Kateryna Aksonova. You can speak English.


    More about play.

    idea 28.07.2014

    written January 2015.


    Teachers: MARY


    Students: ARTHUR






    Scene 1.

    In front of curtain are MARY and TOM.

    TOM: Do you think it is a good idea?

    MARY: You agreed.

    TOM: Yes, but I didn’t know how it would look like.

    MARY: Open the curtain and you will see.

    Curtain opens.

    Stage is big sitting room with comfortable armchairs. On the back wall big collage “England”.

    TOM: Impressive.

    MARY: I told you.

    TOM: Is it suitable for our aim?

    MARY: Yes. And...

    TOM: I remember, I approved.

    MARY: Do you want to say something?

    TOM: Not, darling. Nothing.

    MARY: I see.

    TOM: A long moment of English silence.

    MARY: I knew it.

    TOM: It’s obviously.

    MARY: You said that I’m a genius.

    TOM: I still think so.

    MARY: Yes. The Bald Soprano.

    TOM: Don’t you agree? A middle-class English interior, with English armchairs.

    MARY: It suppose to be that way. Cosy, like at home.

    TOM: Yes, English home.

    MARY: They are scared with class-rooms. And you know for them it is the last chance.

    TOM: “Last Hope” - you really can speak English. I recall you wish to be part of that organization.

    MARY: Read again my advertisement.

    TOM: For fifth time.

    MARY: Even for tenth.

    TOM: Language school “You can speak English”. You will learn English in comfortable environment. Last chance for those who are afraid to believe.

    MARY: Charming.

    TOM: Doesn’t it sound like religious announcement? Confess and English will come to you.

    MARY: I want to encourage learners.

    TOM: Afraid to believe!

    MARY: Yes.

    TOM: It is a language.

    MARY: You are wrong.

    TOM: And?

    MARY: It is psychology. They need...

    TOM: I know what you require. License of “Last Hope”.

    MARY: You were glad before.

    TOM: I didn’t see all that with English armchairs.

    Mary pulls pillow to Tom. Tom caught it.

    TOM: Pillow, pillow, pillow

    Her hand on her bosom, her head on her knee, sing

    Pillow, pillow, pillow

    the fresh streams ran by her, and murmur her moans. (Shakespeare, Othello). Sorry. Today is not best day for me.

    MARY: Because I open the school.

    TOM: Don’t be stupid. I lost my job.

    MARY: What? And you was quiet.

    TOM: Better I didn’t tell a word. I don’t want to upset you.

    MARY: What will you do now?

    TOM: I was dreaming.

    MARY: Yes?

    TOM: If you don’t mind.

    MARY: And English armchairs are not a problem.

    TOM: We could...

    MARY: You said that you work alone.

    TOM: Did I say that?

    MARY: You did.

    TOM: I have placement.

    MARY: You had work.

    TOM: Yes. I had. You don’t disapprove.

    MARY: Half of money was yours.

    TOM: I was an investor and now...

    MARY: Partner.

    Tom kneels down on one knee. Mary sights.

    TOM: Darling, will you become my...

    MARY: Yes!!!

    TOM: I am glad that you agree to be my teacher-helper.

    MARY: What?!

    Tom stands up.

    TOM: Fine, we could work like a team.

    MARY: But?

    TOM: Do you think we will have as many students that we will need two rooms.

    MARY: No.

    TOM: Fine.

    MARY: I just thought about something else.

    TOM: Find another teacher!

    MARY: Yes. You knew what I wanted.

    TOM: That’s me.

    MARY: I see.

    TOM: Oh, my little ducky daddles, what a little spitfire you are!

    MARY: I’m delighted that they fired you. You make trouble to people.

    TOM: I have a good memory.

    MARY: Could I open big secret to you?

    TOM: Certainly.

    MARY: People don’t like another people who are smarter than they.

    TOM: Rubbish.

    MARY: True.

    TOM: You adore me.

    MARY: What?

    TOM: I’ll convince you that I am wonderful teacher.

    MARY: I don’t believe you.

    TOM: Try me!

    MARY: I know what you will tell them about yourself at first place.

    TOM: Honestly?

    MARY: After the cinema, we went to drink some brandy and milk and than read the newspaper.

    TOM: You have terrific memory.

    MARY: I know that and I agree with your manager.

    TOM: In what?

    MARY: Kindergarten it is not a proper place to learn Ionesco by heart.

    TOM: It was fun. It was English.

    MARY: It was foolish.

    TOM: I have my methods.

    MARY: Remember, it is my school and my rules.

    TOM: Remember, remember. Where from we’ll start?

    MARY: You’ll call yourself Tom.

    TOM: Why Tom?

    MARY: I don’t know.

    TOM: You know my real name.

    MARY: Yes. But it’s not fitting.

    TOM: What for my name is not appropriate?

    MARY: I work in that business for many years.

