Meeting with character.(4.07.2017-2)
Preparation to birthday.
Sunday, before evening.
Search for fifth element.
Research to bones.
F E D E R E R !
Behaviour of stories.
New fotos. (18.07.2017-2)
One more time.
Sknyliv air show disaster.
Archive. June 2017.
There is feeling of endless tune which is on your mind. It’s all the time. Sometimes there are also ideas in this state.
If you read my yesterday’s post about play writing, you know what is on my mind like endless tune. Yes, ballerina as character. Mainly because of future TV serial. My mind create and search for possible solutions. Will they make ballet like background assasin’s past like with Black Widow? Will they use ballet like perfect cover for moving from place to place like in James Bond? But in Bond I think she was musician, cello she prefered if I am right.
I know it’s not polite to gossip about character’s personal life, but girlfriend of my director is ballerina with perfect knowledge of French. French is language of ballet. In my story she will have no more than two scenes and I had idea about mystery connected with ballet. I am now in doubts to make prequel or sequel for Dane’s story.
I know that my ideas behave like spoiled beloved children. They allowed to do what they want. By the way about children, when I went today on the market for vegetables, I saw stroller with triplet. Two boys and girl, maybe little older than year. It’s amazing when you see in such little kids own character. Boys were ready for new adventure and were absolutely excited, girl was more skeptical, but for sure was ready to participate. But mother somehow managed to make them all be under her control.
I hope I will also find solution in which order complete this stories.
It was 15 years ago. Sknyliv air show disaster. Was killed 77 people and injured 543. Deadliest air show in history.
Again will be grief and memories. It was 15 years ago, endless noise of ambulance all day and quietness of people who returned from show alive. I wasn’t there, were people who I know. After that for days were funerals and memorials with falling air plane.
Usual weekly post about play writing.
One more time, I can do it. This is quote from my daily motivation. It sound more like motivation for push-ups, but it’s about Danish Prince connected story.
When I began anew or other time writing about this story I forget one simple thing. It won’t be easy. Maybe two things. It won’t be fast.
First story involved with Hamlet wasn’t written fast. During translation to English it became bigger with lot of new details. And now this story, as surprise for me, found monstrous power.
I like when I finish story in manageable quantity of days. My favourite are one day stories. I adore them. They took the same amount of time for preparation, but when they are finished they add quantity.
After each act I made a pause in which wrote something. This time I created 3 new text in one week time. That’s the way I like it. It’s why I want but mostly scared to try oil paint. It needs long time to complete. I want to see finished product as soon as possible.
Because of different circumstances not depending from me I could plan only to one day or few hours ahead. Like yesterday. I uploaded everything in the morning. Whole day was hot and only at the evening was heavy rains with thunderstorm till the middle of the night.
And this lot of tiny projects are more helpful for me, than endless time spended to big one. Tiny plays or short stories are as knitted scarfs and sweaters. And play connected with unluky Danish person it’s like building a house after work. Sorry again for building metaphors. Just neighbours now have all noisy work in evening after work hourse. In combination with thunderstorm and lightings it’s unforgettable. I spend some time to add ideas, lines to this story, but this is building of the house, it takes long time.
I don’t name story connected with Hamlet Penelopa’s work. But for my pity I should to refuse some quotes and scenes. It’s more like mosaic or puzzle with more then should be pieces.
If I will stop writing about this story of actor, playwright and director I didn’t stop work on it. It just could be difficult part of it. Sometimes I feel myself as person who writes fanfiction for Hamlet, because have too much fun and realise my wild fantasies. Sometimes I have struggle which is now “If only I could know French better” period of work. No matter what I prefer to add French, not English translation, to make this part of story more complicated.
About French – I already have pile of stories under awful title “Write in time of better French language knowledge.” I know, it’s complicated language, but I want give a chance to my ideas.
Sorry for everyone who hate spoilers that I put moral of today’s short story in the name of post.
For today is promised huge thunderstorms, so I choose to upload tiny story in the morning. At night already was thunderstorm and till internet is working I will use it.
It’s story for kids, so everything is simple. In story for adults understanding of “changing colour” could be on different level. I could show regular sinner who bored everyone around with wise saint statements. I could show dissapointment in person who should be an example of surviving of life troubles. I could show empty person who tried to add to personality shadow of mystery that each one will give meaning to this emptines. This is easy to write. Difficult to write disgust when you didn’t pay attention to all warning signs and believed in your perception.
In childrens story you should explain everything. Sometimes adult haven’t wish to comment. You have reasons why you want explanations – because you want to move further and with all that you didn’t like you still care about that person. You want to give chance, search for explanation. In kids world everything is simple – black or white. If it’s mud, you know when you came near, you will be dirty. Kids hope for plain and immediatelly explanations. Adults could wait for that explanation for long time or didn’t want to let this person be part of your life.
With all kids fantasy, no one is especting from chicken flight of an eagle. Everyone are who they are, just time to time we have wish to change colour, but soul stays the same.
One more short story for kids I wrote. At first I made illustrations and later I add text which emerged in imagination during making photos.
Text became possible because of bonuses. On creative paper pack also were drawn templates of animals, which you should cut out by yourself. Painful for fingers activity. I invented more “images” for characters and received whole story.
I don’t sure that bonuses were crucial. I am strong believer that all yours ideas will came to you sooner or later. But with bonuses in was creative sparkle. They didn’t lie when said it helps to be more creative.
Why idea of bonuses? Because left one week to my birthday and all shops where I had discount card remind me about their opportunity in sms. Now it’s popular to give everyone discount card, even if you buy just tooth-paste.
