Feeling of loose myself.
Use what already have.
Being the protagonist.
Factors of reality.
A pinch of prose.
Нарешті публікую рукопис "Левиці". Редагування можна призупинити та неможливо закінчити.
At least today published my novella in Ukrainian "Lioness".
Main character there is woman, who lives in warrior times of сармати, кіммерійці, аорси, сіраки and others who lived on the territory known today as Ukraine. It's story of war, revenge, betray and most important courage and justice.
I mentioned about dogs in the text. I didn't find proper names in English.
I used legends about this dog - сармат:
And combine them with appearance and behaviour of this - тібетський мастиф:
Also I added few rituals, based on historical research and recreate them to necessity of my text.
After endless revision I had different ideas. One of them was about my index foto. I work really a lot, but it looks like I see my creative as hobby. Checked words in draft and invent some business style image, but enough creative.
Plans about changes in Ukrainian spelling adds motivation to finish text with previous writing norm. I am not sure that find all mistakes, but I will try few more times and publish when will be ready.
I changed foto on index and add one more to my foto.
23 chapters, a little more than 26000 words, it’s all about my text which now on polishing stage of revision. Sorry, didn’t mention little explanation, it’s text from January-February 2011, on Ukrainian language.
I have troubles in changing genres, so through research in my drafts I decided to make comeback to native language with prose text. It will be not next play, no matter that I also have for this text script for two parts film. Probably this will be easy for me later to repeat the same with English. I am not dreaming for such length, but it was doable in my previous experience.
All the time we read about wrong of multitasking, the same is with different genres – it should be only life long sacrifice for writer. What if I have different ideas.
Like with this text – I call it fantasy, because it didn’t happen, but it’s not fantasy with dragons, only with horses and dogs which are not flying. To name it historic fiction I am not such out of mind. It’s little text which was planned as beginning of series of novels. I have no idea if I return to it, if time came I will rewrite this text or write next. Now I work on this text to make it possible for uploading.
As I wrote before: publishing out of order, out of plan, just everything which could be made properly, one text after another.
On radio heard that today’s day of left handed people, help of left hand it’s what I need now, my right hand already tired after endless revision.
My way of thinking is writing, when I write I see what I want to say. I am tired of my complaining about internet, it’s awful not solvable problem and not all the time I could catch it, so it’s not how I planned my work.
I have wider interests in my writing and I could think and choose different ways how to make something possible. Not always I could think about proper decision.
Cozy mysteries are such attractive to their possible sweet illustrations, but write about crazy woman who is endlessly happy to every corpse on her road is something really stupidly unbelievable. And all that murders during tea parties, like every sweet little town’s habitant is potential murderer. This stories are easy to read, but to believe in them you should be accompanied with big bowl of salt.
Probably for now I don’t have enough sweetness in my text, no matter how many pinterest’s pictures I saw daily. For real darkness and writing something totally depressing I have too much sense of humor, because still daily found reasons to laugh, not always nervously.
It sounds reasonable, but I also scared to Hell because I want to add new form in my writing in English. This fear could paralyze and you stay on place, like “network is unreachable” on the screen.
I know it’s step which needs effort to jump over puddle, but feels like swim across ocean. Mainly because of quantity. If I write new play it will be hundred and something play. I wrote them before, I will write them in future. I have a long back list of works, they are different, like flowers in the big garden. Everyone could choose color, smell, shape on own taste.
When we talk about short story, it’s one flower, tree or bush on the empty field. Enormously empty field, because when I will change genre there will be wall which divided my plays from not plays. And here like with dress, you have some in wardrobe, visited few dozens of shops – you haven’t that perfect dress, all is wrong. I think that’s the main reason why fashion designers have collections: in choosing one perfect item you will go mad, because must choose from own work. To write bunch of short stories with different characters and on different themes sounds also not common decision.
What is left – novel or better novella which sounds not such scary, but challenging enough with it’s 100 pages length.
Why on Earth I have such thoughts? Because it should be such way. You should move from one place to other to know what you could. It’s not about that commonplace idea “to work out of your comfort zone”. My all English language writings lays in thousand miles away from my comfort zone, just quick reminder.
