‘Grammar Pedantry Syndrome’ and why I will never have one.
З Великоднем! Happy Easter!
Guilty pleasures of addicted to languages.
English after Advanced.
“Born that way.”
English as second language?
Archive. Previous month.
Blog - Writing in progress.(Monday)
I remember, that today is Monday, but I need to make an announcement about my future work.
With play I am now in deep research. I wanted to connect in new play three stories. I invented names of characters and scenes which be suitable for them. I only could left two stories, because characters need more space and I didn’t want to put everything in one play. It is not a file for zip, it’s place for story. Again it will have some influence on reading list, but it’s not such important.
Important is other – I didn’t like what I wrote. I wrote what I wished, but not with energy that I want.
I really tired, I thought that it won’t be noticed on work. I read what I wrote, it’s noticeable.
For now I stop blog “Playwright at work”, and open blog “Writing in progress”. No, I don’t stop to write. It will be weekly, for now, post about what I wrote in previous week.
After thinking about improving English I decided to make a little challenge and write novel. I know, it’s a huge challenge, but I will cheat a little – I will retold story, my novel on Russian with Scandinavian theme. It will be weekly chapters, because to write novel and revise its huge text – it’s too difficult for me. I will make little steps to tell a story.
I don’t promise that will make it from next week, need to make some rearrangement of place on my site.
It will be not like novel, but short story after short story – I will manage it. Yes, I go to story which I like because I need to find my strength and working rhythm, not counting improving of vocabulary.
It’s idea of returning to Hamlet’s story woke up story which wasn’t translated. Here I also should read some texts, now in English. I hope, I will do it, because in love with this stories written in runes since I was 17 years old.
I need to return to plays after some rest, to wrote it powerfully. For me rest is changing of activity. In writing it’s change of genre.
Hope you will understand. All changes in formats of texts I will announce in Blog - Writing in progress.(Monday)
Today is St. Katharina's day, so I could write some fun as celebrating of it.
Fractal patterns, did you hear about this in art therapy method? In one of art blogs I found it and explanation that it could be analysed like psychology or deeper – as aura. Could you previously wrote about it – make warning signal?
I practised this like fun and all this should have a meaning. Can’t be that way? Now I am scary to see my previous pictures – they had meaning. Oops. They choose which colour to add with closed eyes and than add it, with open eyes, to painting.
I just experimented with colours and pencils which used the most weren’t without doubts favourite in colours, but strongest, which didn’t break all the time.
Now I am afraid to play with colours combinations. It has some meaning which shows energies which are on my mind. Thank you for information.
I read about meditation with colour and all this stuff. Now they try to convince me that my drawing show what I feel.
You know, some time ago I read article about drawing in one colour on coloured watercolour paper. I read a lot of articles which colour will be good on photo, made a list, went shopping. Craft paper are in different colours. Watercolour paper was only in yellow colour, they said that. I saw that paper it’s not even a light lemon colour it paper with lemon scent, no more. I didn’t make this project.
I mean that not every decision has internal explanation, sometimes all is in reality. It’s like with fibre pens which I bought. Usual question in shop – for yourself or for gift. No, sense is not in price. If for yourself, you buy for using and you need item which will last longer. For gift you don’t care, I think there is some tradition to not like someone for whom is made gift.
Every mandala also has meaning. I posted which one I made proper, without terrible problems in composition. I am not in Zen tradition to find every meaning. Hope that in art meaning of my story were less spell errors in comparison to my language tradition.
I believe that psychology could help someone, art therapy and everything else. But sometimes people want to find a black cat in black night. I don’t say she didn’t exist, but not always it have to be there.
I had an idea to return to such meditative practice – it really helps to calm down. What to do now? Keep it private?
One more - what we do, not always comfortable and usual to us. Maybe you didn’t notice but I am shy and introvert person. Journalism is far away from it, but I wanted to write and I wanted to write more than stay shy in the silent shadow. I wanted to write and I add a blog, because it shows from where are roots of my work. Before daily writing ideas came from nowhere and without warning on-line were born my new texts. I choose this as proper form to my work.