And in this discounts also are different politics. Most rare – it’s gift. Some bonus money, not much at which you could buy what you want in the shop or pay some part of the price. My favourite, because I know better what I want. Each year there are less such propose. Most popular are different – you will receive this bonus money if you buy something which will cost you 70% of price, 30% they will gift to you. Better than nothing, but I not always have money for 70% part of price. And could see it as bad joke against my financial possibilities, because I didn't ask for such generosity.
All that propositions with money or bonuses are absolutely attractive. Later you want to know details. What in reality will cost me such generosity? What is my part of the deal? And why I should believe it’s true? You know, I didn’t believe in sale “especially for you”. When everything too magnificent I want to ask – what is wrong here?
I all the time add new projects, they could be bonuses of other activity or just gifts from nowhere. I like this tiny writing surprises which took few days to accomplish.
My problem that I love to consume lot of ideas. I want to have more ideas than I need in one writing session. I like to add ideas, because I feel they are helpless without me.
But managing lot of projects it’s not easy. Sometimes I feel myself like in kindergarten and each project is child which needs own attention. I notice everything, changes of mood, mud on trousers and injuries at arms. I know what and in which story I should fix. At the same way I can’t talk to one, in front of others. With each project I try to close door and had one to one conversation. Usually it didn’t work because of lot of distractions and other shiny projects which move around, but I try.
Each completed project it’s little victory for me. I believe that some projects have more wish to be written than others. There are projects which demand research and projects to which you find everything including possible illustrations in ten minutes. I can notice when project wants to be main.
Sunday morning is time for positive thoughts. Did you see new trailer of Thor 3? I wathced all trailers which went on-line yesterday after Comic-con. But this trailer I watched few times. Fine, maybe more than few times. A lot.
Yesterday I mentioned about problems which had with my fantasy. I have this writer’s wish to write something epic, with lot of strong emotions. Maybe if I accept it with less drama I could make writing of everything easy. To walk away from canons and have fun.
First what I catched in trailer were – Fenrir against Hulk. I am excited and scary at the same time. I can’t stop gigle to be honest.
Second about trailer – army of Pegasus in Asgard. I want Edda’s translation which they used. I must have it, definitelly.
And third most amazing – Thor and Loki are with weapons from Ghostbusters, new level of coolness.
Spaceships also I liked but I can’t manage to remember since when Valkyrie received driving licence.
Sorry, I can’t stop giggle. I need time to think about my future writing. Why I try to be so serious?
Loud word – responsibility. It came to my mind when I closed curtain, because too bright sun on computer screen. For today were promised heavy rains with thunderstorms. I am happy that they are wrong, and was only clouds in morning. But is someone responsible for giving false information.
Responsibility for each project had writer. For my next story for kids I invented illustrations. Then I worked few hours with scissors, till pain in fingers, to cut out future characters. Everything is ready and I should do one little step – write a story.
Responsibility of creative persons it’s always difficult theme. In advertisement written “don’t try to repeat”. Should the same be written on mystery books? If someone wanted to repeat that. It’s interesting trick, was used in beginning of “Castle”. By the way, about “Castle” it was TV-series which survived second season curse. Not many TV shows could be proud of it. Why so many lazy and not worked hard second seasons? It not always should be “and they lived happily ever after”. Not all stories should be romantic and in invented land, but at least use all victories of first season.
About mysteries. I still think about third act of story, it looks like it will need more time for quotes. I can’t make it less complicated.
Why everyone think that mystery writers want to kill everyone in real life? It’s like puzzle, game, where you try to see how story could work if you delete one or other character. Of course, there are some mysteries which definitely was written to with pleasure describe cruel murder. I didn’t decide jet if I need to describe death of second character.
You just can’t describe some scenes and put away whole story. This was with my Scandinavian fantasy. Everything was fine till I had to write scene of funeral. I understand that I am not ready for this now. I did research before, had details which should put. I can’t write this, it’s painful. Because of this on pause is fantasy which was written on Ukrainian. Such depressive thoughts because today is birtday of my father's father - Ivan.
This rituals are part of world which you describe. Sometimes I am jealous to writers which could kill one after another characters every fifty pages. They haven’t pity for characters. Characters for them are firewood which will end in fireplace.
I don’t understand when people make plans based on lie or fraud. I don’t understand what wait people who lied. For miracle or something like that. That no one never find out that they didn’t tell the truth or hoped that their wild imagination will be forgiven. Because of that for me it’s difficult to write such kind of stories, I could be wrong in motivation of character. I met such people in life, I know they could be popular. Maybe listeners are just want to be deceived. You know it’s like of new cosmetics presentations in super-markets. All knew that such cheapest prises in reality in heigh price and quality worth, but they stay and buy. Beautiful package is one and only explanation.
I don’t think that you should trust no one. I always give person a chance to show that s/he has good intends. It’s like with repair, I understand that neighbours just want to make own home better and don’t care that other people also have something to do at home. You know it’s like injuries – they look the same, but had different reasons. It could be honest injuries of battle, it could be reminder of stupid mistakes.
Again wrote a lot. I wrote in quiet pauses, so every paragraph could have own idea. Writer is responsible for quality of work but can’t give instruction to reader how understand it.
Responsibility has even wishes. I add illustrations to all stories, so I responsible of creating it. I for a long time had wish write something connecting with out of space. I can’t write play outside of space ship. How to make space ship inside not from foil I didn’t invent.
Today is birthday of Herbert Marshall McLuhan.
The Gutenberg Galaxy. I liked this book in University. He explained and predicted world in which we live now. If something happened somewhere, whole world knew about it. In Lviv for weeks were problems with trash, it was in all news.
