Creativity in progress blog by Kate Aksonova.

creativity-in-progress-blog-by-Kateryna-Aksonova



    Add drama.
    Evergreen content.
    What I want?
    Building sand castles.
    Daily habit.
    Find meaning in work.
    Five easels.
    Stop the silence.
    Vox populi.
    Switching languages hurts.
    Commonness of catastrophes.
    Relax, Sweet Prince.
    Communication with ideas.
    Personalizing world.
    Responsibilities.
    Backfire of challenge.
    Scary me gently.
    Options.
    Mastering topic area.
    Creative muscle?
    Next idea.
    Woman’s mistake.
    Weekend feelings?
    I need a hobby…
    Jumping into conclusions.
    November fever.
    Experimenting with templates.


      Experimenting with templates.

      29.09.2017

      I showed different templates which aim was to help me draw. Some of them are amazing and supportive.

      blog-by-Kateryna-Aksonova

      It really looks like proper dress, even if I experimented with colours.

      But other which should be good and for which I had big hopes not looks like should.

      blog-by-Kateryna-Aksonova

      Even after my attempt to change it.

      blog-by-Kateryna-Aksonova

      It’s horrible, I know. If exist contest for worst motorbike concept I without doubt will receive first place or even grand prix.

      On template were others moving objects.

      blog-by-Kateryna-Aksonova

      It supposed to be car, but with my design...

      blog-by-Kateryna-Aksonova

      After this I was sure that wheel connected vehicles maybe are not my cup of tea.

      With whole heart disbelief I used other template, it’s for one of my future stories.

      blog-by-Kateryna-Aksonova

      This time was everything different. Theoretically I managed to draw bike and result is in the end of post.

      Today I had some busy time, but managed to visit some art shops. With my question about motorbike template to me was proposed template of kid’s kick scooter. Such theme is not popular, by the way bikes are on our roads.

      Of course in deep search for template I found other treasures.

      blog-by-Kateryna-Aksonova

      Jewellery is always relaxing for woman’s heart.

      And also I found this tiny item for poster of future mystery.

      blog-by-Kateryna-Aksonova

      Friday’s post on Ukrainian and also today I uploaded weekly post about play writing challenge.

      Next post will be 3.10.2017. Take care of yourself.

      blog-by-Kateryna-Aksonova

      19.05

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      November fever.

      28.09.2017

      With yesterday’s problems with electricity I could made it worse in creative planning only if chose also work with watercolour, because wasn’t water half of the day. Not about that my today’s writing.

      November fever, it’s already in all writing connected articles. Yes, it’s when once a year people around the world became writers for month. Like Tour de France, but in November. It supposed to be endlessly exciting.

      Every writer prepare for this challenge. Of course on mind came “Sweet November”(2001). They definetelly wasn’t inspired by that film. Of course, nothing common, for month change your life and live it like you want. Maybe they didn’t watch this film at all. I presume that some people could be against such kind of experience. How do I know? I tell about myself.

      It’s not connected with writing, it’s about how I make road to some stories. I didn’t saw “Sweet November” in cinema or when it first time was on our TV. It was announced like sad love story. I don’t like sad love stories. But for that time I already had attempts to assault English language. Correct – I found on-line, printed and with vocabulary slowly read script. After reading I promised myself that I won’t watch this film. Why? Because when I wasn’t crying, I was sobbing on script pages. And I didn’t agree with the end, this didn’t change for now. Why? Explanation in in sentence before this.

      It’s my crazy way of knowing films when I don’t want to watch. Such way I acknowledge myself with horrors and other films which could make me over emotional. Childish? No, I name it learning craft of screenplay. Back to “Sweet November”, I saw it, first time it was accidentally, on TV, not from beginning. When I understood what film it is, it was too late, I wanted to watch it. I don’t mention sad part, I already know what it was. But there was also wonderful, fun love story. Did I mention that I am disagree with the end? You just fell in love with that film, because of it’s cozy atmospere. Music is other story. I was almost addicted to Enya’s song and never checked in which film it was, because I loved video with changing seasons.

      Maybe it’s a little but long explanation, but everything it’s about quote from the film. What said Nelson to Sara? Not “You defy every law of nature I've ever known.” Good, but not proper for my post. “Finding out this thing might not be as crazy as it seem” is much better. “November is all I know, and all I ever wanna know.” This is it. This should be slogan for that amount of want to be writers. Every month is November or you just choose wrong path.

      You can’t be writer for one month in the year, no matter that about it now all writer’s sites. You can’t love person only on Mondays and forget about him for the rest of the week. Writing it’s like relationships, you work on them, you present in them daily.

      All that stuff, about focus is nonsense. Writer has two substances if analyze articles. First is person who is overwhelmed with distractions and try to find possibility to work. Main distractions are internet and TV. In grandfather’s flat, with which was connected all my papers headache, I haven’t internet connection, TV, radio and even I refused for home telephone. Only mobile phone is with me when I want to just work on something. Without evening and morning checking of internet I could survive. I practiced that, I know. Other way that near house is new building development, so a little bit noisy, not to mention road which they try to finish few month. Second state of writer is loneliness. Because no one understands what you do and you are alone in front of paper/screen. Is it me or both categories need with what struggles other half?

      Yes, I am sceptical about such writing challenge. You write daily, destroy drafts and try anew or just make writing holiday once a year. This is different and even with published success stories it’s wrong. Why? How about fitness October? Every day without pause you work on your muscles and after 31 of October you say – till next year, it was cool. Impressive, not so much.

      I understand, this is easy. Write one book, in one month. They all have different level of motivation, wishes. They could do it, because they don’t do it daily. Writing like every work is daily activity and for person who do it daily not such exsiting. Exsiting could be story, characters, not decision to write. You don’t feel exitement when go brush your teeth. Sorry, I didn’t want to sound rude, perhaps it’s exiting part of your day.

      Once more, if you want to be writer or some other kind of artist every month for you is November. There is no other way. You should be ready to do it rest of your life. If you need one month to try “Why a month? Because it's long enough to be meaningful, but short enough to stay out of trouble” you could do it. But in writing even without trying you should know that it’s what you want to do, where you want to be and every month will be a November.

      I live such way and I don’t feel it’s as work. I wrote this post, more than 900 words and I am not tired or need motivation to do it. I like it, I love it, I choose it and I am happy because have this in my life.

      9.25

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      27.09.2017

      Note to myself: Don't use alarm clock to plan long early morning research session in internet, if you can't guarantee presence of electricity.

      9.05

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      Jumping into conclusions.

      26.09.2017

      There is wish to have some sence in everything what you do, it helps to feel confident. Night with not enough sleep, people are people they won’t be quiet, brings a lot of possibilities to deep thinking. Sometimes they even look like proper in the morning. Jumping into conclusion maybe is not best way in planning, but probably this time it will work.