We all put masks and this fractal pattern could be one of them, because person knows that it will be judged, we all are different when on public. We are real at five o’clock in the morning with not brushed hair, but this image not for everyone. I think it’s nearest to our soul, comparing with everything else.
I read more about this analyse, people pay money for it. To understand what they feel. We all know what we want, what we feel, but lot of reasons will stop us to open it out loud. Maybe they hope that art therapy will find in them something which will be easy to realise. Like in that saying “if it will be easy, everyone will do it.”
All not native speakers of English taught by same scheme – English as second language. Language after your native. In some examples, it could be true, but not in every.
Language learning never see as important different background of people which came to learning languages. Of course, it will be too difficult to have individual study books, programs for improving skills.
In my case English first came into my life in age of 7 years. It was advertisement of courses for kids. There were few interested at the end left only me and my neighbour. Later we also stopped, it was total failure.
Problems with second language? Can’t be true. Problem was in studying, lectures where we tried to repeat how properly said “the”, which was examined by person which saw England only in pictures at study books. It was before internet and all possible resources.
Was it traumatising to learn different language, not native? For God sake, no. For me English was fifth language and only it became failure. Main question why? Because it wasn’t comfortable, scary and taught that is difficult and impossible.
Russian, Ukrainian, Polish languages were daily on TV and radio. They were usual languages. After that for me was Belarus language. Did I learned one of them? No, properly. But listened to fairy tales and watched cartoons. No one daily told me that was awfully difficult. And I didn’t learn to read at that time.
When in University I choose Polish, because it was easy, I also at beginning had problems. I couldn’t understand nothing written or repeat what should be. I was terribly scared about mistakes which could make in conjugations. Was real problem that exam will be disaster for me. Among mother’s friend was found woman with Polish origin, who introduced me to teacher of Polish school. She at first figured out what I knew and started with children’s books. In reality wasn’t such terrible and since that time I haven’t problems with Polish.
Why I couldn’t show my knowledge in languages? I believe there is one reason. I didn’t read text, I should answer in nouns and verbs and it totally destroyed flow and understanding of language.
When using chunks of language in conversation I never think that I will use noun with verb and than add collocation with phrasal verb to add.
Problem is not in number of language, second or tenth. Problem that dissection of language could stay for years in our mind, and endless courses and books are proves that it’s most difficult make from that dissected parts some alive tool.
My work with English I see like attempt to teach Frankenstein gracefully read poetry. More stylishly should be name this phase as caterpillar in chrysalis, with hope for butterfly with beautiful wings. But in learning language it never could be done easy.
I am not pessimist. After advanced I think is proper time to refuse theory “English as foreign (second) language”. After advanced I think it’s time to meet the language not from studying. And start to read what read natives, books “How to sound smart” or “Clever words for everyday conversations” (I used most frequently ideas for such sort of books) were written for natives. It’s pleasure, that they also could have problems with vocabulary.
I try to change my reading lists from articles about Present Perfect to normal usage of language. Like example, read letters which wrote writers and which could be found in internet. To see English as language for daily communication, not like subject of science. To forget that it’s unusual activity, to make it closer to life. To make English as real second language (fine, third at which I write fluently). Language which could be used in daily life. Make it less monstrous is much difficult target.
I rename file with previous play with pdf, hope now won't be problems to see it.
Play Plein air. pdf
New play for kids I announced in previous Tuesday. I upload it now.
I wish. pdf
What took my time? Making a forest.
Truth is that little projects need the same amount of work as big project.
Here I thought how to make trees that they won’t fell. When I solved this problem, play was ready and I needed just to put my actors on stage.
No one can blame me for perfectionism, but in each project I have detail without which couldn’t move forward. This detail is necessary only for me, but it helps to complete what was on my mind.
Yesterday I whole day spend with vocabulary. Finished book and circled unknown words, usual ritual.
I like to return to same characters, my lovely kids in play.
I like to return to themes, which are important to me. I don’t remember if I mentioned before, but one of the themes of 60th play (today I uploaded 61) will be Hamlet. I can’t walk away from that theme and don’t want, to be honest.
I return to Hamlet, like people yearly run marathon. For me this story is 42.195 kilometres (26.219 miles) and I need it to check myself – what changed. Am I better in time now or worse. It’s just workout for my mind. I all the time have new ideas for this story. This time I want to write with humour about my obsession.