Of course, global village changed communication and relationship. Now only problem for connect could be difference in time.
Business, relationships, everything now starts on-line, because we all are neighbours and there aren’t a lot of borders for information. Good when on-line became later off-line, because people still should prefer personal contacts.
Global village gave new chances for everything. And now to say yes is much easier than make it real and important part of your life. But we still say yes. Every chance which we see as attractive could became most important decisions.
Maybe my thoughts are not such clear. Today is so hot, that is perfect for big ice-cream to whole family.
For tomorrow they promised heavy thunderstorms, which began a bit today. And I upload text now.
Hope there isn’t etiquette how many new text in a week should count as polite.
P.S.: Why they don't write on ice-creams how many push-ups from knees it will cost you tomorrow? Rain began and came deep thoughts about workout. 19.08
Time for fun. pdf
Today is world’s day of cakes and day of chess. I can imagine cake in form of chess board. But better chess from chocolate and this is best possible motivation for me to at least learn this activity.
Kid’s short story today received illustrations, not only revision process. I didn’t manage to make this story which I wanted, it became story for more younger kids. Time and clocks still is on my wish list for more complicated story.
Good that wasn’t problems with costumes. I used my usual four toys ensemble. For adults story costumes are always complicated. By the way, about costumes. Good was Diana’s dress in Wonder Woman. Amazing blue colour and suitable to keep sword, what every girl needs.
Also is weekly post about playwrighting. And as illustration one more portrait which I will never use in story for kids.
Diversity is best word for today’s weather – heat, rain, thunderstorm. Maybe to get away from boredom.
My wishes for today were to find one more backdrop for story. As result, I found other beautiful papers and invented one more story. Again I have dangerous time when I have new story ideas almost every day. It could name diversity, or just freedom from big play which still needs third act.
Now are popular minimalistic style of life. One jeans, one T-shirt and one ear-rings with ring. Impressive, I saw fotos. No, thank you. I think it just difficult for creative mind, you have to posses more than you need – ideas or items which later will end in some kind of projects.
Just tossing papers differently could give inspiring combinations. When I watch all sites connected with crafts, in my mind like tune is “I don’t know for what, but I need this.”
I “save as” fotos and quotes, they are just sparkles of inspiration which should work during writing and later I could even didn’t use them in text. But without this diversity, it won’t work. Because creativity is also choice what to use or not in new project.
If diversity weren’t important for artist, we never had such amount of different paints.
It’s other what we could do from them. It was idea to make an abstract portrait. With second attempt I will scary you tomorrow. (Definitely I need write one more play about artist, I have too many unusual possible illustrations.)
To name second post for today acceptance was too dramatic. But I accept that all my experiments for hair colour will end in dark shadows.
Today I made fotos to change index foto and add one more, where I played with soft portrait to my foto.
I decided that this foto is not enough serious for first page.
P.S.: I changed my mind about index foto. 22.45
Yesterday I already wrote about projects which came to you without planning. Yes, yesterday I wrote other tiny play which upload today. I didn’t make it yesterday, because only today’s morning came to my mind idea how should look poster.
In original I planned to made this plot as one more story for kids. Final left the same. Instead of kid entered woman and her words are much different that kid’s words. In writing I am not disciplined. I always spoil my stories and give them opportunity to behave how they want. So as result I have this story. I have lot of fun when created this passionate sentences.
This story I count as transition from adult stories to making illustrations for kid’s next story.
Play Talk. pdf
“I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day. E. B. White.”
Even if you are creative person, Monday is still important day for you. In all articles written that you should know what to do, before you will do it. It has name as goals. But problem with goals – they should be clear.
Like creative person I all the time have doubts. Doubts to write daily or keep quiet. I write daily in both ways. It’s doubt to publish it or not. Because I am afraid I talk too much about how I write, all this preparation, errors and absolutely delete mystery from this process. It should look like some diving in to sea of imagination, where I find plots and words. In the end they drop like finished text from nowhere.
For this week I plan to make a kid’s story, because I need recharge from deep thinking about Hamlet’s story.
Problem with planning – it has nothing common with real life. There are plans which I announce in advance and they became real. There are plans that after writing or saying them, from nowhere will came struggles and problems which will stop making them happened. There are projects which I just start to do and they finished before I had enough time to think about them. It’s life, it is what it is.
For me is difficult to be own CEO when it’s about fiction writing. When everything was connected with journalistic I knew what to do, with writing I lost a bit discipline. The more I read about other writer’s life, the more I spoil myself to have more time to think about projects, improving outlines.
Writer’s and artist’s life it’s a little bit of leisure life. You should feel comfortable, moan about distractions and it’s common, like talks about weather. You lose discipline, maybe something in the air. When I worked as journalist in noisy room, I knew that I had to take more detailed notes. It’s much easy to be disciplined when your work is to reflect work of others.
Were times, when I wanted to be a film critic. Amazing work – be inside building in comfortable chair and be unsatisfied for two hours of work of hundreds people. Now I still have thoughts about films, but it’s also analyse what worked, what not. Because if you are only inside your own works, it’s destructive time spending without comparision.
I read about planning not because I feel lazy or have regular battles with procrastination. My main enemies are distractions. It could be endless repairs in neighbour’s flat, it could be heavy rain which makes impossible paint to dry and delete this activity from schedule, it could be ideas of new projects or details for old ideas.
Art also could be distracting sometimes. There are so many techniques and there is a wish to try them. I wrote about experiment with salt. They didn’t mention one little thing – some amount of salt still will left on paper, there are no other way. It looks fantastic with watercolour, even gouache, but still left some salt on surface. It makes a little longer to dry art. But results are amazing.