      Some ideas are borders or struggles which became stone on your road. If you didn’t finish or put them away, you just can’t move. I already refused of Hamlet’s part of puzzle. Play is still manageable to finish, story will stay alive. But I changed my mind.

      I know what I tried to prove with this play, some level of cleverness. It’s attempt to make some post-post-post modern play with lot of thoughtful dialogues and endless amount of quotes. Some kind of “dress to impress”, but in creativity. It’s my thoughts, nothing artifical, but what I see is insecurity to prove that I also could write boring, fine highbrow, texts. As writer I could write everything, it’s my opinion which came to my experience from journalism. Why I write this is more important.

      Perhaps I am too concentrated on my local, personal problems to write something global and philosophical. Could be that in writing entertaining stories I change my level of stress and have some fun. Good that with own stories, not like with people, you could analyse and see that maybe you tried too hard, your behaviour was too much and not what was waited for you. With story you could always start from beginning, because you know rules. People not usually such open to confess about own expectation from you, if you not in job searching.

      This connected with theatre play I decided to put in the box with ideas “some day”. I have endless amount of ideas. At first I will search among short one, because they are manageable to finish in few days time.

      Again I write about writing. I need some other themes or write less frequently to stop chatting about writer’s process. Perhaps write that I have doubts in my writing is also not professional, because every writer should be endlessly inspired and know what to do with each idea. I haven’t all answers – I have no idea what to do with lot of my drafts.

      It’s not good to be not happy with lot of ideas. But each time is more difficult to choose from them idea which could be put on stage, no matter how I like them. Mystery in polo’s club, romantic and mystery about jewellery, other with knives, they all need diferent kind of frame. How I write about all other themes which boiling in my head?

      I could jump only to one conclusion – write stories which I could easily finish. With stories as with people – if it’s clear, you will move forward. If you can’t understand what’s going on, you just wait when wind blow away fog and you will see if there is road.

      9.50

      P.S.: Tomorrow won't be new post.

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      I need a hobby…

      25.09.2017

      I need a hobby, was my first thought when I stop reading my Monday’s morning e-mails. Dirty, provocative thought with endless possibilities. How it came to my mind?

      My bookmark is not better. I don’t even talk that now I have problem with watching all videos, internet connection had moods.

      What about I talk all the time? Writing, learning English and now a little bit about art. Gossips it’s for private conversations.

      I need theme not connected with plotting stories, characters changing and English spelling. My problem is that I will make story from everything. Cooking? Mystery with murder of shef. Painting? Struggles of artist. Languages? How about romantic story at courses?

      I could predict that write about writing is too much for writer. If you noticed, I didn’t talk a lot about literature as not of my work results. Reading is not existing in my posts. I prefer films – they also have visual storyline and there I won’t be lost in interpretations of meanings of writer’s aim.

      Of course, I am writer but I am not crazy about be part of literature. I am storyteller, I see them everywhere, I feel them, I want to spend time on other stories. I see my life throught stories which I tell. I need to tell them all the time, to be in perfect mental shape.

      I even learn language, because I know how I will use it in the story. I need language which is suitable for my creative world, not what others think is preferable.

      My problem that I like what I do and every my activity I invented how to connect with writing. Even knitting I use as costume design.

      Writing is some kind of addiction. You are interested in creating new. All the time. Even for dream activities, which I want to make true some day I already invented a story, like with yachts, motorbikes and oil painting.

      I think I didn’t mentioned that before, but many years ago, after University I was thinking about continue education. Was proposition to move forward in journalism as researcher and theory. Main problem was how much it will cost, second that I wanted some not connecting with education system time. Like I told my one friend, she also was interested in future education, - I just can’t again be learner, 17 years without pause as pupil, I am tired. After few years I returned to idea that it could be interesting to write some research paper. Was mad idea about theory of literature. I had notes, thought what will be interesting for me. But I refused it and never returned to this idea in theory of literature.

      Deep analyze of works of others it’s not my cup of tea. I am person who wants to do all by my own rules. What about I wanted to write research papers? Sorry, I should write about that early. I think you will be surprised that such idea could be my main interest – puppet’s theatre.

      Now you see why for me is such deep problem to find a hobby. I have some ideas, interests, which are somehow important for me and even if I refuse to pay attention to them, I will return to it. And in such return I will make everything possible for me to make it part of my life. Usually it works. I almost forget about jewellery, bye for now, I need to add new research results how to draw them. Could it be a hobby, if I have more than five ideas for writing about this theme?

      blog-by-Kateryna-Aksonova

      10.35

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      Weekend feelings?

      23.09.2017

      Previous week I made a pause in writing about challenge, this time I upload post in Saturday. Maybe I should be more serious about weekend and to begin with Sunday without post.

      I don’t think if it will be such terrible, if I will be quiet for a one day in a week. Weekend feelings find own way even in to my life. Watch films, relax and stop thinking about next project? I will try.

      11.00

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      Woman’s mistake.

      22.09.2017

      I did it, every woman did it. This kind of mistake always will be in dark part of the box with disappointments.

      blog-by-Kateryna-Aksonova

      Yes, it’s lipstick. 50% sale, new brand with testers. I tried to make it ideal for nail polish, which is also was on sale.

      I wanted to change from total red. (It’s doesn’t meant that I didn’t notice red Nicole Kidman’s dress on Emmy.) Some different colour to create makeup not casual.

      Where I was wrong if I didn’t believe that this colours are ideal together. Yes, new lipstick was closed, and only at home I opened it. Surprise, surprise. We women are all the same, sale, interesting tester and not what you waited inside box.

      If no one know, I am stubborn. So results of today’s attempt.

      blog-by-Kateryna-Aksonova

      This looks like I still could see difference in colours. What I did this time? Returned to brand which used since University time. In this brand I am confident, I love it for many years and I never had such surprise in colour. Something just perfect for you and you doesn’t want to change it, logic has nothing common with it.

      Post in Ukrainian, like usual at Friday.

      16.00

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      Next idea.

      21.09.2017

      Most of advices for writers are about where/how to find next idea. It’s such amazing search with trials and errors. It’s what we all should do and struggle on this path.

      I believe in casting of your previous ideas, you just search what could be done easily/quickly. Writer could create thousands worlds and live there thousands lives, if you know what you are searching for or want, just imagine it.

      Main is not always creative sparkle. Main is power which could bring you that idea, to return to it day after day, revision after revision.

      It’s like with internet connection, it present not all the time. And when you have it, you should know what to do. I even stop arguing with providers, I just imagine that they do good, such kind of connection will definitelly prevent from internet addiction. (No, I haven’t phone with internet, I still have my old one with little crack on it, but with FM radio.)

      blog-by-Kateryna-Aksonova

      To choose next idea for me always takes more time than invent new. I always want to make from good better. It’s like with haircut, once you start to improve what you have, you have different sparkle in the eyes, it’s difficult not to notice what is best.