    TOM: I never heard that you talk like that.

    MARY: I’m professional.

    TOM: Fine.

    MARY: And you’ll be Tom.

    TOM: Tom?

    MARY: Yes.

    TOM: Why on Earth Tom?

    MARY: Because in every English book are examples about Tom.

    Tom burnt his hand when he was cooking the dinner.

    I haven’t seen Tom since Monday.

    Tom is looking for his key.

    Tom isn’t as old as he looks.

    Was Tom at the party when you arrived?

    Tom walked straight into a wall. He can’t have been looking where he was going. (English Grammar in Use. Raymond Murphy).

    TOM: Seriously?

    MARY: You didn’t design that world.

    TOM: Maybe.

    MARY: You need live on that standards. Yes, Tom.

    TOM: Yes. And you will be...

    MARY: Mary.

    TOM: Why? With examples, please.

    MARY: You are a child.

    TOM: Tom was cool. Particularly story about wall.

    MARY: Mary passed me on her bicycle.

    It’s silly of Mary to give up her job when she needs the money.

    Mary likes people to be on time.

    You haven’t seen Mary today, have you?

    Why wasn’t Mary at work yesterday?

    Let’s wait for Mary to arrive and then we’ll have dinner.

    Mary is still writing letters. She’s been writing letters all day. (English Grammar in Use. Raymond Murphy).

    TOM: As for me, yours Mary has more comfortable life than my poor fellow Tom.

    MARY: And one more. Tom’s wife in self-study books very often is Mary.

    TOM: Strange. We even didn’t engage.

    MARY: You guaranteed me to work together.

    TOM: Like you said, Mary. What we will do?

    MARY: Help people.

    TOM: How?

    MARY: They used to this names.

    TOM: I memorized, Tom and Mary.

    MARY: We need to talk to pupils like in books.

    TOM: Do you propose to use a language of the poetry?

    MARY: No. Like in study-books.

    TOM: No. No. No.

    MARY: Yes. Yes.

    TOM: Darling...

    MARY: Mary!

    TOM: Yes. I get it.

    MARY: What day of the week is today, Tom?

    TOM: Look on the phone.

    MARY: I asked you.

    TOM: Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday... We won’t have lessons seven days a week, will we?

    MARY: No.

    TOM: We don’t tell them.

    MARY: What?

    TOM: About Sunday!

    MARY: You’re immature. You need to work, not have good time.

    TOM: I always heard that from you.

    MARY: Do you know what is most difficult in our work?

    TOM: Yes, for us it’s native language and we communicate, not think about grammar.

    MARY: No. First meeting with learners.

    TOM: Why?

    MARY: Because first meeting it’s conversation with veneorologist.

    TOM: Earnestly?

    MARY: Entirely.

    TOM: I know they are different people. Do you really want to know their background so deep? I couldn’t even imagine that from you.

    MARY: It was metaphorical. How in another words I could describe their stories of learning English? What they tried, what they liked, what they preferred, how they suffered. It’s patient’s story.

    TOM: Why venereologist?

    MARY: They wanted to have fun and never thought about consequence.

    TOM: Accidentally affairs for English study. Sounds intriguing.

    MARY: You’ll hear all and you’ll tell me that I was right.

    TOM: You are always right.

    MARY: After first meeting you’ll tell it sincerely.

    TOM: Is it so awful as it sounds?

    MARY: Main problem is accelerated learning of English.

    TOM: What?

    MARY: Learn English as fast as possible.

    TOM: One year?

    MARY: You are losing the grip.

    TOM: Three month?

    MARY: 30 days. But most popular, English in hour.

    TOM: Are you kidding?

    MARY: Everybody wants learn faster and easier.

    TOM: Master your language fast, not properly.

    MARY: Chiefly.

    TOM: There are any pills with English. Drink it and learn it.

    MARY: I know. They also know, if they come to us. Be prepare for everything. We will see our first student now.

    TOM: I worked in kindergarten. My nerves are stainless steel.

    MARY: You believe in that now.

    Scene 2.

    Enters Arthur.

    MARY: Hello. What is your name?

    ARTHUR: Arthur.

    MARY: Nice to meet you. How did you learn English before our course?

    ARTHUR: I love music.

    MARY (whispers): Oh, God.

    TOM: And?

    ARTHUR: I learned English with songs.

    TOM: What’s the problem? Mary!

    MARY: I’ll show you. Arthur, please describe yourself.

    ARTHUR: I am sexy and I know it. (LMFAO)

    TOM: What?

    MARY: It’s beginning. What did you want from life?

    ARTHUR: Like everyone. All you need is love, love. Love is all you need. (The Beatles)

    TOM: Could I try?

    MARY: Of course.

    ARTHUR: Force yourself to your brain. (Scorpions. Crying Days)

    TOM: Fantastic. Do you need English to earn more?

