In progress


blog by Kate Aksonova.


    How about that idea?
    Merely players.
    When miracle doesn’t happened.
    Next step.
    Additional questions.
    Previous ideas.
    Between series.
    Checking idea.
    Spell for connection.
    Free writing.



      I was thinking about necessity to write daily posts. I know my benefit – practice, practice and practice in English. Good idea, but why my results should be such public.

      Now I put myself on strict language diet. Only English as foreign language and nothing more. I refused even mark words in French and Latin’s vocabularies. (Even with that attention to roots I miss Greek language, because haven’t dictionary. So I still ignore something.) Also no Polish.

      Only English, the more English the better. Because of my interest to movie making, now I read mainly in US English and here I feel terrible lack of knowledge of idioms, not to mention slang. I already met this problem in excerpts of free contemporary novels.

      Why such way? I didn’t like result, when made script of mute movie. It’s consequences of my failure in attempt to write a novel. It was painful experience, but story without dialogues is too much for playwright. I should find out how to solve this problem. First idea is to spend more time at expanding English vocabulary. Even more reading.

      My problem that I compare myself to myself, what I know that I could do in native languages. In recent situation create and most important publish on this languages will bring complication. To use Russian as the same as choose in creative life harakiri. On Ukrainian I also can’t write that I disagree with something in our country – result the same as in previous sentence. So I choose English as language of some kind or freedom or language which whole world struggle to learn for some level.

      I think it’s not such necessary to write daily. I think better to write about something what is interesting. It’s like news, I read mainly headlines, few articles. I deleted lot of blogs and sites which I used to read. In social media only Pinterest. Daily life of writers resembles each other with struggles with plot and varies only if writing person has a pet, such photos make all stories cute.

      Not every project could be done in one day or you should write about it daily.

      I am proud of my storyboard, but I know that I should work there with composition and level of drawing. It’s just few steps in that direction.

      I was excited, because I manage to catch plot of whole story. I will make few days not connected with this project to have possibility see it anew and add to list what else I could remade there. As huge wish – dialogues…

      In short: I will try to write posts as rare as possible – once or few times a week. I am working all the time, so hope to write about finished results or stages of projects which are newsworthy.


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      I didn’t plan to write today, my father’s birthday.

      I just want to boast about results in my project from previous week.

      I remember it spoils surprise of story. Just I have no idea how to make next step, so it’s just working materials for people who are interested.

      Notes 21.04.2018.pdf


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      Free writing.


      Most difficult it’s not to write all the time about project which you create. All ideas, all thoughts are about this and most questions with researches also. If tell this drop by drop you lost some kind of surprise of your completed work, not short journey from now. There’s a normal wish to tell, but sometimes it looks as too much excitement for not finished project. (I am ready for constructive critics or wise advices about improvement.)

      Now it’s almost evening of Friday, so writing could be not work connected.

      I could write about weather. Everything finally green and warm enough to blossom, only cold air reminds that still is early spring.

      About my idea with another language now it is not possible. I am too busy improving English. I believed that it will help to know French, because of frequency of French roots in English. I made a test, my level of French stays the same – A2, not helpful a lot for this. So probably I more time will spend to activate my passive knowledges. It’s like workout, you can’t make it once and receive result. Only daily attempts will bring you constant feeling of tiredness.

      I managed to write post not about writing, it’s good result.


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      It could looks like I jump from one idea from other all the time. In reality above each my jump to nowhere exists long time of thinking and years of preparations.

      I could describe myself like collector of my dreams. I always have few big and enormous plans on my mind, they are like constellations which could be seen for me in the dark and not cloudy night. They are my constellation, so this ideas are not for everyone. It also could be named crazy professor's laboratory, but without plan to world domination.


      Almost. Nothing common with me, I haven’t such helpful companion. And I am aware that such kinds of plans should be destroyed with good superhero's powers.

      So return to my work. I collect not only dreams, I buy materials or possible helpful manuals.

      For years I collect and tried to finish at least few of my study books on English. Now I write on English blogs and fiction. It was useful collection. I know, I am stubborn or you could name it “person who know what wishes”.

      Also I thought about drawing and for film making. I adore theatre, I will pleasure made illustrations for my plays, but I also want what I want. And to make this wishes quieter I searched and bought books which are “if only I will be brave enough and start doing this myself” kind of reference library.