      Perhaps it’s noticeable on this week my aim is not to write or upload new play. I am not ice-cream maker. Why on rainy and not cozy day I think about ice-creams I have no idea. Just we all want what we couldn’t have now, they call it daydreaming.

      Haunting for ideas they always connect with analyze what reader will want. For my humble opinion it’s wrong. You will write it, not your reader. It’s wrong spend such amount of time with idea and not feel connection, sympathy, love.

      You should write what is interesting for you, or you know that it will be important for your curiousity. It could looks like, that I am interesting in everything. Yes and no at the same time, preferences still exists and there are motives to which I return all the time. Creativity, passion and interest to your work or hobby. Because I think it’s wrong when person is not involved in some activity about which could talk for hours.

      13.10

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      Creative muscle?


      20.09.2017

      Sorry for such private topic, but could we talk about creative muscle?

      This two connected words inspired me endlessly. First idea was is it polite to talk about or show creative muscle. Second was it sounds crazy. And here began fun. Lifting of your imagination, interval writing and stretching your passive vocabulary. I could joke about this all day, sorry.

      Idea is simple. Creativity is usual activity, which could be mastering after training or repeating. Of course it’s about importance of creativity as part of our life, because without some kind of creativity you don’t feel yourself truly alive.

      It’s like with love – you should feel that emotion to understand that you are human. With feelings it’s everything more complicated, I wanted to write play about complexity of relationships, but I try to work only on research. And idea of story was absolutely simple: you trust and jump in new situation or always analyze yourself. Good this idea is never will be old and I could return to it any time.

      Creativity makes our life what we want that it be – sparkly, shiny, beautiful. It gives to us wish to product something, not only passively consume. And to be better in it we should have/find creative muscle and work with/on it.

      Were advices – you should have overarching goal and try to accomplish it. Done. Daily. I work on foreign language. I write fiction on foreign language, I dream on foreign language. It’s like I live in different country when I work, for few hours daily.

      Creativity is like meditation and we should practice it. Maybe I don’t clear understand meditation, because wasn’t enlightened in proper places, but meditation it’s get rid of thoughts, nagging problems for relaxation. Creativity is to be open to all possible ways which choose creative idea to show itself to you. I have huge amount of notes just with one line for story. For now I made them quiet, but in every moment they could became creative monster which stole my whole attention.

      In article was idea that you shouldn’t wait for Muze, it’s not creative girl which will enter in your life. In article wasn’t denied that inspiration could came as man, so girls should be attentive. If find Muze or Pegasus, leave him at home, he could be necessary in rainy day.

      What wasn’t in the article is where to find this muscle, how to check it growth and if it’s possible to fix it when you have some disconnection with it.

      Good will be if it possible to improve muscle of language learning. I still want to add in future projects like spice one more language. For now French is out of competition, I tried, I refused it. Not on my current level of possibilities, less stress, more croissants someday will help as support for language, but not for now.

      I try to choose among Romance languages, because they won’t bring with themselves wish to remake my Scandinavian fantasy. Now I am comparing Spanish and Italian. It’s difficult, because Italian had long story in my creative work. And it was first foreign language which I choose consciously, because of this beauty. Choices which you made when you are 19 years old, usually stronger than your teenagers wishes. Bunch of ideas I will find at every language, I am sure.

      Talks about creative muscle are the same imaginary as creativity. But I think if you want to do some activity more than just once, it brings you happines. I find this connection with paintings and always glad to return to it.

      blog-by-Kateryna-Aksonova

      10.10

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      Mastering topic area.


      19.09.2017

      “Choose and master your topic area.” Most boring advice which you could read. Write only one genre till you became best of it. Good idea, proper. But when it was journalistic was idea to change your theme of interest every 3 or 5 years to have fresh eye about problem.

      Years ago it sounded amazing. But what about gained exerience and that you really became better in your topic area.

      I think in play writing I managed to unite this not united advices. I have a topic area or form – story telling in dialogue. At the same time I could change themes all the time.

      One and only problem that I have in inventing stories is names. Here doesn’t work one topic area. I would prefer to name characters “1st, 5th, 10th women/men” but it doesn’t sound properly in dialogues. So when I have opportunity I try to unite new idea with characters from previous play. Maybe it’s how was invented TV series. Could I write episodes with same characters? And just time to time change their costumes?

      My theory of plays challenge supposed to awake in me wish to deep learning and stydying, it brings only more ideas what to write about. Received in what I hadn’t necessity, inspirations for new stories with my endless notes which waits to be written.

      In life you never could get easily what is really important for you. When you search for simple solution, you’ll find complications which you had already. Maybe in this trying/waiting/attempting should be some sence. I solve this problem with weather. When in doubt – I take sunglasses and umbrella, something I will definitely use.

      Mastering it’s usual advise for writer. You know, like housewife should polish all the time, that it will shine. There is idea that without that woman will lose sence in life. The same is with writer. Polish draft, manuscript. Good idea, but you need use what you learned.

      Such way technique moved somewhere. New item should have inside previous experience but show steps forward. You know it’s like with old cars – they are shine, beautiful, attractively to tourists. But there are concept cars which exist only on papers or in the mind of creators, they so much alive, because they full of life. That’s the main reason explained in image why I don’t want to revise texts which were written few years ago and just want to write more new.

      Perhaps weekly play is too much, I will try to find something slower, but I can’t promise for sure if again returned to daily posts. I say myself that for mastering English, it’s true, but posts are not equal or perfect I just try to find some routine in my chaotic world, some anchor which could be point which worked at this day and I could accomplish it no matter what.

      18.10

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      Options.


      18.09.2017

      Yesterday I supposed to write post about my challenge. Instead I uploaded new play. I think new play weekly is good enough result for such challenge.

      Maybe, little more than I hoped for. Because I work without day offs. If you like what you do, you don’t work – I remember.

      In the end of the week I will write one more post about play write stuff. Lets pretend that I had rest from this challenge and didn’t create one more text. I choosed this kind of options.

      And in the evening was promised thunderstorm and internet connection had moods since yesterday. With this connection somehow works hackers? This is main reason that my address can be noticed as suspicios for many sites. How on this connection you could do more than check news? Maybe because it’s from Ukraine and they scary of us or don’t trust, probably both.

      On beginning of the week you should formulate some aims for seven days. I think you just have options what to do or what not to do. And other ideas with motivations and everything just don’t work. You prefer one thing instead of another and just formate your day. Ideas of play find own way into the top of your to do list.

      15.15

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      Scary me gently.


      17.09.2017

      New play I upload today.

      I am not sure about that will post another text about play writing challenge. Maybe after some time on the fresh air. If won’t be promised thunderstorm.

      All morning worked with text, adding technical details to file.

      Scary reading to all:

      Scary-me-gently-play-by-Kateryna-Aksonova

      Scary me gently. pdf


      9.50

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      Backfire of challenge.