    ARTHUR: All the money you make will never buy back your soul. (Bob Dylan. Masters of War)

    MARY: Tom, do you have fun?

    TOM: One hundred per cent. What do you think about yourself in life?

    ARTHUR: All we are is dust in the wind. (Kansas. Dust in The Wind)

    MARY: We could stop for now.

    TOM: Please, Mary, one more time.

    ARTHUR: Half woman, half child, she drove him wild. (Jimmy Buffett. Cuban Crime of Passion)

    MARY: You came here, Arthur, to improve your way of talking.

    ARTHUR: No matter what you do, you’ll never run away from you. (Paul Reevere and the Raiders, Kicks)

    MARY: We understand it. Yes, Tom.

    TOM: We’ll wait for you on our lessons. We’ll help you in learning English. We’re just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl year after year. (Pink Flowyd, Wish you were here)

    ARTHUR: Bye. Nice chat.

    TOM: Bye. And remember... You’re dangerous cause your honest, you’re dangerous cause you don’t know what you want. (U2, Who’s Gonna Ride Your Wild Horses)

    ARTHUR: I will look forward to our next meeting.

    TOM: Bye.

    Arthur exits.

    Scene 3.

    TOM: It was enthusiastic.

    MARY: You are not teenager.

    TOM: I never thought it could be such pleasure.

    MARY: It could be worse.

    TOM: How?

    MARY: People who learned English with film quotes.

    TOM: I can’t wait for that.

    MARY: Serious.

    TOM: It was entertaining.

    MARY: They are people with broken English.

    TOM: You will fix them. What an experience!

    MARY: Madness.

    TOM: They will know English and will be like everyone else. Now they are unique.

    MARY: Fine. I will find you someone who learned English with films, just look at their answers and you’ll be happy.

    TOM: Thank you, thank you.

    MARY: You really have fun.

    TOM: Why not? If I can’t change life I accept it.

    MARY: I noticed.

    TOM: Who is next now?

    MARY: We’ll see.

    Scene 4.

    Enters Domnica.

    MARY: Hello, nice to meet you.

    DOMNICA: Hello.

    TOM: What is your name?

    DOMNICA: Domnica.

    MARY: And you are from?

    DOMNICA: Romania.

    TOM: Dracula’s land.

    DOMNICA: No, I’m not from Transylvania.

    MARY: Don’t pay attention to him. Why you need English?

    DOMNICA: For my work.

    TOM: You are working in...


    MARY: Fine. Normal track record in English learning, based on internet.

    DOMNICA: My boyfriend, ex-boyfriend.

    TOM: Yes.

    MARY: Now we’ll have a trouble.

    TOM: Why?

    MARY: Sorry, Domnica. What suggested your boyfriend?

    DOMNICA: Ex-boyfriend. He told me that it’s very useful to learn English during reading Shakespeare.

    TOM: Congratulations.

    DOMNICA: To what?

    MARY: That you broke up with him. And?

    DOMNICA: I learned topics.

    TOM: Which themes?

    DOMNICA: Preferably IT.

    MARY: If you don’t mind, few examples.

    DOMNICA: Of course. A processor consists of many different electronic circuits and devices for performing control functions, arithmetic and logic operations, and data transfers. Data may be transferred from backing storage to the internal memory or from the internal memory to the arithmetic unit by means of conductive channels known as buses. (Oxford English for computing. Keith Boeckner. P.Charles Brown)

    TOM: Did you know that, Mary?

    MARY: And something from Shakespeare. Topic was amazing, thank you.

    DOMNICA: Time is

    Too slow for those who Wait,

    Too swift for those who Fear,

    Too long for those who Grieve,

    Too short for those who Rejoice,

    But for those who Love,

    Time is not.

    TOM: It’s Henry Jackson van Dyke.

    DOMNICA: Who?

    MARY: Tom is right.

    DOMNICA: He... he always write it on postcards.

    TOM: You decided right, when left him.

    DOMNICA: I can’t read complete works of Shakespeare. It’s idiotic for IT. I learned only famous quotes. What a piece of work is man! How noble in reason! How infinite in faculty! In forme and moving how express and admirable in action how like an angel in apprehension how like a god the beauty of the world, the paragon of animals. (Hamlet)

    MARY: Here everything is exactly as was written.

    DOMNICA: I know, I started check everything after we broke up.

    TOM: Why?

    MARY: It’s not our business.

    TOM: Sorry. I’m so tactless.

    DOMNICA: Not a problem. He applied for the same job.

    TOM: Monstrous. Good luck, we will wait for you on our lessons.

    MARY: If you don’t mind. One more question.

    DOMNICA: Yes.

    MARY: Did he win this job?

    DOMNICA: No. They chose me.

    MARY: I always believed in highest justice.

    TOM: To mourn a mischief that is past and gone is the next way to draw new mischief on. (Othello)

    MARY: We’ll see you on lessons.