Like always I should to think how illustrate it, because technical part is also made by me. I with pleasure will see sketches of others and see how they solved visual part, played. But this is like making crossword, at first you should to make it yourself. I am not fan of crosswords, but it’s game where author needs preparation.
To my forest of plays I all the time add new trees. But with wish I need to make a huge amount of research and lot of work.
Yesterday I read most inspiring quote about writing process, it can’t be say better. “It’s none of their business that you have to learn to write. Let them think you were born that way. Ernest Hemingway.”
It will be perfect, you just do something, because you born that way. Not everything should be shown, not because it’s not worthy or wasn’t painful. It just not necessary.
After week dedicated to organize remove from the register grandfather’s documents and receive all necessary documents after it, I wanted to write about all bureaucracy, standing in queues, receiving papers which you need few times give from one organization to other. It’s unpleasant experience, which I could describe colourful and with examples.
It’s not the level “Anderson, don't talk out loud. You lower the IQ of the entire street”. It’s level “What is IQ?” It lost or was never present in system. All people like in fantasy horror waits when clerk will change or not their destiny, by doing or not work like should.
In reality it’s no one business how you fight when it’s not connecting with creativity. You are a writer, you are King or Queen of your world and no one will see your to do list which is near your crown.
Inspiration, what about this sweet word? “Amateurs sit and wait for inspiration, the rest of us just get up and go to work. Stephen King.”
Inspiration is hard work based on deep researches and inventive mind. Now I research for few different projects. Just all the time find ideas which will be helpful in other projects. It’s usual on every research project. I read about theatre and download reference pictures for cosy spaceships, it’s my solution against writer’s block.
All that week, which started from weekend when were problems with web-site and later I couldn’t reach my e-mail, as result lot of spam. And all that walking from one government organization to other I could describe as this joke “Angry ... I did not stand on the right foot ... I did not sit on right broom ... I also flew in the wrong direction ...” (Original, before translation: Злая... Не с той ноги встала... Не на ту метлу села... Еще и полетела не в ту сторону...)
I have a habit to put off mask, because when create, you need breathe free. Sometimes it makes me more vulnerable or weak, inconsistent. Like everyone I want to be professional and close that I am human.
I like endless deep conversations, but it’s not public activity and when I write I sometimes forget about that. If you are not free in writing, why write at all? But I read a lot of advice for writers, mainly it’s about craft. Craft is what united us. Personal story make from craft uniqueness. And here we all “were born that way.”
Why write about learning English. Because I need this. I still deep in the theme of learning English.
What was point which inspired me? I made on-line test. Many of them are usual for everyone who learned or study English. 50 questions which in the end will tell you where you are on ladder of learning English.
It was my result. Advanced. After years of intermediate and rarely upper-intermediate, I receive advanced.
It’s impossible. Don’t think that tests are complimentary, they are for language schools and language schools need students with less knowledge.
I receive what I need – advanced level, not certificate, but just proves that my self-study gave results.
I remember that next level is proficiency or at least advanced without even few mistakes on tests, but here is the end of ladder about which I dreamed since 1997 year when first time came to proper courses of English. Long journey, never it was step after step. To be true, real work began after I started use language daily at creative work, writing plays.
Now are main questions... What to do after Advanced level? How to learn English or improve it? Or to be happy that achieved unreachable goal. Mistakes are not crucial, I will make them everywhere it had nothing common with level of language acquisition.
What happens with learning language after Advanced? How to reach Proficiency level and improve your abilities? This questions are now crucial for me and I will try to find answers. Where? In literature about language learning, linguistic and of course I want to see in retrospective how helpful or not were my previous study books.
Why all this fuss? Because after answering correctly questions I searched by which rule it could be explain.
I want to reread my grammar books, not only use them like references and find were I reach feeling of “that construction can’t be used”.
Yes, few years ago I wanted to receive second education – of course it should be English language. Because of finance problems I didn’t manage it. Even didn’t try. Instead I worked with English daily. Now on-line are lots of academic journals, maybe, by self-study I will found ways to draw map how to live with English after Advanced. It’s not in my character to stop, I need to have next target.