      Book in English and book in Polish, both are equally suitable for me.

      I found what I could and believe in endless power of on-line tutorials with which you could just draw something what hasn’t connection with your story:



      Just draw for fun or unusual ideas which are on your mind:


      Level of my sketching give me chance to have enough time to think if it’s really sane idea put on-line whole script and storyboard even for short film.

      Atention! Spoilers:


      And I am thinking also about colour sketching, so lot of work ahead. I just experiment or search for new road. No matter that all the time invent new ideas for plays or how to improve my not published stories.


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      I know it’s not interesting, but I need to add few more words about refusing to write a novel. When I researched for this genre I became totally overwhelmed. It all should be such important. And in few drafts which I made for different projects I found terrible pattern – I lost humor in stories. In other words I started to lose myself, because I am with jokes in any circumstances.

      Probably it was such weight of length of story or responsibility because it’s foreign language and I even can’t write cozy mystery for 400 pages because I still improving my English. I have no idea. (Still have a wish to add knowledge of one more foreign language, for now I am not sure which one. Like bilingual it’s habit in switching languages, so I think that need it for balance.)

      For every writing person Novel it’s some kind of must have, you know like exam on Real Writer. I didn’t say that whole idea with novel writing was such murky. As part of research for one of the story I allowed myself for hours read about fragrances, my addiction since I was born. Even this guilty pleasure didn’t give me enough motivation to novel. Write about fragrances it’s like read about food – senseless, you should try it.

      Book or novel is proper achievement, it should be aim. I tried and few handwritten notebooks are my prove that I have idea for long stories. Probably I want at first something else. Not everyone since toddler’s time wants to be playwright, it’s not common child wish, hope so. Making movies or playing in making movies is part of that not usual dreams.

      In one of the articles about art I read that when you like some kind of painting you also have this skills in you. Inspiring idea or resonating and subconscious knowledge.

      About my drawing attempts, I know they are awful and terrible, but I like spend time with that activity. Probably I have some potential, as article promised. Here I didn’t feel pressure, even when compare my work with results of others. Drawing was something which I always counted as superpower. To be exact I didn’t believe in superpower of painters, it helps me to not be afraid and use brush and pencils. I believed only in superpower of one kind of wizards who could draw – animators, people who make cartoons alive. My attempts of storyboards are not realized wish to be such kind of magician.

      Script is also difficult for me in form and language, but this is also not common novel challenge and for me easy have as aim something that I believe I could accomplish.

      I remember that I was against my romance writing, I even have play about it. My story is based on idea that I could write romance as I see it and from that was clear that it should be comedy.


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      New text in Notebook of future projects:

      Notes 17.04.2018.pdf


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      New photo on index with recent haircut.



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      Spell for connection.


      Ideas for witchcraft like last possibility to improve level of my internet connection came to my mind most frequently than I want to admit it. There are times when I during day wait for 30 minutes at which it will work normal, I don’t ask perfect. Just on the level that I could see photo on my index.

      In our country there is endless conflict (already for four years), so connection of internet or life improvement are not top priorities. But also exist gossip-explanation that such problems have users which spend too much time not on domestic sites, that’s me by the way.

      I really try to do my best and all I can, but when every day starts with battles to check internet, it became really depressing. To watch any kind of video on-line, which is crucial as examples for movie shots, should be strong internet connection. Not everything could be explained in text’s format. Good that storyboards in general are some kind of stop motion, so here is possible further search for references.

      My ambitions not always equal for my possibilities or knowledges. Like I find out two days ago that for put image in instagram, you should have smartphone, as for person who daily checks on computer there new pictures of drawing it was new information. And new border if I was crazy enough and thought about have own presence in social media. Maybe our country should stops to pretend that we are possible part of EU and we will behave on the level of other not successful economically countries, it will be honest for everyone.


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      Checking idea.


      I wrote about this few times, but most difficult is to write about process of thinking. When I checking idea it’s some kind of experiment, I know what I want, but had no idea what will have as result.

      For new story I have plot and as I thought idea of opening image, but I felt it was wrong. And suddenly I saw one episode on street and I get what I need at the beginning. I remember that my drawing skills are terrible, but I started to search for inspiration and references, because I know what I am looking for.

      Script or movie writing is different kind of story, you really should think in images.