    DOMNICA: Bye.

    Domnica exits.

    Scene 5.

    MARY: Don’t even think about that.

    TOM: About what?

    MARY: She is our student. Future student.

    TOM: I know.

    MARY: You’ll promise me.

    TOM: What?

    MARY: You don’t ask Domnica to have a look at your laptop.

    TOM: I know it’s small problem and if she just glance.

    MARY: You’ll find a paid help. Don’t become vexed.

    TOM: To weep is to make less the depth of grief. (King Henry the Sixth Part III. Shakespeare)

    MARY: Don’t.

    TOM: I’m focused and wait for following...

    MARY: Surprise?

    TOM: Next student with tragic story.

    Scene 6.

    Enters Katja.

    KATJA: Hello. My name is Katja.

    MARY: Hello. I’m Mary, he is Tom.

    KATJA: Where are everybody?

    TOM: First meeting we talk with everyone personally.

    MARY: To know what you need. What is your experience in English learning? What is your motivation?

    KATJA: I have a dream.

    MARY: Perfect. If you want you could tell us.

    KATJA: I want to visit London and standing on Trafalgar Square say: “London is the capital of Great Britain”.

    TOM: Sorry?

    MARY: Nice dream.

    TOM: Why?

    KATJA: Because in every book in school we learned that sentence. Nobody needs that information. It’s useless in conversation with English speaking persons – they already knew that. But all this years we have to repeat that by heart. And I think most suitable place to say this statement is London.

    TOM: Splendid.

    MARY: What else do you remember from school books?

    KATJA: A lot of. But you don’t like it.

    TOM: Why not, we are open minded.

    KATJA: Than a poem.

    MARY: Good.

    KATJA: A, B, C, D, E, F, G,

    John is hiding far from me.

    Looking here, looking there,

    I can’t see him anywhere. (Happy English I, Клементьева, Монк)

    TOM: I hoped it would be about London.

    KATJA: There were varying poems.

    TOM: Can we hear more?

    KATJA: Are you interested?

    MARY: Only as English teachers.

    KATJA: Fine.

    In space there is a galaxy.

    In the galaxy there is a sun.

    Near the sun there is a planet.

    On the planet there is an ocean.

    Near the ocean there is a continent.

    On the continent there is a country.

    In the country there is a city.

    In the city there is a park.

    In the park there is a house.

    In the house there is a bedroom.

    In the bedroom there is a bed.

    And in the bed there is me. (Happy English I, Клементьева, Монк)

    TOM: Did you try to learn English after school?

    KATJA: Of course. At University in which as home reading I chose Dickens.

    TOM: What?

    KATJA: The Posthumous papers of the Pickwick Club.

    TOM: Not bad.

    KATJA: English courses. Different, with new books. I mean Headway was like discovery.

    MARY: I think we could help with your problems in English.

    KATJA: I hope for that.

    TOM: See you in the courses. And...

    KATJA: Yes?

    TOM: If it don’t sound too ridiculous, could you recite few more poems.

    KATJA: If you like.

    MARY: It would be informative.

    KATJA: Good morning!

    Good morning!

    Good morning to you!

    Good morning!

    Good morning!

    I’m glad to see you!


    Red, yellow, pink and white.

    Let’s play ball day and night!

    TOM: Is somewhere is still teach with that?

    KATJA: Perhaps.

    TOM: If you have some old books, could you bring it to me.

    KATJA: One old book I definitely have.

    TOM: It would be fun.

    MARY: Tom!

    TOM: For educational purpose only.

    Katja exits.

    Scene 7.

    MARY: You think it’s normal to ask for old book.

    TOM: Yes.

    MARY: Why?

    TOM: If she wants to learn English after all that stupid poems I think it’s excellent.

    MARY: What you will do with book which she brings you?

    TOM: Read, when you’ll have a bad humour.

    MARY: People worked on textbooks.

    TOM: Not as good as you think, if their pupils are here now.

    MARY: Sad story.

    TOM: You’ll help them to believe in themselves again.

    MARY: And what will you do?

    TOM: I will help you to believe in yourself.

    MARY: Thank you, it was nice.

    TOM: Our next story.

    MARY: Yes. Future student.

    Scene 8.

    Enters Fortunado.

    FORTUNADO: Is here a course “You can speak English”?

    MARY: Yes. Welcome. I’m Mary, this is Tom.

    TOM: Nice to meet you.

    FORTUNADO: Hello. I’m Fortunado. Yours names like in text-book.

    TOM: It happens.

    FORTUNADO: Where is everybody else?

    MARY: First meeting is personal.

    TOM: To know your background.

    FORTUNADO: Didn’t you read my answers to questionnaire?

    MARY: Of course, we read all answers, but personal acknowledge is better.

    FORTUNADO: I worked in medicine. All my knowledge connected with this sphere, in English.