Today I upload new play. Not because it’s perfect, because now I finished work with it.
This time I tried format of pdf, compressed it on-line how was possible. Lot of sketches. I didn’t solve problem with enough size on site, so experiments all the time. Text became very long. Maybe it will be better to have different files for each part. What done is done already.
You know like in all movies on the middle of the room enters person and say something like that. “Hello my name is, I am addicted, like to drink or something else”. In that time everyone are applauds to his or her bravery.
Now it’s time for me make such confession. “Hi, my name is Kate and I addicted to language learning. No matter how difficult for me are phrasal verbs or if sentences I like it. When I found some self-study book on my shelf I start to search more about this language and checked what else I didn’t have in bookmark. My grammar mistakes can’t stop me from this addiction. I even happy when circle next new world in the dictionary.”
Even when I spend few hours daily to edit all pictures which I put in play I listened lectures about learning and teaching English, I know, it’s unhealthy, but I don’t find it boring.
Italian woke up my bad habit and in next play will be other language. I have more longer plan for plays which will be after that play.
Like I promised next play for adults will be 60th, about actor, playwright and director. Not only about them, I want to unite three ideas and it will take more time than I thought.
I made document which already had 69 kilobits for 60th play. I started it. Everyone remember, that I talk about 60th play. Now will return to 59th. I change my mind and didn’t make dolls in costumes. I draw more sketches. What is the problem – I didn’t use properly one of the backdrops. I worked on it for few hours.
I don’t like to just put it away. I invented story for kids where it will be in place, but remember, no matter when I upload kids play it will be on count after play which I started about actor. Deal?
If this is clear, I will be back to languages. I put in text Italian to add flavour of Italy, tried to use simple sentences. I know it’s dangerous for writers, but it’s such guilty pleasure to add other language. I am ready that for Italian’s speaking people it will be lot of fun, I know what I do. I have the same experience as spectator. Ukrainian is not frequently used in films, such a pity, but Russian, it’s other story. For years it’s lot of fun listen how people try to sound like Russian.
Best is when you see how painful is for actor repeat easiest sentences. Meaning of this sentences it’s always good for later tasting, some moment watch again and again. Because story and previous experience of character can’t bring him (usually, rare her) to such point in life when this hero could end with such sentence.
In my English are lot of mistakes, I know I just storyteller. For me English is language not of countries, now it’s language of the world. World in general wants peace, love, respect, and other basic human wishes. I will experiment and search words, because I always be hungry for new knowledges. I am endlessly happy that in my life I have now art, no matter about it quality, it’s also language and I love languages.
My story is about workshop at plein air. Be patient, final document is 163 pages.
Play Plein air. pdf
In text I put 97 pictures and added to them my sketches with Tuscany mood. Total 105 pictures, if I count properly.
And one more. To work like that it’s too much pressure, I will try to write next text slowly. Result of it I return to post three days in a week: Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. I will see if it will work for me with new project.
How to know that your on-line presence touched real international level? Check your e-mail. Yesterday I receive such message “Dear Driver, This is the automatically submitted information circular of the Parking Service. Road cameras have detected the of your automobile. Due to that, you will have to pay the corresponding fine…” And details how to and were to pay this. It’s already international level of fraud.
Before that were different ideas from Ukrainian and Russian sites, but our prefer to announce that “You won” something just send some money to complete request. Money for envelope in which you will receive documents for new flat or car. They have money to flat, but money ended when they needed other envelope. Mind they lost during inventing this fraud advertisement.
It was kind from them to think that I could have car which now is live it’s own life in USA. What other could be if I can’t drive, of course, it can’t be parked properly.
Something suggest me that all free books on writer’s sites and their private libraries, all with access with your e-mail, in reality sell their data base to someone else.
Everyone knows that but we just make everything to receive some discount. In our big shopping centers is different politics. In beads shop they have discount on your mobile number. At the end of the month I received announces about discounts from all shops which are situated on that floor in same supermarket and any from second floor, they aren’t friends.