      I remember that it should be script, but for now I collect parts of puzzle. I am not such scary of formating text, I am a little bit worried about too long lines. Soliloquies on screen sometimes could be boring.

      I am excited about new idea and new medium to show it, but I am not hurry in process of learning. I find new questions (the more questions, the better) and new answers, for this also should be time.


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      New text in Notebook of future projects:

      Notes 11.04.2018.pdf


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      Between series.


      I read another inspiring article for artist. I really should stop to read all writers blogs – they only write about reasons why the don’t write. Like read myself, it’s not interesting.

      There were written that artist create in series, you know all that blue period, black and white and red with orange shadows. It’s not new information for me, but sometimes you see the same knowledge in different light.

      Sense of this article was that also exist time between series, when it looks like you do nothing, but in reality you change the series. It would be amazing if this will be possible in writing life. It’s what I feel. I wrote that I still am interested in theater, but I was thinking to write mysteries with that taste. Maybe I just want to change genre, like series. Not drawing all the time landscapes and try flowers or human faces.

      There are themes which are less attractive to me with their frequency. It could be noticed that usually I write kid’s play in December, because holidays gave more possibilities to invent short story. In other time I didn’t find reason to write it. All dolls I could use in adult’s stories, I already invented how.

      The same is with plays. I experimented a lot with them and sometimes I just want to write something else. Different genre. And in this time when you change and think that you want to try your craft in other way, all writers try to explain that they are not lazy. Thinking is difficult to count activity. You can’t boast that think about this story for five hours and later it became something else.

      In this time between series again came idea with movies. But I will try at first with short scripts to try it taste. Of course, it will need more research and reading. With other writing I also have one idea, or connection of two of them, but for now I am not sure how to show it, in which form it will be readable.


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      Світлий Понеділок (поливаний).

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      В Е Л И К Д Е Н Ь !!!


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      Велика Субота


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      Previous ideas.


      Rainy day of promised “whole week sunny”. I named such way today’s post, because I still try to figure out my previous ideas.

      Sometimes it’s really just dust – I forgot to throw away notes for already written text. Usually there are stories which I didn’t write for one reason or other.

      Guilty, I had times when I believed only in inspiration and didn’t see writing as daily job. It’s not dark secrets, it’s just forgotten manuscripts everywhere. And they also has one strange effect – when I start to read my old stories I simultaneously invent new not connected with them story. I think it has some kind of creative explanation, should have.

      For everything in life I think there is some clear and simple explanation. Maybe it’s reason why for me such difficult to write magic connected stories. I made them real and logical. Of course time to time I want to write book of spells with necessary spells of knowing English spelling and how to forget about chocolate existence after workout. My all witches are consistent in using brain power even when they made some kind of impossible things.

      I was always angry at myself that couldn’t made endlessly complicated plots with different intrigues and lot of gossips which could make every story longer. I accept presence of gossips as moving fuel of all soap-operas, but I believe it’s difficult to lie about one person to another. Gossiper usually doesn’t think that this two person could meet and discuss this problem, ask direct questions, my experience. Lie is mosts easiest to win, it’s vulnerable from the start. So I think it’s weak strategy, because of it when I add not real clues in mysteries during rewriting I delete them as obvious for people with grain of mind.

      When I reread my texts ideas I have some kind of shiny addiction regression. I like all of that sparking objects. I want to draw all storyboards, I remember that my drawing still terrible. I love all my ideas and because this suggestion to prioritize one project over other looks cruel to me. But on the other hand if I liked this idea in the past, why I should refuse to realize this now.

      In creative life if it’s not your first story, you never begin from scratch. You always add experience of your previous ideas and projects and from that build new shiny castle on the sand. I time to time want to have new beginning in new genre with attempt to show that I still could do something unpredictable. Problem is to find genre which I like and didn’t have not finished drafts in it. But I will keep searching, because I need something to switch to and refuel my writing abilities.


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      Additional questions.


      Everywhere is written that you should write what you love to read. My usual answer to this were and is mysteries. But what happened when you have additional questions to your genre or craft. I believe it’s when you stop be only reader and start to think a little critical.

      Lot of my outlines based at idea that amateur sleuth solve the crime without police or before police will came. I put them on the islands and added horrible weather, destroyed internet and made other impossible things to gave them chance to work. Why no one doesn’t care about my working conditions?