      16.09.2017

      At Sunday will be new post about my play writing challenge. It didn’t work as I planned. Impact of learning is not such huge as I hoped.

      First is that most of I read it’s not absolutely new information for me, so it’s difficult to be excited about it. Lot of things explained on basic level for people who have no idea of theory of literature and definitely read not much.

      Second it’s most important for me and I name it – backfire of challenge. Where I turned wrong key, or accidentally say some spell, I have no answer. What I have – opened portal or something like this of ideas. New one, to be continued from previous, their buzz around me became overwhelming.

      Everywhere notes and links which will be useful for next research. Not depending of this week or beginning of other. On my mind already are few others.

      Fiction writing shouldn’t have such speed. You should spend few years on each project. But what to do with others. And not all of them already in proper length, they are like they are – as sketches or scenes.

      I wasn’t ready for such flow of creativity. A little bit tired in the moment, this month, year. But when you found what you have no idea that needed in your life, it’s impossible to refuse. Because you won’t loose, what you have. Perhaps, you don’t have palpable results jet, but when your life changed and you think for better, you don’t want to say no to this changes. You just think how to make it part of your life and start to learn how to live with it.

      We all never know where will lead us our choices, but when it’s not black end, you go there. Even when you find there obstacles about which didn’t have an idea. You want this in your life. And later you will think why it’s good that there is no day offs between projects, because it’s what you wanted in your life – writing.

      9.00

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      Responsibilities.


      15.09.2017

      We all want to be free and do what we want, but sometimes there are things which we should do first. It could be named responsibilities, deadlines, everything what had to be done.

      When you have proper work, where you have someone who says you what to do, life becames simple – you know whom to hate and whom to blame. When everything is your choice it’s also your responsibility to do what you say what you will do.

      I am always inspired by women which show online how they organized their creative work, schedule their blogs. Amazing dedication. They also have some stress in life, but later they return to their plan. This is what I want and what I better should do affects all their plans and all decisions they do for better. At least they are really convincing in it.

      My problem is a try to understand every situation and it adds more stress to my life. Best decision that I reopened writing on Ukrainian and there I could write about everything what is wrong in our system. It could be terribly long post, like today, but it helps me to concentrate on creative writing in English.

      They said, that every writer should be own CEO, boss and enterpreneur, but also most hardworking employee. Because we make planes and our responsibility is to make them alive.

      Now I have little conflict of projects. I didn’t plan to return to play with Dane and in result gave opportunity to have fun for Prince without my writing. But I already planned play with Halloween’s motives. My responsibility is to finish both of them, but how to organize it better is my headache.

      8.55

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      Personalizing world.


      14.09.2017

      When you start interesting in art at first it’s nothing to be aware of. You are just adding colours to your life, add details to your creative projects. And later you want to know more, this amazing excuse – search for references. And in your bookmark is the same amount of art connected links as links about writing.

      You start to like or not like some works of other painters, you just start to see what they do and came in mind scary urge to repeat. Before I opened some kind of art practice for myself I haven’t such kind of a wish. Now I not only want to save some picture, but also repeat it by myself. Not exactly the same, but I need to personalise, make mine what I see as attractive.

      In literature, I just wanted to write in general. I didn’t want to make my words, or story plot recognizable. Maybe, I have influence here or there, but it’s not my aim to write second “Murder in the Orient Express”. Queen of Mystery could write such story where search for who is killer had answer – everyone. It’s like joke for wondering reader. You should be best to not pay attention to rules.

      In art all this learning on experience of others give some freedom to repeat them. And you want to have not image what you see, but you want to have own work which resembles work which inspires you.

      I think this is the main reason, why art classes are such popular and videos and other learning materials. You could do it yourseld. Like cooking, but easy. Why? Because in preparing food you should make it eatable and it should look not disgusting on plate. In painting you could make mistakes and name it own style. You could show sketches and not finished work and be prised for it. In cooking it’s difficult to impress someone with not finished dish and say that you will finish it, when you will have more inspiration.

      blog-by-Kateryna-Aksonova

      In art it’s like taking visual diary of what you saw. You not only have picture of painting, you also draw it to understand it better. Colours, composition open to you in more detailed version when you try to repeat them on own scale. Most important – it could be accepted as independed work of art. I couldn’t even compare this to something which could be posibble in literature. Adaptations, perhaps, but in case of adaptation writer of original is still main. In art you could repeat someone style and be yourself. In music it will be some kind of jazz in best acceptance.

      Art give that confidence - you could repeat great artist with all this paintings by number. No one will buy a classical book where you should on own circle every letter which is in the book and put it somewhere on center of your room to be proud of. And all this sketchbooks and aspiring arist are everywhere, because they could repeat what they like and make it part of own story, make world more personal.

      blog-by-Kateryna-Aksonova

      9.35

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      Communication with ideas.


      13.09.2017

      At first, I don’t seriously believe that all ideas which came to mind are brought from some not reachable place, even it has name of inspiration. Second, some ideas could be such unusual for you, that you couldn’t predict that you could be interested in them.

      Every idea which I have I love endlessly and it is dear to me. But in the writing world exist such terrible advice “you should kill your dearest.” It’s about ideas, scenes, lines, of which you proud the most. Like I wrote yesterday, I will kill story which became my creative problem. I promise myself that I will return to it, everything will be fine. Like lover before departure promises that this feeling will stay forever.

      Most of the times I really return to ideas which I liked and which I miss. Not soon, like writer who explains that character which was killed in first book survived in forth. To return to previous experience is much easier then create something new. You are aware of problems, you don’t jump to change everything, sometimes annoying feeling of previous dissapointment could add little headache, but not such painful as everything around.

      I try to communicate with every idea, they name it something like creative meditation. You listen to story, not like voices in your head, I haven’t them, I just see story like some kind of film in my mind with lines, good when they already happened on the stage, it helps in dividing on scenes. Bad that I not always could describe everything what I see or paint. It’s still looks like adaptation from book which was written on foreign language in which I have empty spaces in vocabulary. Good that readers couldn’t notice that difference.

      I always try to negotiate with story about different scripts how it could moves or how it could be showed. With this story with Hamlet walks away importance of Danish language knowledge. Also moves away pain of returning in this complicated story. Hamlet need all yours existence, it’s not best decision when you are in the endless stress and somedays have no idea what to do. You have a lot of stuff, which turns around you, you pick one thing and hope that others, when fall, won’t destroy you.

      On the other side - French is still on the list. I try to explain why I could survive without it, because if not, it will bring question about using other languages. I need to make monolingual play.

      Also I want to write strong play, but I am tired of conflicts, edges of feelings. I want to start a blog about Hygge and write about good in life.