Cybersecurity is best in our country – we haven’t money for such sites, were attempts to show statistics and regions, but our segment is such poor, that they stopped this. I don’t want to imply system which shows flags of other countries, it’s a little bit childish. I want to have more readers, not scarying them that I search and count them like some achievement.
Achievement will begin when this texts will be on stage. Now it’s free samples to taste.
In other news, few days ago was trailer of Thor:Ragnarok. I saw it more than five times. Than I stopped and found on-line Led Zeppelin “Immigrant Song”. I fall in love with this song, even now I am listening to it.
“We come from the land of the ice and snow,
From the midnight sun where the hot springs flow.
...So now you'd better stop and rebuild all your ruins.
For peace and trust can win the day despite of all your losing.”
What I learned from trailer – Hela is not daughter of the Loki, I presume. (By the way Cate Blanchett had amazing consumes in Cindirella.) I liked positive of Thor.
Of course, my interest to this “land of the ice and snow” is never ending. I wrote on Ukranian play “Інгегерда” (Ingegerd Olofsdotter of Sweden, was a Swedish princess and a Grand Princess of Kiev.) Have fantasy in five parts on Russian and in next play want to use other Scandinavian language. Use language of the country helps me to better taste story. Advice not for everyone, but I like it.
I know, that need more time to improve my English, this process is endless, so I could have fun with other languages also.
I still work on play about artists, already started to work with pictures, I have hope that finish it in some future time.
Before post: After watching all news I ask myself – when world went crazy and why there wasn’t warning sights about it.
Now is time for next post.
Have you heard about bibleotherapy? I found it when searching something, it was article in New Yorker about benefits of reading. I never heard about it.
In school and at University were reading lists. Even in English learning are reading lists, with level of text which is possible for you. And here is like with doctor – you say what bothers you and you will have book prescription. Amazing. I need something against depression of English spelling and improving my vocabulary acquisition.
Books in my life always came without control. Read this, read that, box with books for amazing price, second hand books on weight. Not normal, usually it’s mental junk food which could bring to obesity with stupidity. Why? Who will refuse good book and put it in second hand store? Understanding of it much came later.
Even now, as a writer I haven’t proper reading list. I notice name of book – read explanation online, few quotes which are possible. Quotes is my free sample of book. With contemporary writers it’s impossible to find.
With choosing films is different story. There are advice from trusted people which TV serial to watch next, I now started new serial. Also at some sites is such option “film is watching now”. If I am interested I watch trailer and then choose a film. It could be anything for movie evening.
On weekend it was “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo” 2011. I can’t understand how I missed film which was connected someway with journalistic. I heard about that book, but it slip my attention. Story is horrible, with excellent actors work - breathtaking, not for entertainment, but sometimes were good jokes what is necessary for thriller. It’s unusual, but I watch till the end, no matter that figure out who is killer, I need to know how story ended, had idea, but wanted to check. I liked ending of the film, because it is honest and didn’t spoil whole story. I didn’t read the book, not with mine wild imagination.
Serial killers it’s not my story for mystery, I spend a lot of time creating character which should be victim. And I try very hard that no one will miss this character. I don’t understand how writers with details picture this horrible things. Did they like it? I watch films closing eyes with hand. How I could write what can’t read again and again? Revision and checking details it could be even more difficult. Not my story. I even can’t add enough cruelty in describing details of story.
Some films I choose with motivation “why?” Yesterday in some mail about writing was like example film “Cowboys & Aliens” (2011). Like example how you never should unite genres and aspiring writers never should do it. I watch at first a trailer and yesterday whole film. Now I am deep in thought if author thinks when on screen Harrison Ford is on the horse in Wild West it’s wrong, maybe I should unsucrsribe from that mailing list. Person could have other wrong perception of life and listen to such advices could be dangerous. Cowboys all the time had battle with everything, this time it were aliens. Film is still good, better to unsubscribe.
When I felt luck of motivation or had tiredness to invent something as costumes, I watch cartoons. Not only because it fun, but for inspiration. Every character was created from nothing to move, made gestures and be part of story. After it I have a lot of energy to draw few costumes or some interior. It’s easy work comparing with cartooning, even now when there is computer programs to help. People steel invent every character.
Totally I had 62 sketches for this play. This part of work is finished.