      When it’s possible I try to also watch mysteries. And I started to add additional questions about genre of mysteries, it’s difference from country to country. In France it’s Сommissaire Jules Maigret and other possible variants of police stories. In USA it’s court mysteries, police, private detective and only in little not existed villages are amateur sleuths who investigate murders, because police doesn’t work in invented towns or she has relative or ex-love interest in police. England lives on amateurs who prove year after year and book after book that police do nothing. Police dramas are much weaker and not so fun to watch.

      In my detectives I such way avoid police that it’s already reminds fantasy world. It’s my character but I could ask questions even about something that I adore and love. I just want that everything be clear and without doubts.

      I am not sure with solution as ex-police officer, it will be crazy when in spare time s/he checks new corpses with agreement of current police.

      When I looked at the drafts which better will be scripts I found text where something is happened with characters, but it hasn’t investigation as main idea. I know that writer should find inspiration in life, I search for it in my writer’s archives.

      Also in romance police is not necessary. I had in many stories romantic line. To write romance for romance – with my skeptical mind for circumstances of usual plot, I am not sure. If I will write it, it will be different kind of romance fiction, it’s for sure. And list of adjectives I should have endless.

      Now I made myself time for experimenting, I want to change or better say add something to my creativity. It’s like searching for hobby, you research through activities which you already tried and asks yourself are you ready to spend with that few hours weekly.


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      Chaos is best word to describe what is going on in my creative life. I all the time change directions. I try, I experiment, it looks terrible.

      I made few attempts and than I see if it was good decision or bad. I don’t want to spend twelve years on draft of the novel and then see that it wasn’t my best idea. I believe that you should know what you do.

      I don’t believe in idea that if it’s hard it’s best decision. There is other point of view – you do what you do easy or smoothly. Here I stop being stubborn and don’t attack walls which can’t win.

      I tried to describe hotel room for mystery novel and became mad that I should describe all that colors of cushions and armchairs. I still have no idea if they are comfortable to sit. And I thought it was better to make a sketch and return to action or dialogues. All that “she looked at herself in the mirror, her green eyebrows contrasted with her violet hair and yellow lipstick”. It’s how I feel about necessary describing characters. In plays it’s depends of actor.

      I was thinking how to skip all that and return to storytelling, not slowing myself with checking words in the dictionary. On mind came movie where you show not tell literally. I read endless ideas why it’s wrong way. I even wrote sarcastic “Sunset in LA”. I tried hard to get rid of this wrong dream. Could Dream be wrong?

      Chaos is in my notes and in my thoughts. I try to do something. I still believe that it will be a little out of mind when in novel to each scene I will have sketch. I experiment, I move. Yes, it’s creative chaos.


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      Next step.


      I decided to divide not plays ideas and put them in other rubric. Hope it will help me to move further.

      Notebook of future projects.


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      When miracle doesn’t happened.


      My problem is that I know what I want, like some pattern or form which should be in the end of my work. It should resemble first idea and preferably when will make it better.

      You read about my ideas and future plans. Fuel of it was miracle. Miracle in which I believed and to which accomplishment I worked really hard. It was miracle about evil spell is destroyed and I at least could write freely on English. With all words which I know with all power of imagination which I posses.

      I wrote that I had some troubles in writing, so I made a little experiment. I took four pages of story written in notebook and retold it on native language. I made it because I can’t express story with all descriptions, tastes which I had. What I had as result was 24 pages of good full-blooded text, where I used everything what I wanted to show.

      It was heartbreaking experience from one side – it’s sad when miracle doesn’t happened. And it was some kind of relief on other side. I still can freely write what I have on my mind. I just can’t breath like I used to in foreign language. Here is main problem of pauses in my writing. I can’t show - it’s problems in my abilities, not in ideas.

      Everything should have own power and pace and I can’t change it or make it faster. You know it’s like with ice stadium. It could be used by two hockey’s teams and be endlessly crowded and excited. This is how I feel about most of my plays. Or it could be one male skater who used the same amount of place and magnetize whole stadium with his performance. It’s clear that such way I saw “Actor plays Hamlet.”

      To translate whole novel to English word by word it’s ridiculous. I know that receive as result - my translation of “Perversion”.