F E D E R E R !!!
There is such advice – before write something, check few books or films for the theme which you want.
On one of resurses for my English knowledge today I saw movie “To the bone”. I gave it a try because was impressed of “John Wick 2” and it was unknown theme for me - anorexy.
I checked reviews which were different. I didn’t get how new this method is, because I have no idea about previous. I liked very much scene with the rain, because I can’t uploaded it for fifteen minutes.
Main heroine has complicated life. She can’t solve her problems, so she put all her energy to battle with destructive power of food. She looks at doctor as school girl in love with teacher, not how you look to professor when you don’t want additional questions at exam.
Summary of film on my view: Real hero is mother, not popular doctor. And this hero is fight against doctot’s idea “Stop hoping for somebody to save you”, that no one can make your life easy. And of course love makes from everyone superheroes. Sorry, I don’t believe in happy ending to return to same doctor in whose house she lost even more weight. About costumes – one green shirt for such expensive doctor at work. I guess it is obligatory for other doctors.
One more about heroes, I think I should watch new film about Spider.
Film was long, I had lot of time waiting till it upload. Today I tried few new painting techniques. About write or not play about losing weight I don’t know. After this film I lost conflict of story. There are no war in love hate of food. There is fear to gain weight. The more you fear, the more chances that you receive it. Self torturing it’s not a reason and maybe reviews were right – it’s not always true, that you could stay healthy in that weight.
We have humid weather, art is still drying, so plumage.
By the way, four seven in today. It’s a sign. Sign for me to stop bying paint of sale.
Today I made backdrop for kid’s play.I have pattern, I have paint. It was my idea about paint. Instead of intense red I received lovely colour of healthy carrot.
I wasn’t happy, I already invented how to save backdrop, when art will dry. And after it I could make photos and see what I could use from old story with new cast of characters.
I was dissapointed and checked other paint. Paint should left some paint on paper with recognizable color. One ended in the trash.
Just check paint for what works what not is boring. So I experimented with drawing space. Salty spaces, because on paper you put salt and it should give unforgettable result. About results I have no idea, art is still wet. If it will work I will return to that idea, it such relaxing activity, even intensive neighbour’s repair didn’t spoil day.
Space is wait to dry, I add other plumage.
I finished second act. More about that in playwright's blog.
Before you start read, answer a question. Should adult person talk about toys? If answer is no, see you on next post. If answer is yes, keep reading.
Some time ago was joke on the radio. “I am self-confident man, I know what I want from life. I want toy helicopter with remove control.”
Toys should be part of kid’s world. But adults also wanted to have fun. Idea of this post came to my mind when I saw advertisement – when you bought sneakers we will give you spinner.
Do you know what the spinner is? No. Check it on-line this new pandemia is everywhere. I asked about that item from shop assistant. Like I wrote before in art shops now are also toys for kids. I asked what is it. Shop assistant was enormously happy and he showed me all models which they had. It could spin. I smiled politely and didn’t get sence of this toy.
When I returned home I watched few videos. Everyone are happy. It spins and nothing else. This toy could be bought everywhere. I still don’t understand happinness. Maybe it will bring new level of world perceprtion, who knows. I asked because it looked like little UFO and I thought it could fly like toy helicopter or like that toys which could move with wings or something.
I look at toys, because it’s fun and I am write for kids. I should know preference of my target readers. When I bought dolls, I knew their future to be stars on stage, not to be lost in the mud in rainy day.
Is with me something wrong – that I stop to understand joy of toys? I can get why there are little cars. You could play in them. I don’t need them even with discount of 50% because on stage is difficult, only for film, to make chase scene… Thank you, I am fine, I calmed my inspiration. But I can’t understand toy bikes, which could be moved only by kid’s feet or parents. They haven’t pedals, which should be connected with wheels, you know – for moving.
Women name their toys – fashion, make up and other endless names. Men also should have own toys. We are equal. Toys could be as work or as hobby. Main here that you could also spend some time to become acquainted with love insterest which you have. It’s important in too busy life schedule.
Some times characters from kid’s stories became part of adult T-shirts. Most lovely invasion of recent time are minions. They also are everywhere. Their inner struggles and battle for best I could comprehend.
About toys for adults, how could I forget. Toys from films in costumes. They are ugly and cheap and wonderful and expensive. I know about that from forums how to sew for dolls. I understand they are for adults, but changeable heads, legs, hands and all that to express emotions. My wooden mannequins will be scary if saw how exactly they should behave to became real actors. They have a lot of moving parts. What costumes people invent for them and how add details for their story it’s other not toy connected story.
Toys are important, because bring fun in our life. When we have fun, we are relaxed and later could return to our duty. I still wonder why spinner is such popular, maybe I expect something else from it, my error of imagination. I couldn’t accept toys which couldn’t be used as promt to my stories. But if we accept spinner like symbol of spindell… It’s not my business, but something bad after it began in the sleeping beauty.
Plumage should be look like green, not colour of crazy swamp.
I didn’t feel like made proper work today. I used, changed a lot, notes which I had from 2015 draft. Could I count it like today’s word count? Is it cheating when it was written by me, two years ago? But it’s at the same time enormously helpful when you have notes when sound of someone’s renovation in flat reminds that there are no proper place for quiet inspiration.
I think a lot. I need hobby. I am in search for fifth element.
Hobby for creative person it’s difficult decision. Most of art shops also have written on them – items for hobby. For me there are tools and items for my creative work.
I am not ready for now to learn musical instrument. Somewhere I read an advice that you should pay attentions on details which are around you and they already transformed your tastes.
