Kate Aksonova. After New Year resolutions.



    From play Dawn of hen-party.


    ROBIN – Nell’s husband.




    Office room after New Year’s party.

    With heads on tables sleep characters. On tables are lot of papers, bottles, some food.

    Nell accidentally touches bottle and bottle fells from table. All wake up. At Robin’s forehead sticky note “KEY”.

    NELL: Oh my God. I am so sorry.

    ROBIN: Yes, darling, you are right. (fells asleep)

    AUGUSTA: My head.

    CLARISA: You fell where is head.

    JOAN: Why we are here?

    NELL: Good question.

    AUGUSTA: It’s your office – Nell.

    NELL: Yes, first party in my new office. Right.

    ROBIN: Yes, darling, you are right. (fells asleep)

    AUGUSTA: First party was when we celebrate your new office.

    CLARISA: Two different days.

    JOAN: New Year!

    NELL: Happy New Year to you also.

    JOAN: We celebrated here New Year.

    NELL: Now it’s morning. New Year came already. Now it’s This Year.

    ROBIN: Yes, darling, you are right. (fells asleep)

    AUGUSTA: Happy this year everyone.

    CLARISA: To you also, Augusta.

    JOAN: And to you Nelly.

    NELL: Joan, same to you.

    AUGUSTA: Clarisa, why we are here?

    CLARISA: We were invited.

    JOAN: Definitely.

    NELL: Why you are still here?

    ROBIN: Yes, darling, you are right. (fells asleep)

    NELL: Why on Robin’s forehead is sticky note “Key”? You has a key, Robin.

    ROBIN: Yes, darling, you are right. (fells asleep)

    AUGUSTA: Why he has a key from your office?

    NELL: Don’t look at me, I don’t remember.

    CLARISA: And who remember what.

    JOAN: We should start from beginning.

    NELL: Perfect idea.

    ROBIN: Yes, darling, you are right. (fells asleep)

    AUGUSTA: You all are wrong. I was at memory about training. No. I was at training about memory.

    CLARISA: Really. How it was?

    JOAN: Was he attractive?

    AUGUSTA: Jeremy?

    CLARISA: You remember his name.

    AUGUSTA: It was first exercise. When you try to remember something, you should start from the end not at the beginning.

    CLARISA: End of what?

    NELL: It doesn’t make sense.

    ROBIN: Yes, darling, you are right. (fells asleep)

    AUGUSTA: Listen. We should remember not how we came here, but how we decided to sleep here.

    CLARISA: Last thing what I remember was...

    JOAN: Yes...

    CLARISA: That is impossible to sleep here.

    JOAN: You proved that you were wrong.

    NELL: My office is perfectly cosy to spend accidentally night.

    ROBIN: Yes, darling, you are right. (fells asleep)

    AUGUSTA: Girls, I don’t like this papers, at which I slept.

    CLARISA: Why?

    AUGUSTA: Five of us invented new firm.

    CLARISA: Five?

    NELL: Robin?

    ROBIN: Yes, darling, you are right. (fells asleep)

    JOAN: And how it called.

    AUGUSTA: “Golden...” Oh my God!

    CLARISA: Girls, I don’t want to hurt no one. But name “Golden Oh my God” we’ll be difficult to promote. My advice legitimate, because it’s from person who works in PR.

    AUGUSTA: It has different name.

    CLARISA: Which one?

    AUGUSTA: Second word it’s with what you sit.

    CLARISA: Chair?

    NELL: What you use to sit on chair? Yes, Augusta.

    ROBIN: Yes, darling, you are right. (fells asleep)

    AUGUSTA: Yes, Robin is right.

    JOAN: Control percentage of shares is mine. I slept on that paper. Girls it was such generous from you. I never forgive... Forget you that.

    NELL: You are welcome.

    AUGUSTA: Nell, you know what’s going on?

    NELL: Have no idea. But if it’s important for Joan.

    AUGUSTA: “We promise to raise money enough to have without N”. Moey.

    CLARISA: What?

    AUGUSTA: Money without N it’s Moey.

    NELL: True.

    JOAN: It’s not money.

    NELL: What is this?

    JOAN: I remember, but it slips from my memory.

    CLARISA: Sure?

    JOAN: If I memorize I don’t ask.