      I will search how I could stay with English in friendly relationships using my other creative opportunities.


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      to everyone who celebrates today.




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      It won’t be huge secret reveal if I tell that when I write in English I need generator. I am not woke up as English speaking writer. I became this person after find generator or flow of English language.

      Time to time I had seductive idea to write first draft of novel in native language, because my previous novels which I use in this story were written such way. It will be few times quicker.

      From where such coward ideas? First of all that’s difficult to find what to read inspiring. Daily morning news could be resource for English. News in general are fuel for endless stress and possible depression.

      Now in Ukraine again came back idea to change language to Latin alphabet. When I study at University already was such attempt. Even few magazines published articles in such form. I wrote in Cyrillic and if they made this reform (no other problems from their point of view Ukraine hasn’t) all my texts should be remade for new rules. In such pressure is easy to learn French on natives level.

      When I read about writing, which is usual theme in mine mail box, I catch myself that there are rarely something new for me. Maybe I could like image which they use to their text. When I read about writers experience I notice that I tried much more than they – somewhere failed, somewhere succeeded. This change of languages give perception, for me also, that I am new in this field. When I read their writing prompts I remember that already wrote story about this and I feel, like it named in language courses, “false beginner”.

      I believe that from every person you could learn something. But when too much time you play in easy game you will master it, but don’t move further. You should work and feel that you work. As in tabata timer, at the end when you hear line “Rest time” you want to say “thank you” aloud. It’s like when I add word in French in text I need check where to put every accent above letter. It’s hard in moving text smoothly.

      Searching for generator is problem that I can’t make perfect English environment. Even on-line radio depends of internet connection. In reading about writing and in advices for writers I noticed one tendency. In texts we have new possible King, it is almost everywhere, but for now we didn’t named new ruler aloud. Or it was mine problem and I didn’t see it.

      Most suggested inspiration, or like I name it – generator, now is his Majesty, King of Internet, Mighty IMAGE.

      Writers have boards on Pinterest or images on their sites how looks like characters, what should be interior and photos and receipts of dishes which were mentioned in the book. Alice’s idea of useless text without pictures won.

      I also time to time scary readers with my sketches. I began from anti-stress activity and draw mandalas for relaxation. Later curiosity moved me further. But because of not enough place on site I moved pictures away. In today’s world – image is blood of text. Were problem of electricity and it happened that at that time my photo camera was connected to computer. I needed to formating memory card for it will work again. It destroyed part of photos. And it was main reasons why I didn’t make new photos. In today’s world without photos you loose the game of text attractiveness.

      With social media as Tumblr, Instagram and Pinterest, maybe others you could say “all the world’s a picture, And all the men and women merely spectators ”. There is even new rule – show picture or it didn’t happen.

      Here I see a dilemma. What should I do to improve my storytelling. Should I made few steps and work even harder on descriptions and widening my vocabulary, or… Second decision is from native English writers experience. Many of them made step in other direction – six month to two years – to learn how to draw, paint, work with different art medias. And only after having some basic in that direction they returned to writing on new level.

      Mystery writers made own covers for books which have something common with content of the story, they are more attentive to details. Children’s writers became more free in inventing their stories. They find how to tell stories clearly.

      World changes constantly and old rules doesn’t work anymore. When reading was generator of writing it worked. Now beautiful or “cute” picture can bring more appreciation than correctly written passage of the book. Book should have pleasant cover and be perfect material for photo in social media. If book didn’t sell, writer made new cover and it changes whole game.

      Now what we have is visual communication, not words power. Now is more important which bag you bought than what you could say. Talking with pictures is stupid activity, I didn’t deny it, it spoils whole idea of human’s interaction, but it’s new colorful reality.

      It’s seductive idea to switch on drawing as main powerful tool. It give me possibility to write outlines in native language and later with power of images which I could create I could construct whole strong body of English text.

      To find generator in texts is difficult, sometimes in fictional texts it still possible. But when I read free abstracts from novels, I feel that stupidity also reins here. Especially it’s popular in mysteries with some romance plots. If you accept that human behave and think such way you want to scream quietly.

      Again it was a long text. The more I write, the more I write. Now I experiment with sketch, outline, draft for story. It’s just to try which characters fit in new idea and which will stay in unpublished drafts. It generate a lot of thinking.


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      Merely players.