Let’s analyse. Near house where I lived since born there are bread factory, railway road. I eat bread, I traveled by railway. Not far away there is an airport, but I never was aboard plane. No matter that among family friends were two pilots.
Next is, was, now only left name “Мотозавод” “Moto factory”, where were made bikes and moto bikes. (Noisy process and with strong smell of paint. Yes, I was inside it, because of family friends and neighboors worked there. A lot of them.) New items were in shop, near to home. Should I choose this as hobby?
Sorry I don’t believe in health of bikes and undoubtfull pleasures of them. Road is dirty, no matter how many roads they will add in Lviv for bikes. I still have a bike. I didn’t use it for years.
Motorbikes? Not as toy. I am not sure. It should have four wheels as starting pack. I will write about that more in play connnected with moto bikes. It’s dangerous sport. It’s lot of noticeable injuries, which could be painful. Too many stories about that among people which I know, not always with happy end. Not what you wish for yourself or people about whom you care.
At the same time it’s speed and possibility to move faster in the city. Why car never could count as possible hobby? Maybe because of size.
Do you hear of hobby as making soap? Strange activity. I read a little about that, saw lot of fotos. Invented interesting mystery. Some day I will write it. I don’t think it’s perfect hobby. The same as it’s could be a good gift for person with whom you didn’t have one bathroom. It’s the same strange gift as aroma candles. Thoughts not about that should I change my smell. Thoughts that smell I should choose myself.
Painting like hobby didn’t work, because every time I try new or make items for future projects. It’s work.
Should I put as hobby loosing of weight? I have time to time results in this battle, also failures. Or should I learn how to cook awfully and taught to this also parents? And spend few hours daily to search for new exercises in internet, without moving. Stress with eating couldn’t be hobby, even if you practiced this for months.
This thoughts are not walking in the clouds, because weather forecast. They promised thunderstorm in the evening. Morning sunny and hot.
At morning was rain, so I write, not painted. I am not sure about thunderstorm in evening. But I am sure in neighboors which warned about repair of electricity – it should took few hours. They still didn’t start. I wrote a post, so I didn’t wait for fortune. It’s afmost noon post, not morning. This time it’s also after writing, so it counts.
It’s still plumage, but looks like some kind of unknown leaves.
Like I said today's post is about work. At first, I bought this template.
Now I solved problem about backdrop for kid’s play, which I invented before 2012 year. I could wrote it because it’s possible to make pictures.
About subconscious. Do you remember my blog post from 30.06.2017? “...instead I chose to walk after the dream. At night I have a dream that in art shop I bought template which will help in drawing human figures. I visited shops, just for make sure that it’s not possible. One of the shop announce that they had lot of templates. They hadn’t human figure and I asked about motorbike template...” And in the end I bought template with motorbikes. (Did you heard about 3-d printed motorbikes, that template could be concept.)
Today I visited shop which was closed for few weeks of holidays. I bought there first template and this.
In my dream they were the same colour, same format, but material was plastic, more hard. Everything you could imagine could be possible.
No, I didn’t saw it before or opened. They add this kind of art toys for kids recently. Shopping in the dream it’s great new level. If someone need this – I have no idea how it works, hope it will come with experience. But it have to help with characters sketches in future.
I have no idea why this book named “Ballerine”, inside isn’t dress for ballet, beautiful long dresses only.
After that I was in very expensive book shop and saw there amazing encyclopaedia of botanic illustrations. Book was amazing, really expensive. In French, it’s work of Karma that I can’t learn French but find there something inspiring all the time. What was best about this book, not counting perfect printed item? That I couldn’t bought it, not because of it’s price. Book was in one exemplar, they have no idea when will receive next. And before me it saw person, who now returned home to took enough money to bought it.
It’s impossible were for me even to saw it. But I saw and liked it and I know that I should do something with that. Maybe botanic illustrations as next inspiration. I can’t tell that I am good in herbs and flowers, but this is reason to improve it.
Also today I saw ruled paper art-notebooks which should help to learn to draw. Painting landscapes on ruled paper? I am not at this level of art, sure.
For now pictures of plumage. I still experiment.
End of the week. I don’t want to write something serious. Really it’s enough about work.
There are lot of interesting and stupid things on-line which could change your mood.
This I found when searched for runes to my fantasy novel. It usual rune which used Odin when had problems with wi-fi. It was helpful.
For our speed it didn’t work. I uploaded 300 MB in five hours. Of course it’s not level which I had in last year, when downloaded “Hollow crown” - it promised me to accomplish it in five weeks. Good that not in year.
This “Not a robot” sometimes are lovely, like this. The beach for sale. One question – how much? After that I will ask – where?
This is not from internet. But it’s dangerous. It’s shopping bag from one of the shops. What is dangerous – it’s on English. And I understand that already read bags – it’s addictive habit to look for English vocabulary everywhere.
What about work? Like said Scarlet – I will think about that tomorrow.
P.S. after P.S.:
As I told in the morning - evening post.
Despite heavy rains in the morning all day was hot and sunny.
I draw a little with coloured pencils. It helps to clear mind.
Till tomorrow's evening.
Yesterday was 7.07.2017 I was impressed how for people such date are important. People planned weddings and other important events to add this numbers in own life.
Maybe for me it was some power also. I wrote in post from six of July about sign. To choose birthday of Aksioma or begin it there are also some dates. Seven everywhere. I finished school number 77, parents wedding was in 1977 year and when I didn’t manage to start site at first of July, I thought that I could add to this some meaning.