    CLARISA: Yes. Without N, it’s your ex.

    JOAN: Why?

    CLARISA: Because after your broke up...

    JOAN: Yes. It’s his name, which I didn’t want to name. So without Name!

    NELL: It was clear to me from first sight.

    ROBIN: Yes, darling, you are right. (fells asleep)

    AUGUSTA: Where is key?

    NELL: Robin has it. Someone wrote this on him. We will return to this later, we have more important things to relive here.

    ROBIN: Yes, darling, you are right. (fells asleep)

    CLARISA: Joan, why you need money?

    JOAN: To not repeat previous mistakes.

    NELL: Which one?

    AUGUSTA: You remember much more than you should.

    JOAN: I drink less, because cried.

    NELL: Why?

    JOAN: Because it was disgusting to remember about him.

    NELL: Without name.

    JOAN: Yes.

    AUGUSTA: You wanted that it will never happen again.

    CLARISA: To have money enough to have such kind of men near you.

    NELL: Is he entertainment man, like with my mother-in-law?

    ROBIN: Yes, darling, you are right. (fells asleep)

    AUGUSTA: I don’t remember this.

    CLARISA: Is he with women only for money?

    JOAN: You never could say that I spend time with such kind of man.

    NELL: Sorry, Joan.

    JOAN: He is with women not only for money, sometimes it’s for barter.

    NELL: Important difference.

    AUGUSTA: Why you need him?

    JOAN: I don’t.

    NELL: Why then?

    JOAN: If someone of us will be in the same situation, we will know what to do.

    NELL: Wise words.

    ROBIN: Yes, darling, you are right. (fells asleep)

    AUGUSTA: Why you need man to whom you should pay?

    CLARISA: Did he say that want money for his... How to tell it aloud for girl with manners. His interest.

    JOAN: Never. He has perfect manners.

    NELL: But.

    JOAN: Based on his previous experience I made conclusion that if some money I could spend with him or at him, it will be good for our relationship.

    AUGUSTA: Why we didn’t name company just with second word?

    CLARISA: I remember – we voted against it.

    JOAN: I appreciate this.

    NELL: Every man could has something to be easily identified with and it’s good if we...

    AUGUSTA: Shut up!

    CLARISA: Now, when we are sober. Tell, what he said to you.

    NELL: We are sober?

    ROBIN: Yes, darling, you are right. (fells asleep)

    AUGUSTA: Joan has feelings.

    CLARISA: Yes, defender. Augusta, you has hot feelings to Mr Warm.

    JOAN: No.

    NELL: She has warm feeling to Mr Hot.

    AUGUSTA: It’s not your business – temperature of my old feelings to Mr Hot.

    NELL: Mr Hot. I have better memory.

    ROBIN: Yes, darling, you are right. (fells asleep)

    AUGUSTA: I won’t propose myself to him.

    CLARISA: We suggested it.

    JOAN: We voted for it.

    NELL: Because of your awful character you are still not married.

    AUGUSTA: Probably. But even he won’t be the first to whom I’ll propose myself. Man should make first step.

    CLARISA: You are boring.

    NELL: Clarisa, what about amusement with your film producer or let me remember clear, at reality he is...

    CLARISA: Insurance agent with stupid garden near house. Wife and two children.

    JOAN: It’s boring.

    CLARISA: I learned. How beautiful he could talk. How boring was his life that he invented another, where he could do different things, in imagination. What did he said to you?

    JOAN: I never met your insurance agent.

    NELL: Not Clarise problem, but yours.

    JOAN: He asked what I could propose to him for one unforgettable night with him...

    NELL: And you were mute.

    JOAN: Yes, I was.

    AUGUSTA: It was humiliating.

    CLARISA: You hadn’t ideas.

    NELL: Erotic?

    AUGUSTA: For one night, difficult to choose.

    JOAN: I had a lot of ideas! Not connected with sexual relationships. But what was on my mind it’s criminal, not good for his health and illegal in every country of the world, so I was quiet.

    NELL: Dilemma. But he should be punished.

    ROBIN: Yes, darling, you are right. (fells asleep)

    AUGUSTA: For it there is justice.

    JOAN: Or illnesses which are usual for his hobby.

    NELL: That’s our girl.