    TOM: Is all so bad?

    FORTUNADO: It creates difficulties during conversation with people. Especially when I ask questions.

    MARY: Why?

    FORTUNADO: Which part of your head is affected? Where does it hurt? Where is it sore? Can you describe the pain? What kind of pain is it? Does lying down help the pain? What effect does food have? (English in Medicine. Eric H. Glendinning. Beverly A.S. Holmstrom)

    TOM: I think you are very popular among women.

    MARY: Tom! Excuse him.

    FORTUNADO: Yes. Popular. They all need consultation.

    TOM: Big problem. (tries not to laughs and caught instead of it)

    FORTUNADO: Have you had any pain in your chest? Have you had any shortness of breath? Have you ever coughed up blood? (English in Medicine. Eric H. Glendinning. Beverly A.S. Holmstrom)

    TOM: Stop, doctor. I just imagined how you speak with woman and tried not to laugh.

    FORTUNADO: Now you see clearly my problem.

    MARY: Completely. Once more, excuse Tom.

    FORTUNADO: Is it his real name?

    MARY: Not. But it’s easy for students.

    FORTUNADO: Fine. Just checked.

    TOM: How did you know?

    FORTUNADO: People love to hear their names.

    MARY: Are you psychologist?

    FORTUNADO: No. Read few books.

    TOM: Why you chose medicine?

    FORTUNADO: There is no short cut, nor “royal road” to the attainment of medical knowledge. John Abernethy.

    MARY: Superb.

    TOM: And were are you working now?

    FORTUNADO: I have enough money for this course.

    TOM: I didn’t want.

    FORTUNADO: See you...

    MARY: First meeting. I meant... lesson will be tomorrow at 11 in the morning.

    FORTUNADO: Acceptable. Bye.

    Fortunado exits.

    Scene 9.

    TOM: I will make silly things every time when I see him.

    MARY: Or answer to questions about your health.

    TOM: I don’t know what is worse.

    MARY: He just that sort of person...

    TOM: To whom you want to tell truth.

    MARY: Yes. And he knew about your name.

    TOM: It’s logical.

    MARY: Why?

    TOM: Because I don’t look like Tom.

    MARY: Who said?

    TOM: I.

    MARY: It’s useless to arguing with you.

    TOM: You needed so much time to understand it.

    MARY: Like I promised, today we’ll have worst variation of English learner.

    TOM: Yours former student.

    MARY: Shut up. Woman, who learned English by films.

    TOM: I waited for that.

    MARY: Enjoy the show.

    Scene 10.

    Enters Irene.

    IRENE: Hello, I’m Irene. Do you really can teach me speak English?

    TOM: You already talk.

    MARY: I’m Mary, he is Tom. What you can tell us about your past in English learning?

    IRENE: The past can hurt. But you can either run from it, or learn from it. (The Lion King)

    MARY: If you don’t mind, be more specific. Just try.

    IRENE: Do, or do not. There is no “try”. (Yoda. The Empire strikes back.)

    TOM: Truly wonderful, the mind of a child is. (Attack of the Clones)

    MARY: This will be a day long remembered. (Battle of Yavin) Would you like to know more about our lessons?

    IRENE: Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn. (Gone with the Wind)

    MARY: Louis, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship. (Casablanca)

    IRENE: Louis? I understood that man’s name is Tom.

    MARY: It’s from Casablanca.

    IRENE: We’ll always have Paris.

    TOM: It would be more interesting that I thought, Mary.

    MARY: What!

    TOM: May the Force be with you. (The Star Wars)

    IRENE: Are you working together?

    MARY: Just thinking about that.

    TOM: It was tempting.

    IRENE: I’m going to make him an offer he can’t refuse. (The Godfather)

    MARY: Not exactly. Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer. (The Godfather II) What are you expectation about our course?

    IRENE: I don’t know exactly. But everything before was horrible. The dead know only one thing: it’s better to be alive. (Full Metal Jacket. Stanley Kubrik)

    TOM: Look. Dave, I can see you’re really upset about this. (2001: A Space Odyssey. Stanley Kubrik)

    IRENE: I’m Irene.

    MARY: I think we acquired a lot about each other for first time.

    TOM: Even more than I wait.

    MARY: Tom!

    IRENE: Yes. It was a lot of trying to learn English and now I see that I have a fear and no money for “Last Hope” courses.

    MARY: We are also trying to became part of “Last Hope” organization.

    IRENE: Really.

    MARY: Yes.

    TOM: And remember till next meeting...

    IRENE: What?

    TOM: Fear is the path to the dark side... fear leads to anger... anger leads to hate... hate leads to suffering. (The Phantom Menace)

    IRENE: Bye. Till tomorrow! I’ll be back.

    MARY: Hasta la vista, baby.

    IRENE: Bye, Tom.

    Irene exits.

    Scene 11.