      Sometimes I just want boring life, where nothing is happened. You know, writer who knits, bothers about school of children, what to prear for dinner to husband. And in time when she wants tear apart her life without commotions she opens notebook with fluffy cover and write there what she is longing – events.

      Inside me is always earthquake of emotions, wishes how to change a world and other not necessary stuff. And when I want to write something new – I negotiate at first with myself – any manifests. Make temperature of water bearable, you don’t need everytime boiling water. No one need it every time, pay attention to readers who could spend all day choosing in internet colour of walls for future house and make from it inspiration board. Yes, all this could be named – calm down about things changes of which is not in your power. It’s terribly difficult, because humility is not my virtue.

      I work on my creative process, my feelings to it. I want to do more and at the same time gather some strenght for future projects.

      10.55

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      Relax, Sweet Prince.


      12.09.2017

      Long time spend waiting of the bus (40 minutes), in the transport trying reach destination point could give endless time for meditation and reflection. I tried not to concentrate on endless papers which for now already took time of 7 months. I was thinking about which story to write next, or which finish and polish.

      Definitelly all my thoughts as result ended with play which I try to finish for many years. It was not what I was waiting for – but I tired of research and analyze of Hamlet. All the time in the brain, like nagging melody, is one of comment to article: “There are others plays of Shakespeare, leave in piece for some time Hamlet.” I could write 30 pages why it’s wrong and how important for everyone story of Hamlet. But now it’s more “poor Hamlet, I knew him”.

      I hate procrastination, because for me is easy to make something now and then move further to next project, new idea which needs my attention. Just do how it could be done in that moment.

      But story of Danish Prince is now not inspiring for me. I wrote that I need feeling of fresh beginning, all that stuff. And draft of the play I see daily on my table. Black end, I hate black ends in creative projects.

      I was thinking about all that advices that you should make life simplier, not more complicated and you will receive clear solution of problem. I believe that you find solution of problem, when you spend enough time thinking of it.

      Ta da! I had a solution. Hurray it’s not exactly what I need, because after enormous working circle I returned to beginning. What was in beginning? Play about director, playwright and actor. Simple as this. Later I add there one more idea and tried to unite them.

      It’s such amazing feeling of freedom, when you know what you will be do now. It doesn’t matter, that from done work I could use 5% in general in new story. But I could put away story with Hamlet till I will be ready. Relax, Sweet Prince, this year it’s not my turn to torture you.

      It will bring other reading list for research and preparation. Lot of work to do, but I know how I will do it. No matter, how long it will take, I will have finished play.

      13.10

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      Commonness of catastrophes.


      11.09.2017

      September 11, day which started new era in history. Pain, loss and fear became main feelings. Quantity of reasons to experience this now escalating. And happened what is absolutely wrong but it became commonness.

      There are such many tragedies, that not every of them are on world importance list. They became painful only with people who were somehow involved.

      Wars, refugees, acts of terrorism and hurricans became yearly, monthly, usual. People learned to put a border between themselves and what happens not with them. Our news are good example of it – at first conclusions of previous day: how many injured and dead and before weather are announcing of intertainment which could be interesting for you in town.

      Life go on, we survived – such mottos, like nothing happened around. Now personal interests are main, people live in the bubble. And wish to make bubble comfortable is what couldn’t be doubted.

      People watch hurricanes on-line and left comments. It’s their reality show and they don’t even think that they could watch it because have good internet connection.

      We could blame cinema that made catastrophes part of entertainment, when sit in comfortable chair till the credits. But scary tales were always popular among human. Maybe before it makes people more aware of what could happen. Now it’s a little bit laziness with deep convincing that problems never will be connected with them.

      Too many cries for help and humanity start to see it like white noise, which haven’t nothing in common to them. I know there are people who try something, bring attention, protest, help – but their results are too difficult to notice. It could be because they try to put together pieces in falling wall, not to build new stronger wall as protection. It’s difficult to solve a problems when there aren’t wish to do it.

      All that dark dates should be reminder of importance of life, fragile of human relationships, but in relity they are reminder of nothing is changed for good. People still can’t find a reason to be in good relationships with each other. People are helpless in front of nature. All science should have solutions for such problems, but like in beginning of time we could just be afraid of nature, of it’s power.

      Evolution of human lead to helpless, afraid creature, which is have only one happiness in life – lovely cats videos. Amazing result of science and culture influence, people live inside their invented world and don’t want to deal with problems around their shelter. In psychology it has name of deny. If you deny it existance you haven’t need to deal with it. Someday will came acceptance and after it wish to change what you have for now. Will be better to speed this process to start solving some discomforts in life.

      I didn’t even mention politics, because I haven’t even slight idea how will end everything what we now have in Lviv with former Georgia’s President. Lviv should be in center of everything, other question in what cost. Few weeks ago I heard some politics analytic, who said “it will be slowly and lazy autumn in Ukrainian politic”. What he is thinking now about his ideas? Did he need pepper to easy eat his hat? I have for it Ukrainian blog, I remember. We will see how it will be till Friday.

      12.35

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      Switching languages hurts.


      10.09.2017

      New weekly post about play writing.

      I wrote this post with endless slowness. I spend some time today on checking objectively which language not counting English I know not horrible.

      French and German are at the same level and it’s not inspire me. Italian even worse than they. With Spanish everything stronger and on level better, but I still feel myself there “false beginner”. Other languages woke up in my mind and now it makes troubles to write easy post on English. Before that was clear balance – English in every possible form.

      I will try to repeat later this experiment and check level of distraction for English. When I didn’t write on foreign language, I could switch studying of few languages daily and don’t notice troubles.

      blog-by-Kateryna-Aksonova

      18.33

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      Vox populi.


      9.09.2017

      Vox populi is what we search before start to read book or watch film. I read it only of one reason – I need to know the end. I could read/watch story where main hero will be dead in the end, but I need to be ready for this. Yes, I didn’t read/watch stories to add some stress in my life. I want to know what waits me, because in real life I can’t receive this answer.

      All this comments could be paid advertisement, we all aware of this. But they are first what you find about every item. It could be cosmetics or paintings. Every one has own point of view, which haven’t nothing common with your experience.

      Even in sound convincing opinions you could notice bells of danger. You just notice them. When I read detailed article about paint, I read one sentence which was reason why I deleted this resource. “You should have basic 12 colours, because it’s impossible to make them yourself”. It was about blue and light blue. If artist sure that’s impossible to make light blue from blue, better I will read other artist.

      And as result now we have society of opinions. Everyone had own experience and their experience shadowing all others who wanted to try. If I believe in all opinions, I could never saw a lot of amazing film, because some bored person didn’t get story in first five minutes.

      Problem that we couldn’t pretend all the time that opinions don’t exist. Few words about Hamlet. I not now deep in research, but daily read newspapers headlines. Someone opened discussion about video with RADA’s Hamlet. I made huge mistakes and search about comments in internet. Briefly there are few ideas which are far away from each other.