We all need more, the more the better. If talk about profession, I want to write more. With this was idea to write a novel. What I wrote was more or less wordy drafts of movie scripts, which I tried to put in the prose. This attempt to write more burned a lot of my self-confidence. I stil try to find how to change this weakness to power. I will accept every solution. It reminds something about mortal arts, where you not necessary should be strong enough to won.
If you bring more love, tenderness in your life it’s good. With more work it’s dangerous. All this projects around your head, like they try to put a gun and insist that you will choose one project instead of another. It was problem with languages – which to choose, where to make a progress. With languages lot depends from study books and teachers. You could not notice how ended three hours, when interesting or starts to count sheeps after fifteen minutes.
With languages help idea of how to be practical. Which language you will need and use daily. For many years wins English. My native languages I didn’t count. But sometimes I have a wish to learn something new. I try to change it for drawing experiments, but this feelings are still alive.
Many – it’s my main problem with blog writing. I really have a wish to write more, it helps in English and I just need put somewhere thoughts in English. If I could find victim who will listen to me daily, it will solve my problem or pen-friend to write letters daily, just to clean my mind. I still not sure about journalling or letters to myself.
This urge leads me to write two big posts daily – it’s wrong. I need to learn to shut up. They suggest meditation, but my meditation is writing.
I will try new remedy – to write in the evening. In morning I spend lot of time checking what happened in the world when I was sleeping. In the morning I make plans for day. And post in the morning not usually had in the end something common with how day went. When I will have opportunity to write whole day in the evening it will be post as result. I don’t need to write two posts. The same with adding pictures. I have time during day to try something.
I will try to make such experiment – writing in the evening. Not for writing less, but to have ability to write more.
Now we have heavy rain in the morning, dark and I don’t want to write, I want to return back in the bed and woke up in sunny hot July morning.
P.S.: Little explanation about languages and my struggles. For a long time, when I read one text on Russian, I found it later in original French. And I didn't add it in text "Actor plays Hamlet." Now I try to put it in this text, because I want to put it somewhere.
But with French I am afraid it will spoil all melody of text. I need only English and make it theme without notes of other language. I can't name it return to previous preferences, because only stupid will return to relationships which didn't worked in the past and you still had list of why not do it. You just didn't turn back no matter what's going on.
And this problem with French I think I have because it's French, if it was Castelano or even German I wouldn't have doubts. But French... It's like you wore shoes which you like and French will watch you with disrespect with all style and you feel humiliated. I don't want that my text feel itself humiliated.
This P.S. one more reason why I should upload posts in evening.
Like always, I keep my promises. Everyone lives in reality which choose.
Piece of cakes for your taste - with chocolate or white on top. Chose and enjoy.
Tomorrow is important birthday – 14 years of this address of my on-line home – www.aksioma.lviv.ua.
What I wrote about it in 2015: “Site was started as internet-journal, I changed few times design and languages on which I wrote. Now it’s still place for my writing, this time plays and blogs. It’s like home in internet, which remember a lot of renovation.
...A lot changed during this years, but I still write, hope it never change, I love writing. No matter what told people around me I always made my work, thanks to support of my parents. I will write because it’s important to me, I always have time for what make my heart beats faster.
12 years in internet without any social network I must be really retrograde, but someone could call it personal style or stubborn.
When I began, were few on internet, now it’s millions, live changes, hope for better.”
Two years later and I still not on social media, but of course they had influence to me. I started to make photos of food. About this will be in the end of post.
It’s long time, especially for internet. Did I regret that was among few first web-magazines in Ukraine? First can’t regret, I was explorer.
You still could notice not only grammar mistakes, but also errors connected with html and problems with proper links.
I am not computer enthusiast or like to programming. Never was that. I always was girl with the book, humanitarian to the bones.
In 1999 was my first meeting with Internet. I was newspaper’s journalist and computer used only like quicker typing machine. It’s crazy, but I printed my articles and on paper send them in newspapers. No, I didn’t meet dinosaurs or friendly dragons, even if it will be true, I won’t tell you. In time of changes everything moves too quickly.
I don’t remember were exactly I saw Matrix first time. I definitely swallowed red pill. Later father, using friends ordered this film on disks with English language. It didn’t help in that time, I still read subtitles. Film was, I think, on two disks, because at one wasn’t enough place. It was on time and it was when we connected with internet using phones. It was terrible sound, when you listen to the phone. It was sound of Matrix. And internet became not only tool, but home. I even had as sound of switching off computer “Welcome to the real world”.
If you work with editors, you know it’s terrible – wait if someone will think that your work is worth to be published. My final paper in University I wrote about Internet, I had free web-site and I wrote what I wanted to be published. Matrix made own work – I didn’t afraid of world wide web. Why? There is no spoon.
Now I am afraid of internet. Who could predict that after so many years Agent Smith became videos of cute cats and will destroy minds of humankind. I don’t think there are enough red pills to help with it.
I like internet like connection, like access to knowledge, like freedom. Now it’s tool to destroy systems and make troubles in everything. Without connection to system you are lost. It’s terrible, when everyone looks only on phones. This search for white rabbit ended not in finding truth, it’s for sure.
Sorry, for such serious post before birthday. It’s just theme to which I could talk for hours, days. I am playwright, I remember, honestly.
7th of July is big day – 467 years since chocolate is in Europe. My professional holiday in both ways. It’s time for cake. I don’t ask for deja vu cake in Matrix. (By the way, I figured out who put cats in internet.)
It’s chocolate cake and it’s important to celebrate what you done. I am so predictable and constant in my preferences that I became boring. Back to cake. It is big enough for not to be named as cookie.