    MARY: Bye, Tom?

    TOM: She is terrific.

    MARY: How works her brain?

    TOM: Shaken, not stirred. (Bond)

    MARY: Tom.

    TOM: What, Mary?

    MARY: You said you wanted to be around when I made a mistake. (Star Wars)

    TOM: Well done! Now we need to think how to teach English to all of them.

    MARY: It will be harder than I thought.

    TOM: But with success you could write a request to “Last Hope” courses.

    MARY: Hope so.

    Scene 12.

    Enters Obiareus.

    MARY: Don’t be afraid. Come!

    OBIAREUS: My name is Obiareus. I’m from Athens.

    TOM: How is Zeus?

    OBIAREUS: First-class, finished university and now works as accountant. Did you know my brother for long time?

    TOM: Just old-chap.

    MARY: My name is Mary. He is Tom. Please, tell to us what is your background in learning English.

    OBIAREUS: I afraid all the time to make a mistake.

    TOM: We all have sins.

    MARY: Go ahead.

    OBIAREUS: I favour grammar books.

    TOM: It’s boring.

    OBIAREUS: I think they are very compelling.

    MARY: True.

    OBIAREUS: I try to learn essential rules.

    TOM: Language is not only...

    MARY: Tom! I wish you wouldn’t keep interrupting all. Give opportunity to speak someone else.

    TOM: Sorry. I’m quiet.

    OBIAREUS: Now I’m working on pronouns.

    TOM: It must be exiting.

    MARY: Yes.

    OBIAREUS: When deciding between “who” and “whom”, it can be easier if you use the “m” test: Think of how you would retake the sentence with the pronoun he/him or they/them, and if you use a form that ends in “m”, you need “whom”. (When Bad Grammar happens to good people. Ann Batko)

    MARY: Very useful.

    OBIAREUS: I think so.

    TOM: What was your branch of interest before pronouns? If you don’t mind me asking this.

    OBIAREUS: Of course, I don’t mind. It was verbs.

    TOM: Any specific or all verbs.

    MARY: Tom!

    OBIAREUS: I tried not to made mistakes in confused verbs.

    MARY: Can you give us sample.

    OBIAREUS: Quite. Lie and Lay. “Lay” is a transitive verb, meaning to put or place or prepare something – that “something” being the verb’s direct object. “Lie”, on the other hand, is an intransitive verb that takes no object, and it meant to be in a state of reclining. “Lying” is something you do yourself, or something an object is doing for itself – inanimate objects such as books can be said to be in a state of reclining as well as people can. “Laying”, on the other hand, is more action-oriented. (When Bad Grammar happens to good people. Ann Batko)

    TOM: I even remember cover of that book: yellow letters are on green background.

    MARY: Yes. But it doesn’t matter.

    OBIAREUS: Do you know all the books about English grammar?

    TOM: Strive for excellence.

    OBIAREUS: I want to ask you about some of them.

    MARY: Finish. It’s not a personal consultation. You came here hoping that we help you to learn English.

    OBIAREUS: Unquestionable.

    MARY: Than give us that possibility. We will meet you on course tomorrow.

    OBIAREUS: Fine. Sorry. I just ecstatic.

    TOM: About English grammar.

    MARY: We will wait for you.

    OBIAREUS: Bye. Was nice to meet you.

    TOM: Bye.

    Obiareus exits.

    Scene 13.

    MARY: I remember cover of the book.

    TOM: I know. Grammar rules are ridiculous.

    MARY: I was talking about you.

    TOM: Not most important subject in the world.

    MARY: I don’t know how we manage with all they previous life in English.

    TOM: I think you like challenges.

    MARY: Now I have doubts.

    TOM: Are you nervous?

    MARY: Me. Why?

    TOM: Because you talk to all that people and you can imagine what to wait from them.

    MARY: They all had past in language learning.

    TOM: And you think that I need to show them more pity.

    MARY: Why not? They wanted to learn your native language, it’s nothing bad.

    TOM: To have another language is to possess a second soul. Charlemagne.

    MARY: I always believed in something else.

    TOM: What?

    MARY: Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow. Oliver Wendell Holmes.

    TOM: You are romantic person.

    MARY: You liked that in me.

    TOM: Me? No! I like that you never stop no matter how difficult is problem.

    MARY: Thank you.

    TOM: What for?

    MARY: You are here.

    TOM: You remember why I am here.

    MARY: Because you wanted to help me in my dream.

    TOM: No. I wanted to be around when you made a mistake.

    MARY: Stupid.

    TOM: You’re smiling.

    MARY: Not for long. Now will come our students.


    Scene 14.

    Enters Obiareus.

    OBIAREUS: Hello, what a nice day for beginning.

    MARY: Hello.

    TOM: For beginning of what?

    OBIAREUS: Our course, of course.

    TOM: I think you’ll never stop.

    OBIAREUS: What?