Usually when I am not writing or revising my mystery stories I watch made by others or read them. It’s never ending process. With actions films I all the time think how it could be possible to put some action stage, so I start to add misunderstandings, tension and all this stuff which posibly could work for story. In novel I described fight scenes. In playwrighting I can’t put “And they start to fight”. For me it’s difficult, because I need to write dialogue which will be equal to fight or scene which in movie will need on whole screen eyes of actor or actress.
I don’t make wish lists of books which I want to read. I know it will change with time. What is interesting now, will change it value. Maybe there is some book to solve this…
Of course I have books which I read again and again to clear head from lot of troubles. Sometimes they bring different ideas. I always give a chance to every idea, left possibility that it could be really done. But for this I need opportunity to try and see what could be done. Before that it’s just random thoughts in my mind. About other ideas I will tell later, when start work on next play. It will have connection with other language to add. In comparison with Italian it will be choice which needs main character.
Reading a lot about writing adds new ideas, but all this after that revision. Why I wrote such long text with such amount of mistakes? Good that I know best books to this illness – pile of vocabularies.
Again, when I revise – I write a lot. There is no solution, I live in words.
Reading different sites is my mind fuel. I need to know what is going on not in my head. I learned about ‘Grammar Pedantry Syndrome’, it’s wish to correct every grammar mistake in the text. I will never have one, it’s clear after every revision which I made. I didn’t notice mistakes which are crying to be notice. He and she I change for characters all the time, names and you with yours.
Revision for me it’s some kind of indulging rituals which couldn’t help to get rid from previous sins-errors but helps when you think that did something with it.
Surprisingly – when I took quiz in Telegraph it was 8 from 10 right answers. Maybe daily involving in improving English language use gave some results or questions were easy. But they wrote – congratulations, so it’s good sign.
But I write not for correct grammar. First of all I write for myself. “Writing, to me, is simply thinking through my fingers. Isaac Asimov.” I think it’s really true for me. When I want to figure out something, I write. I find out answers during creating text. At other time I spend time on research.
Now I think how to unite for next play few stories. Hope it will be good solutions for all that boxes of ideas. If I learn how to unite them I could in future projects marry quantity of ideas with proper size of the text.
Like with grammar, I can’t became proper artist in one day. I liked idea how to fake that I could draw, using all experience of you-tube inspired fashion designers.
Than after long revise – I asked myself – why I should pretend. And I made this.
Lot of copy and paste, but I found, changed and printed croquets which I want for this story. I want to have more than one costume and I did this. Drawing above lines, because what I need are colours, forms – not showing that I could draw. I already made 28 sketches. I think it’s best solutions, because my dolls are the same and won’t be difference who is who.
107 scenes are in my play. I counted when thought, after first revision, it’s endless.
Big text is long run to write, but when I had to put all changes before next revision – endless size.
Yesterday I gave myself rest from text. With this speed I revise one part of text in the day. Beautiful times was when I revised one text two times in day. It’s huge.
Now I am not such optimistic or inspired. I count locations. Lot of work to do. Interiors will be creative, so it will be fun to make them. And I still didn’t solve how to decorate wine testing in play. From what make bottles – I don’t think that with beer will be easy.
In this play I have a lot to do, not counting revision. But mind already is deep in next play. I already searched for more papers, now think how unite few different stories in one, instead of separate stories. I want make something big and colourful like snowman from my text “Snowmen united”.
I have appetite for really big, impressive in size texts. I like that writing became slowly. I have time to understand every characters in play and add back stories. Without past person is not real, the same is true to characters.
107 scenes, good, even a little proud, but a lot of mistakes. For now for me is difficult to unite story’s next step creating with using rules of English spelling. It’s two different process. Like emotions and rationalization. Because of this I change such frequently next project. At first I have idea, wish and after that I think how to accomplish that. And result could be unexpected but with own logic which will gave chance to do what I want with knowledge which I gathered.
And what all the time bothers me – how writers manage with different names for characters. I struggle with different first letters with 24 characters. Good, that I have in this text opportunity to use Italian names it helps to be creative.
P.S.: When news will be without announcing new deaths? When tragedies will left only for fiction usage?
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