      First idea that Mr.Hiddleston’s Hamlet is nothing and never could be compared to works of Mr.Scott and Mr.Cumberbatch. Here we have usual - everyone has different tastes. And it’s horrible loss that not everyone had opportunity to see Mr.Scott’s performance.

      Other idea more revolutionary or remind some illness, but exist. In this idea in everything is guilty Sir Branagh. Did he directed something wrong? No, they have version that director is jealous to talent of his actor and made everything to hide shining of this performance.

      Impressive? Vox populi? Notes from crazy people? Then I made one more step and checked how professional are people who could find explanation to everything. I start to read blogs of performance visitors. I promised not to do it after Mr.Cumberbatch’s Hamlet. But passed few years. Why I thought that something could change for better? What I find it has nothing common with Shakespeare or Hamlet. What they describe is not changes which were made in text, but detailed phisical appearance of actor. They don’t need performance at all, the same they don’t need video of it, because on video they won’t catch smell of their heartthrob.

      Could be based opinion on that level of spectators, readers? No, but this is in reality. There are people who made noise and their influence dangerous and not good for culture. It should be changed someway. I don’t know, maybe refuse some coments, stars and give opportunity to person to make own opinion. Be serious about all this writing as verdict for level of film, based only on trailer, it’s sickness. I know, cinema connected magazines could write an article based on one still from film. It’s level of profession and opportunity to have job. It’s not comparable, people are paid for this.

      blog-by-Kateryna-Aksonova

      9.35

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      Stop the silence.


      8.09.2017

      Like I told before, when I hadn’t enough time for new creativity, I finish previous drafts and made from them texts to upload. This was with yesterday’s play.

      I all the time return to themes of writing and painting. Painting is mine main “if only...”. If only I could paint/draw/sketch better it could change planns for all my projects. To be exactly, I will make other projects. I was thinking about saving my fantasy – to not write, but to draw what I see. With my level of drawing it’s impossible.

      Of course, it was idea of make something like comics. Comics are very inspiring form of art. At first you could make less texts and lot of pictures which express tense glance. In text explanation of how s/he looks could be too long and artifical. Second – quantity of characters. It’s endless possibility for every writer. Because of this fans want films with every character good or evil – it’s opportunity for moving stories. I don’t even mention that in drawing you could make costumes, not bothering how they should made – they were made from your fantasy.

      Probably after challenge with crafting plays I should spend more time on painting. Drawing will be good supporter for my creativity. I believe in talent and ability, but I also believe in practice which makes everything better. Because as writer my main aim is to explain clear my vision of story, not left readers wondering in levels of interpretations.

      About name of post – Stop the silence. It’s about returning to write on Ukarainian language. For now I am planning weekly posts: Нотатки Небайдужої.

      This idea came as solution with not manageable level of stress which I have. If I will write easyly on my native language, it should be not such difficult. Everyone for whom English is not native will understand my pressure. Catalyst was idea to add one more foreign language on serious level.

      16.15

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      Five easels.


      7.09.2017

      New play about artists:

      blog-by-Kateryna-Aksonova

      Play Five easels. pdf


      17.20

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      Find meaning in work.


      6.09.2017

      Today I read an article about burn out and probably I just tired, because still have ideas what to do, but for now confused in their order.

      Delete stress is their main idea. I put as background music relaxing piano. Best idea was to empty mind, but for now I have a long road to master this simple advice. Simple things are most difficult to accomplish. Have no idea why.

      And there was this advice “find meaning in work”. After of all deep research, battles – how to write, there is simple – why. What is meaning of your work? At first I understand that have no idea what to answer. I was such unsure that even search in internet – what is the meaning of writing. It was stupid activity, like search for meaning of breathing.

      Answer was that writer do it at first for comunication – to have chance tell more that one person what is on our mind. Good idea. In journalistic I know that I told people about events where they weren’t present, had their attention to something what is worth mentioning.

      In writing fiction what about you want that your readers know. What is going on in your imagination? It’s like to tell what dream you had last night. By the way in beginning of September I always have dreams about stuffy rooms with lot of books. We have in Lviv huge book exhibition in September and no matter if I visit it or not, I have yearly dreams with smell of new books and not enough fresh air to breathe. If I could regulate my dreams, I at least add there open window with fresh breath with some lovely flowers smell.

      To write because your idea need attention of everyone, it’s some level of too much courage. Of course, I sometimes also had this mood. “I came to Paris with four écus in my pocket, and I’d have fought with anybody who told me I was in no condition to buy the Louvre” Alexandre Dumas, The Three Musketeers. But should it sound differently “My life is my message” Gandhi.

      Someone could say that you write because you are introvert. We all don’t show everything what is inside our mind. “You do not need to leave your room. Remain sitting at your table and listen. Do not even listen, simply wait, be quiet, still and solitary. The world will freely offer itself to you to be unmasked, it has no choice, it will roll in ecstasy at your feet” Franz Kafka.

      Writer observes to tell about experience of observations to other. I don’t believe in idea that many writers were introverts. If they didn’t want that other read their thought, we will never saw their books. It’s just they wanted to spend some time not alone – it’s wrong – with crowd of ideas which jumps inside their mind all the time. It looks not polite when in the middle of conversation you search for pen and paper to note idea which came to your mind. Only family which loves you don’t pay attention to it, they will wait when you will return from fantasy world to reality. It’s like person with asthma (every one had such person somewhere around) needs time to breath, you can’t be blamed for that.

      From there is main meaning for writing it’s egoistic pleasure of be what you are. Like bees they produced honey not for us, it’s their life purpose. But George Orwell expains it more harsh “desire to seem clever, to be talked about, to be remembered after death”. I can’t agree – it is dependings from perceptions of us by others. You never could trust on opinion of others, when you search for own pleasure.

      Because we do it for ourselves, I can’t get why all writers such scary about competition. Thousands book produced every minute, they all are scary for your tiny peace of work.

      Calm down, if you are not Christ, you can’t gave food to everyone. What I am about? Could you write 365 new novels/texts in a year? Yes. Congratulation – you should be afraid of competitions. Your fingers are still moving – one more time congratulations. If not. Calm down, your reader will wait till your next “masterpiece”. And what to read till that. You will suggest – anything. But if you are writer, you are also a reader. You won’t tell this to someone. It’s like with TV series, seasons ends, people wants to watch something else. Problem is not in competition, it’s in you – you can’t produce enough.

      Meaning in writing is to feel alive, what I liked as best explanation. It’s our understanding of be alive. Someone needs for this playing piano, someone needs for this mix colours. You do it because you find that life could give you more, not just waiting for weekend. With each accomplished project you destroy borders of boredom, learn something new, create new story, like create new dot on your night sky.