      “All the world’s a stage, And all the men and women merely players; They have their exits and their entrances.” It could be repeated once a year, in day of theater or daily it doesn’t change.

      Curtain open and we try to catch attention of spectators. All work and preparation stays behind open curtain. We are what we are with prepared or not roles and lines.

      Now I try to be ready for new role of writer. It’s role which I wanted to play for many years. I have nothing about playwright’s role, but sometimes you know that could play not only one role.

      I am bother with question “what I can give?” To readers, to stories and make them interesting. Recently I have difficult process of uniting previous experience and characters with what I have now and how I could connect them in future. It’s really like different actors now should play new story. And I as director and writer should make it comfortable and worth it for everyone.

      This change could bring possibility write not only theater play. As I wrote I read a lot about scriptwriters and that not made scripts as not staged plays are some dead end for story.

      To put on-line book you need less budget, you could be responsible for whole process. Of course, it’s endlessly difficult in all rules and work length. You know it’s like after haiku write Beowulf. Theoretically possible, but you should work hard. And a little harder.

      We all just players, why not to start a new game?


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      As writer I made promises what to be written next. I had drafts, plans, finished stories and later I see it doesn’t work. I have no idea why but I have some responsibility to finish promised story and upload it. Like something will change if I won’t do it. It’s not ending of trilogy where reader wants some ending and feel disappointed if writer decided not to tell how story ended.

      The more I read about writing, the more frequently I find inspiration in advices for painters and other artists. With idea to write something long – at least 100 pages – I returned to all writers advices. Of course, it was wrong. Like I read about painter who became later sculptor. He is not emerging. He is artist who changed direction.

      It was most inspiring stuff which I read and it wasn’t from writer’s field. In general I rarely find something inspiring in writer’s field. Writers prefer and should struggle with writers block or not having time to write.

      Now I also not write. I think and make notes. In my writing is always rule of stronger story victory. I wrote story about calligrapher mystery, researched how to put in Toronto. I invent few names which I like. And then on my mind came idea with theater. It’s stronger idea. Next was where to put idea with strong theater connection. I had two countries to choose for – England and France. Could be Austria, if it was music connected.

      As noticeable, I write on English, so it could be something Globe inspired. Later I checked what I have in France. In France I have long story with mystery novels, it was main reason to learn this not easy language. I still didn’t write this story where language should help in research.

      Is it irresponsible to mix such way future plans? Probably. Was it waste of time and energy to write story which I will refuse later? Again I will remember painters who at first learn basic and repeat some possible compositions before paint something.

      I still believe that main in writing is result. And if there is possibility to make it better, sometimes it even worth time for remade.

      In rule of strongest story also is rule of strong character or in my case character with which I spent more time. I love all my character or I won’t write them at all. But when there is character which is strong enough or have more aggressive plans I always try new outfit on them. And if I think it will be better on them, I could agree and change story.

      For now I plan and think how to make story better and stronger. I want to write mystery with same character more than one story length. I just need other level in my creative journey. I didn’t refuse plays – I have bunch of them which waits for they time. Sure, if it will be possible, I will add them in mystery series to make it more stronger or interesting. Like I wrote before – I change direction, but I still storyteller and this is unchangeable and in this moment it’s responsible behavior.


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      How about that idea?


      It’s all right, I just deleted all blog posts. For me it’s first step when I change road, get rid of previous plans and talks.

      Main problem that my inner critic always strong or I could name it some kind of gut feeling. I know myself, when I made something worth sharing or have only some parts of the possible puzzle.

      Like I said before:

      “I invented new characters and now I think she could have more than one mystery and is capable for future adventures.” 19.03.2018

      “I started to feel uncomfortable with first person point of view. It’s like I talk about myself all the time but as invented character. Unusual feeling, in my first novels which I wrote many years ago I accepted it as some freshness of style.

      ...Maybe I need to make from it real mystery. I not think about novel, it scary me of their 100 000 words length. But I love read and watch mysteries, more than romance.

      Of course I will need to work with structure. Probably add more scenes. For now I didn’t sure about third point of view. It give me chance to avoid usual scenes of confessions to main character.” 21.03.2018

      It’s noticeable that I had issues with making what I want. Or maybe it was problems in not seeing what I want.

      I started to read about proper mystery structure and genres which are possible to me. Court room mystery was denied first. Knowing law is strong necessity.