My way of thinking probably similar to thoughts of woman from the joke. “Woman visited first time Las-Vegas. On every table she made a bet on 22. She won in one casino, other. Till she didn’t won in every casino. All owners of casinos – checked – all clear, they came to woman. How? - they asked her. - I had a sign to choose 22. - Which? - Taxi has 777 in number. In hotel I stay at 7 floor, in room 77. - And? -asked her owners. - This is sign – seven three times its twenty two. “
467 years of chocolate and 14 years of site in every equation will be cake as result.
In few minutes walk from home is supermarket. I hadn’t mood for cooking. Leg made possible to walk in such short distance. Not pain, but a little tired. Hurray, they finished repair of that awful part of road.
I think not only about cakes, I also bought smoozy. But I think it’s not exactly what it should be, but taste is good.
Everyone are invited for tomorrow birthday of Aksioma, you deserved that piece of cake.
Post about kindgdom without borders is in playwright's blog.
After yesterday’s accident with sprained foot I could walk, I fell a little bit pain, for now better not to jump on this leg.
Of course, it was my fault, I was concentrated on the wind. Which was it speed, how quick will came clouds with rain. Better I should watch my road. In our case worse than not repair road could be road which is in unfinished repair process. Wind is changeable, it didn’t care if you had umbrella or not. Landscape is in stability and dangerous. And here I should stay focused.
Doubts should be road to truth. When you feel something wrong, usually it is. Even if you can’t explain what about your feelings. When something is not on time or never was made. You start to move your head and see wider, notice other persons, different words. It helps when in doubts.
Of course, I tried to find a reason, explain why it happens. It didn’t help, even when I return to the beginning of the story. I am all in doubts. Yesterday I already wrote scenes which should help with doubts. But I still don’t know what to do. One of the characters knew too much and just asks to be a victim. My doubt what to do with I, if I need this character in denouement. Doubts, doubts. Will I easy move forward with or without this person?
Painting “Lighting above the forest” could be picture suitable almost to every day of summer which already was.
Rare are meetings with characters for writer. We invent them, describe, but never saw. Only maybe in film or in theatre writer could see actor who will play a character.
Today I have such meeting, it’s wonderful. It’s amazing and tender feeling. I walked from the shop, they should receive new arrival of shampoo which was not such bad in previous time. Of course nothing was on place, usual mismanagement. And on way back I just walked, looking at the sides.
On the sawn tree sat little owl. At day he just sit, or maybe she. At first I thought it was toy which left kids, but it was real little owl. Fluffy, and a little bit scared. I even had a wish to touch it, but didn’t want to scary. Little owl lookes exactly like I wanted that should look my sad little owl and I even changed story, to make it less sad.
It’s amazing feeling when you know that characters of your stories exist. I didn’t write about that first thing when I return home. Started suddenly wind with thunderstorm. In length two buildings to home I sprained a foot, because of quality of road. I didn’t have umbrella, no one promised rain. Of course, when thunderstorm finished, on internet they also add it in weather forecast.
Now, when pain is less I could write. No matter that we don’t celebrate 4th of July, lighting we had.
White paper it’s most common fear or ghost for writer. Probably fear, because what is the ghost whom saw everyone.
White paper, new document, or part of screen with your not finished draft. In so many articles and books I read about how terrible this emotion is. It’s absolutely white, innocent paper which we are afraid to destroy. With what? With own fingerprints, with thought of the our mind.
I don’t like when questions are wrong. Answers couldn’t be correct. Change question and you will see different solution.
Fault or power of white paper doesn’t exist. It’s fear of yourself, own abilities or lack of it. It’s fear of the mirror which could show myself.
When you create you haven’t defence. You are open, vulnerable and generous. I all time have a wish to write less about my future plans. Be discreet. But I am like tree – I have a lot of seeds and I want that they all will grow. And when I am talking about new projects I feed my ideas about them.
Writer should be paranoid about own ideas. Write them in blood, better at night or at least hide them somewhere at night. Copyright if suddenly something will change protect pattern of words, how you put them one after another, not the plot. It’s terrible, but truth. So to be correct, each revision is different possible to copyright text. My text without mistakes could be foreign for first draft.
I am not such superstitious that I believe that when person steals someone other work it didn’t works for him/her because of karma. I could explain this maybe with chemistry, some kind. In chemistry to create new, you need components. White paper have everyone, but later are ingredients. Ingredients like warm or cold weather which have influence of different food in countries. And when it’s not your work, white paper is not enough. Maybe it wasn’t final product or you didn’t pay attention on roots. But all components didn’t make necessary result. It could blow or fade, but won’t work. With time it again became white paper on which other person will create own layers.
When I see white paper, I also have conflict. What to write, about what I can’t speak public. I am not such afraid of final ideas, I am interested in process of creating.
I don’t know which path I will create with my words. It’s like kids exploration of world, they have a lot of ideas. They don’t afraid of mistakes, adults are scary about that. I like to write literature for kids, just to be free in own ideas. Still can’t solve dilema if add adults and parents into the story. It makes plot complicated. Some people were made to be parents and need to receive that chance. In story should be conflict, problem. Mother and father just must to love child and support him/her in everything till it don’t dangerous for kid herself/himself. In this case could be written only adventurous kind of story. Or comedy if father likes to panic and mother knew how to fix everything.
Now I am little deep in plot of play for adults, but children also should have time and attention. (Maybe, I just want to knit something tiny and cute.) Writing it’s not only profession, it’s also fun and who better then kids know that life should be exciting and adventurous.
Attentiveness should be a good friend, but it’s not for me. Time to time I could lose parts of post, but still is hope that “Time will explain. Jane Austen, Persuasion.” I just notice that forgot to put picture in the post. Some attempt to make flowers. More art, less babbling about projects.