      Most absurd and true that meaning of writing to find a meaning during writing. In writing is most important the process, how we see situations, characters, we are search for explanation. And we are satisfied in that explanation before someone else could see our work. You could call it therapy, religion. But even in imagining world we try to explain what we see – results is in fiction. It’s like explaining dreams, there are even some books what dream is about what.

      Writer comment own life in whole and than show what meaning in this s/he discovered, it’s like results for research in human nature. It’s practical science of the life. What writers do it’s important, because books change people same way that it do medicine. Writer is an observer, but his telescope is not in searching new moon, his microscope in finding tiny sparkles of life. That’s the reason why writers remind “crazy professor” we pay more attention to invent new experiment than on real life circumstances. We ask questions and find answers. We are bees, we make honey, honey is good for reader.

      Find meaning in work is like find a reason why some person was/is in your life. We all know that there are people who bring lessons. Usually there are lessons why you shouldn’t do it in first place. There are people you know that wasn’t best in your life and you are ready to argue about that with them to the end of times. It’s strongest relationships which never lose their colour, they have own power station of emotions.

      There are people who you miss, because there are no chance for meeting again. This is saddest part of everyone’s life. And there are people who came to your life just to show that you didn’t need their presence in your life. It’s passengers in the bus who were terribly loud and after two bus stops went out and their not presence made life better. They have no reasons to be in your life, they are just noise of car which signaled on empty road, they needs just turn of your head of their direction, this is sence of their existence, to be marked by attention.

      And one more – piano music inspire for long texts, I will try it with fiction. Amazing instrument.

      After what I wrote about writing – writing time now could be called time spend in laboratory with experiments and blog is diary of them. “The true alchemists do not change lead into gold; they change the world into words” William H.Gass.

      blog-by-Kateryna-Aksonova

      15.55

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      Daily habit.

      5.09.2017

      When I am not learning English, I spend time on reading how to make it better. In one of articles I read that better way is to use language daily and for not miss it – mark in calendar.

      Were times when it’s could be connected with me. Now it’s impossible, because my whole life connected with language, English language. I had big holes in projects in which I need more languages than English. I am still scary when spend more time on other language, will be problems in English.

      Confusing words with my level of spelling is bonus which I refuse for now. Of course, it’s my third language during day, if not count not regular Polish listening. On radio we have also programs on Polish.

      Time to time I am thinking about other language to improve. In September there are a lot of spam from different language’s schools which promise amazing results with prices which are less than usual. New slogans are “now English is not enough”, “You need to know not only English.” Are you kidding me? Are you trying to make my life more miserable with new verbs which have own rules of conjugation? Breath in, breathe out. It’s not real, it doesn’t happen and somewhere is antidote which proves that English is key which suits everywhere.

      Because no matter that I wrote on different languages, for writer is easy to be monolingual. It helps you to stay focused. And with new language you start from beginning. And I know that in best possible script I will begin from simple bilingual kids stories. For me knowing language is writing on it. Giuseppe Gasparo Mezzofanti example inspires everyone who wants to learn more than native language.

      One more foreign language should be also daily habit. But here is such difficult to choose. I read about Castelano as phonetical language and extremely easy because of this. French in their spelling probably was inspired by Chinese complexity. Italian – I don’t know and Slavic languages it’s not serious.

      I had an idea of American English, but I understand it’s not could be count. And this complicated choice among languages, there is big possibility to spend time on irregular verbs and later be dissapointed. If language could show some sign which prove me attractiveness of it grammar, honesty – I could be ready to open vocabulary.

      blog-by-Kateryna-Aksonova

      8.25

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      Building sand castles.


      4.09.2017

      Dark Monday’s morning, heavy rain and +10C. Summer is definitely over. Now it’s proper time to revise it results.

      Building sand castles is thought after yesterday’s post about “understanding stage”. Theatre is more fragile art, changeable and about this should remember writers.

      My understanding that in theatre everything last till next wave came from experience that I illustrate my text. It takes some time to create all what could be named a scene, costumes. I feel some rush to finish it, because for me is endlessly interesting how story will look like when became not only black words on page.

      It is lot of little technical work which will make it looks finished. Main is uploading new text on line. Give my other ship feeling of the water. (Really heavy rain, so all my association with water now.) Day or two after it I check details. Even feel some euphoria. Later came understanding that you should clean everything from previous text.

      Time to destroy your sand castles. It’s feeling of some pity, when you put away backdrops and costumes will end in trash. In theatre you can’t wait that it will last forever. In theatre everything fragile and because of this unique.

      Theatre just can’t be completely catch in time and saved. You could tell me about theatre shows which were recorded. It was one glimpse. If record every show, you will see they all are different in details. And it’s true when we talk about 10 or 100 shows. It’s like writer’s revision of draft. There is also unnoticed revision which was between and was only in the mind of writer. Umberto Eco wrote about it more detailed.

      When you close project, some magic disappear and it broke you heart, a little, every project. It’s like actor who cleans face from make up, in that moment words which were said on stage lost their meaning.

      Summer projects – like always were more ideas that I could managed. Level of stress is still my main problem. It’s just difficult to build something sustainable when soil is crumbling. But you just don’t pay attention and try to build your life even on moving sand.

      I took some projects which I just wanted to try for a long time and give myself permission just to have fun. Also were unexpected projects, from which I hoped will be series of texts. Probably I had to write more simple kids stories, but my mind was full of adult’s disappointments. I am happy with what I already did, because I wasn’t sure that will have strength even for that.

      There are always some projects around. Some will be new, other will be previous, for which I could make more stories.

      Summer is over. After hot days we will wait for cozy evenings. And all previous castles still are in the texts, if there is wish for some nostalgia.

      blog-by-Kateryna-Aksonova

      8.45

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      What I want?

      3.09.2017

      Weekly post about play writing like usual in second blog.

      I wanted to write one more post. Yesterday, suddenly I watched surprisingly hilarious action film The Hitman's Bodyguard (2017). Duo of Samuel L. Jackson and Ryan Reynolds it’s just new level of comedy pairs. Salma Hayek as Kincaid’s wife like always uncomparable. I even don’t ask where they found mountains in Belarus, such liked this film.

      If not mention action and level of not polite words... It’s story about one man who knows what he wants and receive it and other man who is not sure what to do with his life, because he didn’t sure in his wishes. Of course, all sympathy has Samuel L. Jackson’s character, he is charming.

      Story is simple – if you want something, nothing will stop you. It’s could be good example with person. (Tulips for woman who you love, like in film.) It could be good example of what you do. If I spend whole Sunday’s morning reading about writing and synonims in English for words “big”, “very”, “said”, “talk” and don’t complain about it – it’s what I want, it’s what is interesting for me. And I don’t understand people who needs motivation to write. You like it or not.

      It’s much easy with work, hobby, than with person. With people there are too complicated relationships, twists and doubts. I know, I am writer, this is my work. In real life we are afraid that what we will say will have more meanings, than should, it will make everything not solvable and there are no chance for good idea from writer, how it should work.