    TOM: To improve English.

    OBIAREUS: Yes. How do you know?

    TOM: What you are working on now? More verbs.

    OBIAREUS: Mixing up words that look the same.

    MARY: Very interesting.

    TOM: What is yours today target?

    OBIAREUS: Allusion, delusion and illusion.

    TOM: Useful.

    OBIAREUS: I also think so. One little syllable makes all the difference. “Illusions” are false impressions. “Delusions” are closely related – they are also false impressions – but “delusion” also conveys a sense of being acted upon, as when a person’s delusions of grandeur make her give up her day job. “Allusions” are completely different. They are indirect references to something. (When Bad Grammar happens to good people. Ann Batko)

    Enters Katja.

    KATJA: Hello, sorry, you begin already.

    MARY: Not at all. Just chatting. Katja this is Obiareus. Obiareus, this is Katja.

    OBIAREUS: Nice to meet you.

    KATJA: Nice to meet you, too.

    TOM: Did you find an interesting book for my collection, Katja?

    KATJA: Yes. It’s old school book.

    TOM: I would like to read it.

    KATJA: I suggest to read about The Stogovs. Family, about which we learned a lot of topics. In every book.

    TOM: And?

    KATJA: Read yourself.

    TOM: Mary, if you don’t mind.

    MARY: If Obiareus doesn’t mind?

    OBIAREUS: It will be interesting.

    KATJA: You even don’t know how.

    TOM: The Stogovs’ Summer Holidays. The school year was over and there were no more lessons, but Boris Stogov went to the school very often in June to work on the school plot. He and his schoolmates looked after different vegetables and fruit trees on the plot.

    Lena did not want to stay at home in June. “Some of my friends have gone to a summer camp”, she said, “and I want to go too”. So she went and spent two weeks there. In the morning boys and girls helped on a farm and after dinner they played games and visited interesting placed.
    Then July came and the Stogovs went to the Black Sea. The sun was hot. It shone every day and everybody was in the sea. Nadyusha was very happy because it was her first visit to the seaside.

    When the family came back home, Vera Ivanovna said, “Your parents’ holiday has ended, but you, children, are going to have some more holidays. But they will be a little different from what you have had at the seaside. You’ll go to see your uncle in the country. He works on the farm and you can help him”.

    That’s fine!” said Boris. “I am glad to go to the country”.

    MARY: Oh my God!

    KATJA: Did you like?

    TOM: Astonished. The sun was hot. Marvellous.

    MARY: Lovely.

    Enters Arthur.

    ARTHUR: Hi, everyone.

    MARY: Everybody this is Arthur. Arthur – Katja and Obiareus.

    ARTHUR: Ah, look at all the lonely people. (The Beatles. Eleanor Rigby)

    OBIAREUS: Nice to meet you, too.

    KATJA: Yes.

    ARTHUR: The same.

    Enters Domnica.

    DOMNICA: Hello, sorry I’m late. Killed a virus.

    TOM: Virus.

    DOMNICA: Yes, computer.

    ARTHUR: It’s just an error in program.

    DOMNICA: No. As said Stephen Hawking: I think computer viruses should count as life... I think it says something about human nature that the only form of life we have created so far is purely destructive. We’ve created life in our own image.

    Enters Fortunado.

    FORTUNADO: Sorry to interrupt.

    MARY: I have a headache.

    FORTUNADO: Take this. (gives Mary the pill) This is a safe painkiller, with no harmful side-effects.

    MARY: Thank you.

    TOM: Meet Fortunado, about viruses of computer us told Domnica. Arthur, Katja and Obiareus. I think everyone came.

    Enters Irene.

    IRENE: Sorry. I’m late. I’m Irene. And I’m always late.

    TOM: Well, nobody’s perfect. (Some Like it Hot)

    MARY: I can’t do that.

    TOM: At beginning we have some fun and then start to learn English. Alec's Flat

    I have a friend. His name is Alec. Alec's family isn't very large. He has a father, a mother, and a brother. They have a flat in a new house In Green Street. Alec's flat is Number Twelve.

    Their flat has three rooms and a kitchen. Two of the rooms are large. Alec and his little brother have a room too. The boys' room is small, it has one window. There is a bed and a sofa in their rооm. There is a bookcase with Russian books on the shelves in a corner of the room. There is a desk on the left. It is Alec's desk. There are three chairs in the room.

    DOMNICA: There are more things in Heaven and Earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy. (Shakespeare, Hamlet)

    MARY: Now we begin work.


    MARY: That’s all for today.

    TOM: Bye, bye and have a nice day.

    All students stand up from armchairs and begin to exit.

    OBIAREUS: Homework?


    MARY: No, no. It was just conversation with friends. After that is any homework.

    DOMNICA: Yes, it was relaxing. Like at English home from film.

    IRENE: Which film?

    ARTHUR: Who cares.