Art brought in my life different point of view. Not red pill, but also changing of world and work understanding.
In creative actions should be common rules. Rules of art as painting sometimes more easy to notice. One example – painting, drawing accept such activity like repeating. Art is ready to be secondary. Like when from year to year at the same spot in Lviv sits painters, they draw what was painted before them thousands of time. They didn’t afraid of that. They draw it with own perception.
By the way, after visiting art shops I could noticing quality of supplies which used painter. I can’t say exactly how much were spend, but understand level. Paper it’s hundred of white shadows. Also by glance I could say was it paper made in our country, neighbours country or not. We just agree that this colour should be white. In one papers it’s look more light-light yellow, in sketchbook for kids it’s light shadow of light grey. It’s like with diamonds, they all are shiny, but they are different.
The same is with paint. Each firm has different items. Sometimes there are the same colours in different tubes are prices, sometimes they are different. Of course, money could give artist freedom, at least they could give stability. When you make by yourself colour, it could be a tiny shade different. When you could afford buy the same colour made by someone else, you became free of stress.
I check results of art in different places on-line. Time to time I ended on sites, groups of art classes. It’s all secondary art. They came together – ten to thirty people and they paint one painting. Not their, but paintinf step by step. They don’t afraid that it wasn’t creation of own mind.
For me it’s most difficult border which I had to went trough. I made it in Tuscany landscapes. I just haven’t own references, so I need to use what was made by others. To say the ugly truth – it’s much easy than invent new from scratch. You just choose to repeat what you like, finished product.
Probably such repeating don’t bring burst of creativity, but bring confidence. In art popular were work as helper to Artist. Like I wrote before, in writing it’s impossible. You sit and write. Person who stays near your shoulder can’t see which colours from which tube you put on pallet. Sometimes you can’t explain why this character say or do it. I had to write scenes when was fired two characters. One of them could keep a job. My lovely outline again had different arc in plot.
In writing we have less rules, I think so. In painting you should know about perspective, combination of colours. In writing we invent stories which we never saw or hear. We just play with story line and emotions of characters. Usually on own, because characters have own point of view. Like in life they like who they like, dream about what they dream and cherish feelings which they had when they were twenty years old.
Literature also has some kind of schools, organization. But when we write we are alone with what is inside our minds.
Actors also are not afraid when they play role which was played by someone else before them and will be played later. In literature we are afraid to repeat ourself, not to mention someone else’s work. Aspiring writer would be guilty if just rewrite by own hand O’Henry story. Aspiring painter who will repeat David’s head will be talented.
My interest for art brings me addition colours in my art work. I could show my stories. Sometimes it looks childish or not proper level of drawing for my age. Who think so, didn’t know that for real feelings age doesn’t matter. Your soul happy or not, what is most important. If you change and feel different, it’s beginning, it’s always start of new road and you permit yourself or not to explore it. I permit myself and take new road. I have no idea which it will lead, but if I don’t make first steps it will be regret. In life there are too many regrets, and to be guilty myself it’s not my choice.
I don’t try to convince that my art work has something common with Monet. His paintings are much bigger. I haven’t so much place to dry art. But of course they were inspiration for mine “Water lilies in the swamp.” Seriously, it has nothing common with works of Dali.
Sunday’s morning it’s time to stay not productive in bed, thinking what you would like to do or not today.
Yesterday’s light rain later became heavy rain with warm sun in the evening. Weather changes like never before and we try to live like all is the same. Car are like boats on the streets, I don’t think it’s good for engines.
Sunday’s morning it’s time for slowly conversations. I checked ideas how to realize play to which I at least find a solution. I am about play with love letters. I invented plot. For this I will need some exercises in calligraphy because with my handwriting I can’t make pictures of letter it will look like letters of kidnappers.
I wrote how important are outlines for play. I wrote already 13 scenes in second act and could think about others stories which waits own time. Somewhere I need caligraphy, somewhere drawing skills. Sometimes I need more use of imagination – how refuse motorbikes race in play on stage, I have onle one toy motorbike as props.
Now I have seduction to add in play about theatre few quotes in French. I know it’s bad idea with my level of French. Use foreign language in your text at foreign language it’s unhealthy. With Hamlet’s quotes is easy, use text of Bard. With Russian text I had dilemma, which translation I wanted to add, it’s like which taste to add, could change whole dish.
Not knowing languages helps in not thinking that there are different variants of situation. There is wish to be original and own experience that it’s not easy when few languages are in one text. The same is with movie, in American’s films are lot of Spanish and when you didn’t practice it daily, it’s difficult to understand story, especially if you want to know how it all ended and if you were right that understand mystery puzzle.
Lot of morning wondering thoughts. Main for me not to start think about languages, it’s my favourite theme. No matter that not all is clear here for me. I read a lot about learning English and time to time they explain how to learn other languages. Here my ready to adventures soul is interested. Maybe I am a dreamer, I want that some events or things will happen. Why not? We all need something good in our life. Hope is the same important as love, which warms your soul without proper reason.
First night of July meets us with tender rain and not so hot morning. Today I deleted archive and pictures for previous months.
In June I wrote more than 40 entries in this blog. Reorganization woke up too many thoughts and huge wish to talk.
Time to time I promise myself to be quiet, but I remember about importance of morning pages and write next entry to blog.
I like what I do and spend time on it. Too many different distractions meet me daily. Good that I am not addicted to internet or social media. One hashtag I could check quickly even after few days with connection problems.
Today will be no pictures, because I will delete previous. In playwright at work is short entry about speed.
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