      Especially it’s difficult in the beginning of communication, because of this for me is easy write stories not starting with first meeting. Because never knows if will be to be continued after opening scene. If characters are ready for future dialogue, it’s time to write.

      blog-by-Kateryna-Aksonova

      12.15

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      Evergreen content.

      2.09.2017

      There are people who are endlessly serious about content of their blogs. They are bloggers. So they try something which stay on years. Article which will be proper for some season after few years.

      Internet remember everything, it could be good idea. In newspapers I wrote yearly about Christmas coming, exhibitions. No one named it evergreen content. Archives exists, but not lot of people return to them.

      One of my research papers (курсова робота) in University was about polemic before election (Передвиборча полеміка в газеті “День”). I analized there articles, how they discused with each others what will be better for nation. I am not sure if remember all names now. Life can’t give evergreen content.

      Life changes, everything became history. And you should chose what is still important to you and what should be deleted. This what to choose never works with me, so I just delete month after month, because can’t be such cruel to my work and decide that some part of it was not worthy.

      Content should be not only evergreen – they also motivated you to write it. I read crazy dangerous idea to reward yourself: “Give yourself one piece of candy per 100 words written”. To this moment I already wrote 200 words – 2 candies. Previous post was more than 900 words, I checked. Play near 5000 words should be 50 candies. I am curious if this lady has some connection with sweets business, or just with weight loss programms. Or she just found how make population of writers less numerous.

      Candies it’s good evergreen content, especially fight with weakness to them. Good people of internet always put interesting exercises on-line. I know there is new religion that you should look like walking example for learning bones.

      I can’t say that I am sceptical, I can say that they never have real troubles in life if what they care about most is how they look in the mirror. In Ukraine we had Holodomor (Голодомо́р) and family of my grandfather mostly didn’t survive it. Perhaps this people also didn’t see how looks like people who are dying from cancer or other illness. They even didn’t have some protesting ideas. I know I try to find reason for their activity. It’s work of psychiatry, not mine.

      My main interest in workouts – to stand up from computer: stop writing new texts or learn endlessly English. During workouts also there is huge possibility to have new ideas for writing and I keep notebook near me. Time to time I have a wish to write something like “Writer tries to be fit” when I found hilarious articles or advices, but I already had failed idea how to make play from it. Yes, I need to make from everything text, because when I have lot of information, I should put it somewhere and have freedom of endless comments.

      I don’t know about evergreen content, but I could write about everything, but not always think it will be a good idea to print it. Life is hard, it didn’t work like we wish. But in writing you could receive freedom and justice, because it should be real at least in imaginary world. This is main reason why creativity is such attractive.

      blog-by-Kateryna-Aksonova

      7.40

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      Add drama.

      1.09.2017

      Probably I already wrote about it. Was such slogan in one of contests where I participated “Add drama”. When you have no idea which emotions need your text, always add drama, if can’t go further and kill your character.

      Write something emotional always easy than write simple story for kids. You know that your aim is to make boiling water more boiling. Here is most important is not to dry your interest completelly.

      I have many projects which are on pause. I could explain that they need more research, but problem is with me – I lost tempo.

      Of course my now big not ended play is with Dane. Maybe I took this theme too soon and not in proper life circumstances of my life. Play was written with intervals with different mood. And what I have as result is not that I want to show as result. Perhaps I need some decluterring of my mind from Hamlet. Poor Shakespeare’s text in last time was used a lot. “Fountain also need some rest.”

      Hamlet is like mountain, on top of which everyone should made a selfie, just to be like every one. Like water, it needs some time that ooze will calm down and water will be possible for drink again.

      I didn’t like that from idea of deep thoughts it became some satirical story. I became too exited about idea that I could have fun and create possible interpretations in relationships of this play. I don’t remember exactly, but it was idea of some writer that you could write annotations for not existed books, maybe it was Lem. I frequently use this idea when mentioned books of my fiction writers in plays. It had something common with writing jokes, but in such jokes you just lost serious idea.

      Sometimes I just need to give freedom myself from some idea, because it became to nagging. Close some doors and later will see it like from first time and notice what good was accomplished.

      Hamlet is like sweets – you could eat them daily without control. But after some time you don’t want sweets, you want salt, pepper, anything but not sweets. You just have enough of it to see it as something attractive. You need time to open it again, find it fresh, but it’s not today. It have nothing common with my level of tiredness. Just some stories add your strengh and you spend time with them, other took more time from you with not satisfying result.

      My problem with This Play of Bard is that ambitions make me blind. “Actor plays Hamlet” still is translation of Russian. And play on English will be new level of language. Wish to accomplish it as soon as possible is destroying for my creative abilities. Most painful competitions usually I have with myself. Not every idea worth all pain to accomplish it.

      I have hunger to creativity, but it sometimes be destroying. I do what I could do. All needs proper situation. I need more time, different mood. Like with yesterday’s play – from failed short story I made tiny play. I didn’t need to add there more drama, it had enough.

      Sometimes I am thinking that it’s nothing complicated to write proper romantic story. But with my sceptical mind to write simple romantic description is challenge. “At first she noticed his body.” Why? Did it was corpse which she noticed on the floor? Not romantic. And most of the time if character is not naked, he at least shirtless. Here we should have really wild fantasy to put such possible scene in the office. She somehow should destroy his clothes. In romantic story he will be amused, in real life think how to never meet this crazy women, who is such dangerous for his belongings.

      Also such kind of stories could have a drama. Writers like to broke something to character. Because should be reason why he didn’t run away from her. And after that writer starts to play in nurse with whole imagination. Drama in such story will be that he will end in the hospital without total care of our main heroine.

      Stupidity of misunderstandings it also tought part. Why two adult people can’t just sit and talk? For own experience I know it helps enormously in battle with gossips and overthinking, but it’s impossible to use in romantic story.

      When you write about break up you didn’t try to put everything together. You just make all details not fit for each other and you have drama. Drama in which you don’t need to write “she dreamed about his stong hands/legs/ears to hold in her fingers”. But problem that there are huge popularity among women of this stories. Readers need “her hands moved slowly on his chest/hair/level of patience”. You see I can write it, because I know which are rules of every style. But it wasn’t me if I didn’t add some twist, because life is not straight road without curves.

      Today I wrote thoughts which supposed to be with yesterday’s play, but my mood was absolutelly different. You know, I understand that should be smily like all that writers women on the photos. Purest and kindest soul, especially it catches eyes if she writes horrors or bloody mysteries. Romantic writers also have wild imagination which hided behind official photos. But in reality there is something which force you to write mystery with cutted heads and endless scenes of passion.

      Long post, sorry, but again I wrote in pauses of such quiet activity as cutting trees and not at first noticed what I already managed to wrote.

      blog-by-Kateryna-Aksonova

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