      Idea with cozy mysteries I liked. But here I should gave some business for main character. Here my mind gone wild because of possible women’s craft. Most difficult was to choose which one.

      Knitting, gardening and cooking – I know about it something more or less, but to make it life choice for character is difficult.

      Animals? I haven’t pets, but I wrote about cat, parrot, puppy, mice, chickens, elephant, dragon and many other characters. A lot to choose from. But this daily moments which later became viral as funny videos I haven’t.

      In my draft was idea to make her somehow connected with art. Illustrator or something like that. I even invented her name with K A as beginning letters, to use my possible sketches. Story I wrote interesting, but I saw all weakness. Victim was too two-dimensional. It’s crazy, but I was sorry to refuse this story only because male character. Mister Adam Alpha – I am endlessly proud of myself.

      I talk about my not worked ideas, other writers write only about works which they completed. But I write text in one day to ten days period of time, so I can’t one year talk about inciting incident in twelves draft of my novel.

      “I made too many attempts in creative field. Many of them I refused to move further. I read a lot, I think a lot and made a bunch of wrong decisions and didn’t make a step to what is right.

      ...I wrote that my current problem in texts that I started to write too many locations, too many characters and second lines. For my stories is not enough now just chair and table on the stage like was at the beginning.

      I was poisoned and seduced at the same time with possibility to show what I saw in the story. Decorate own stage and made costumes for characters it’s such attractive activity that you forget how much time and money you spend on it. You just play with your invented world and can’t stop.

      ...Some time ago I wrote that most of all I don’t want to be a novelist. Because there are lot of books out there, there are still problems in my active English level. And I could name reasons to refuse for three days without pause. Then I read article by screenwriter, who worked in business for 20 years. He wrote that problem with what we write there is limited quantity of people who will read your text if it never be filmed or staged. It’s paradox we write for potential big auditorium and then in form of our texts we put huge border from them.

      I can’t tell that many of people who I know love to read plays before bed. Few of them honestly told me that my play was first play which they read after finishing school or university, where plays were in reading list. What we write is coding for people who know our language. It’s not Esperanto, but definitely not French in which everyone knows “o-la-la!”. It could be used as communication, but person should be used to such form.

      And in that article I also read that screenwriter started to write novels, because of freedom to be read, possibility to use what you want in everything from locations to time of day for scene. It’s not proper quotation, because after it I read a lot of articles about comparison of screenplay and novel. Of course, script is shorter to write, less responsibility for author. But in novel - “you have all money to produce what you want with pen and paper”. Again we returned to freedom.

      ...What I have now – is too many not finished and not published texts which needs more place than stage. I could be wrong, but I will try something new in my storytelling activity.” 29.01.2018

      This huge quotes as to not repeat about what I think for a long time. Problem that I am such tired of endless noise that I can’t work or think probably. What I want to try to do as future project is deja vu or project which I already had in my not written ideas. For now I didn’t find date, but it was before English writing. I had an idea, idea which I will not write in it basic form, but which will be used as parts of new research.

      I was scary to left my playwright profession, because I know something here. What I think about my future as screenwriter – you can read in “Sunset in LA”. Every mystery, every story which I had I feel that this is some kind if infidelity to my main addiction with writing plays to theater.

      Many years ago I had simple idea about mysteries connected with amateur theater. Sense of this idea – Polti’s 36 dramatic situations as inspiration for every story.

      Conclusions were how about this kind of idea? Of course, I will stay in comfort zone connected with theater. But I could gain experience to write texts as text, not only plays. There I could put my endless ideas about theater which I had in notes. Shakespeare, Chekhov and Ibsen as victims about which I still didn’t say what I wanted. Of course there are place to dramatic situations and other stuff.

      I want to write mysteries which are somehow connected with theater and people which are around it.

      I know it’s not knitting or cooking with receipts in the end of book. Still can’t understand how people could try receipts which suggest person who writes about food poisoning.

      Probably trigger to that was yesterday’s day of puppeteer. I have no idea. But I tired so much to find out how to be proper and I want to be myself and do what I think is exciting. It will bring more changes in characters, locations and everything else. But once I already refused to fight to make this idea come true and I regret it.

      Sorry for long text. I just wanted to explain why I change my mind such drastically.


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