    TOM: Bye-bye.

    Students exit.

    Scene 15.

    MARY: I can’t manage with them.

    TOM: It only looks like that.

    MARY: And in reality?

    TOM: Everything is worse. It was your craziest idea since I met you.

    MARY: Yes. But at the start I chose you.

    TOM: Very fun.

    MARY: It could be years.

    TOM: You have weeks.

    MARY: It’s a great pity.

    TOM: Be brave. You’ll win.

    MARY: When?

    TOM: Close your eyes.

    MARY: Don’t be a child.

    TOM: Listen to me.

    MARY: What will happen when I close my eyes?

    TOM: Nothing.

    MARY: Than why?

    TOM: When you open eyes everything will be as miracle. They all will speak perfect English and you’ll be happy.

    MARY: Tom!

    TOM: Please.

    MARY: Fine. I close my eyes.


    TOM: Now you can open them!

    Scene 16.

    Enters Arthur.

    MARY: Was this article helpful for you Arthur?

    ARTHUR: Yes. Mary, thank you. Would it be a problem if I keep it for one more day?

    MARY: Not at all. Have your time, read as long as you need.

    ARTHUR: That’s very kind of you.

    MARY: It’s nothing.

    Enter Fortunado and Katja.

    FORTUNADO: Beautiful day?

    KATJA: We couldn’t ask for a better day than this.

    FORTUNADO: We haven’t had a drop of rain for weeks.

    KATJA: Lovely day.

    FORTUNADO: Are you coming for dinner tomorrow night?

    KATJA: I’d love to. What time is best for you, Fortunato?

    FORTUNADO: Any time around eight. If you don’t mind.

    KATJA: Not at all.

    TOM: Mary!

    MARY: Yes, dear.

    TOM: It is nonsense.

    MARY: Why?

    TOM: What did you do?

    MARY: Politeness, my sweetheart. Is it unusual to you?

    TOM: You know how it looks like.

    MARY: I have no idea. But I think you tell me now.

    TOM: You made them inhuman.

    MARY: Why?

    TOM: What people tell when they sink?

    MARY: Help!

    TOM: And what yours students will say...

    MARY: Help!

    TOM: No! Excuse me. I’m terribly sorry to bother you, but I wonder if you would mind helping me a moment, as long as it’s no trouble, of course?

    MARY: What problem have you with politeness? What advice would you give to them?

    TOM: I know what they need.

    MARY: Tell me. I will listen to you with the greatest respect.

    TOM: I submit a courses of rudeness.

    MARY: If you finished I only have a few minor comments.

    TOM: It’s not normal. They will live in real word.

    MARY: I gave them what I know, everything else they will find by themselves.

    Domnica and Obiareus enter and face in the doorway.

    OBIAREUS: Please, do go first.

    DOMNICA: Oh no, I couldn’t. You were here first.

    OBIAREUS: No, no, I insist, after you.

    DOMNICA: I’m in no rush, really.

    OBIAREUS: I’d never forgive myself.

    Enter both.

    TOM: You see. Are you happy, Mary?

    Enters Irene.

    IRENE: Sorry, I’m late.

    MARY: Never mind.

    ARTHUR: How are you doing today, Irene?

    IRENE: Never better. Thank you. How about you?

    ARTHUR: I’m good. Thanks for asking.

    TOM: Could we just have last lesson? If it won’t be awfully inconvenient for everyone.

    MARY: Of course.

    KATJA: We just talk.

    FORTUNADO: It was wonderful course, if you don’t mind me saying so.

    MARY: That’s very kind of you.

    DOMNICA: It were lovely days.

    TOM: Yes, we never forgive each other. Or forget. Now we will have photo.

    FORTUNADO: Can I stop you there for a moment?

    MARY: Of course. What do you want to tell?

    FORTUNADO: I must apologise for being not honest with you all.

    TOM: Finally.

    FORTUNADO: I know English very well and after my work in medicine I chose another work.

    KATJA: Which one? If you don’t mind my question.

    FORTUNADO: Mystery shopper.

    MARY: And?

    FORTUNADO: Now I work as mystery student in international corporation of English courses “Last Hope”.

    MARY: How did you know that I want to be part of it?

    FORTUNADO: It’s answer for your application.

    MARY: My?

    TOM: In fact it was me who wrote it.

    MARY: Why?

    TOM: I know how it is important for you.

    FORTUNADO: Can I just add something here?

    MARY: Sorry. I’m listening.

    FORTUNADO: And I give positive feedback to your course. So, next week you will have visitors, who give you contract.

    MARY: Thank you for taking the trouble to help me. I do appreciate it.

    FORTUNADO: It’s nothing. It’s my job.

    IRENE: How about a party?

    TOM: I know great place.

    OBIAREUS: It’s fantastic.

    All smile and prepare for general photo.

    Sound of ABC song.


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