    AUGUSTA: And because of this we created enterprise for “women in need”.

    CLARISA: Yes, it’s possible that one of us will be such out of mind...

    JOAN: But no one of us have enough money.

    AUGUSTA: I see numbers. Is he really such expensive?

    JOAN: Not cheap and this is with discount.

    NELL: Whose idea was to give him for rent time to time? Robin?

    ROBIN: Yes, darling, you are right. (fells asleep)

    AUGUSTA: He is not profitable for personal use only.

    JOAN: He is.

    NELL: How here moored Robin?

    AUGUSTA: You loose keys.

    CLARISA: No, she forget them at home.

    JOAN: Why we don’t went away?

    NELL: When Robin came, we celebrated opening of new partnership.

    ROBIN: Yes, darling, you are right. (fells asleep)

    AUGUSTA: And Robin said...

    CLARISA and JOAN and AUGUSTA (at the same time): Investment in service which will be popular with wide category of consumers is good investment.

    NELL: Hope we didn’t tell Robin what kind of service it was.

    ROBIN: Yes, darling, you are right. (fells asleep)

    AUGUSTA: We should stop to celebrate in such way.

    CLARISA: Why? Everything is under control. We made notes.

    JOAN: With notes everything is clear.

    NELL: It is. Now we should call a taxi and close an office for holiday’s celebration.

    ROBIN: Yes, darling, you are right. (fells asleep)

    AUGUSTA: New Year repeatedly begins with headache.

    CLARISA: Good that we wrote our resolutions on paper.

    JOAN: You won’t read it aloud.

    NELL: She would.

    AUGUSTA: Give it back to me!

    CLARISA: No. “Mr Hot is real man and I have no idea how to behave with him after experience of communication with whining boys.”

    NELL: It’s not resolution.

    CLARISA: It’s verdict.

    JOAN: Unconditional surrender.

    AUGUSTA: I was wrong that said it aloud. Fine. Clarisa, accept my revenge. “I never could trust my life to this insurance agent, it will be only fate of his wife”.

    CLARISA: I agree.

    JOAN: Nell.

    NELL: No!

    AUGUSTA: Yes!

    JOAN: “We want to have a child with Robin.” Two signatures.

    NELL: Two?

    ROBIN: Yes, darling, you are right. (fells asleep)

    AUGUSTA: Joan?

    CLARISA: What is your New Year resolution?

    JOAN: I have a wish.

    NELL: If it’s a wish it’s for all of us.

    AUGUSTA: Which one?

    CLARISA: To find perfect man.

    JOAN: This is always true but also to eat everything and not spend time loosing weight after it.

    NELL: It deserves celebration with chocolate cake.

    ROBIN: Yes, darling, you are right. (fells asleep)

    AUGUSTA: It’s morning, time to wake up Robin and enter to New Year.

    NELL: Robin, wake up.

    ROBIN: Yes, darling. Come here.

    NELL: Not now.

    ROBIN: Yes, darling. Hey, girls.

    AUGUSTA: Good morning.

    NELL: Where are keys?

    ROBIN: I gave it to you. You put them in pocket.

    NELL: Really. In my pocket. You are miracle, Robin.

    AUGUSTA: Why we wrote on Robin about keys?

    CLARISA: All the time keys were with Nell.

    JOAN: He remembered where they are.

    NELL: I told you, girls, you never know all benefits of marriage till try.

    ROBIN: Yes, darling. It was inspiring speech.

    CLARISA: I’ll call the taxi.

    JOAN: You are responsible for most dangerous activity.

    CLARISA: Girls!

    JOAN: What, Clarisa?

    CLARISA: I checked calendar in phone.

    NELL: And?

    CLARISA: Today is morning of 30th of December, not 1st of January.

    JOAN: It couldn’t be.

    NELL: Maybe, you are right.

    ROBIN: Yes, darling, you are right. (fells asleep)

    AUGUSTA: We have two more days.

    CLARISA: To became sober.

    JOAN: To make new list of New Year’s resolutions.

    NELL: We should celebrate it.

    AUGUSTA: Starting now.

    CLARISA: I could propose it.

    JOAN: How it will end this time?

    The end.

    December 2016.

    mail: aksioma@neonet.ua


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