I want to write stories where characters have more than one story after curtain. It need other form, not in which I write plays. I search for character whom to write about first. I am really jealous for writers with one clear character on their mind and they gave everything to master it.
I have three to five heroines on my mind and also think that maybe I should write male main character and excuse myself from adding recipes and patchwork’s schemes to my books. I have nothing against housekeeping or craft hobbies, but if write about them where is the difference from your daily routine. I am strong believer that literature is possibility to live other life. I don’t think that it’s exiting to write how character do house chores which I did fifteen minutes ago.
It could looks like that all this doubts I had from nowhere. It was after reading one essay and I couldn’t look at all that coziness in literature like before. It’s not recent text, but for me was mind blowing. Raymond Chandler, The simple art of murder.
Yes, my little sand castle with taste of sugar was damaged a lot. I have no idea how I am ended in the such level of coziness, you saw my photos without lace umbrella. Probably is not totally me, no matter that I could write anything, like this endless post. Perhaps it was attempt to walk away from stress, but it’s not usual state of my mind. Coziness in plays “Candidate” or “King’s wife” is not easy to measure.
I don’t want to be rude to no one, but I am afraid I read in recent times too many articles about which should be literature written by seemed endlessly happy housewives. Spoiled pie shouldn’t be the reason for massacre. Life is scary and dangerous, even if you don’t check news daily. People have others struggles and priorities in life, most of the people, I really hope for that level of sanity.
All this coziness is absolutely comfortable for mind and bring some kind of mental laziness to level that most important question in your mind is probably this color of cushions didn’t match this curtains. It’s simple and easy to repeat, because you always lucky in search for it.
My computer is full of lovely flower images, it’s normal and more reachable than others not dead, but lethargic projects which I have. Of course big part in this change is fear even subconscious to write everything I wish. In our country you could receive sanctions or jail term even for reposting something wrong. So everything which could have any connection to politic automatically rejected: from writing about sweets shop to attempt to rewrite “Політичний деграданс” in other’s country’s elections system. It adds bitterness in all writing and pauses between projects.
I will try to fight this sweet cozy monster and give it only little part of my creative work, probably only on later writing for kids, because somewhere I should put this bright colors and lovely paintings. It worked for some time on the level of denying darkness of reality, some perverted form of depression in not noticing what is really around.
I try to clear my mind and usually I made it during long posts. Just a lot needs attention and even if I see and understand everything I physically can’t react to all. It’s like ideas or questions which people ask about you. You have no idea how they ended in their mind and after analyze own behavior, you see that haven’t nothing common with this. What you hear are results of not your musing about you and you can’t fix that because of it total lack of connection with you.
In all that writing main is I want changes. But changes in the some way of returning to level of what I write before with today’s level of vocabulary. I want that my writing boiled for some time after reading in reader’s mind, I want agreement or disagreement, I want real emotions with wish to reread text again searching for what else writer put there. I hope that I not much damaged my writing with wrong choices and after some time I’ll return to what I should do.
But all that are my creative struggles in searching better way out, because I am still optimist. I believe that all my problems have roots in my level of creativity. If writing was good enough, I could receive money for my writing. Without this scary word MONEY there is problems in future existence of my site, normal internet – not the cheapest with awful service. Other branches of my life also struggle without money, but my post is about creativity. I will search how gain money, but receiving them from writing became shadow of plan.
Today's heavy shower of hail ended for now and unexpected miracle – again there is internet connection.
I named post “factors of reality”, because from what it all really depends. Few days in a row I returned home to change clothes because of heavy rain in days where was promised without precipitations, umbrella didn’t help a lot.
The same with creative process. I have some plans, they connected with research. Researches connected with internet. As results all went in other direction. Because of this, to not sound like person who frequently changed her mind, I won’t announce my next projects or themes for research.
When will finished draft to uploading, I’ll make announce. What made will be published. Out of order or previous plans. I can’t fight for what I want against what I have. What I have will be a priority.
The same with not English languages, I can’t make decisions or plan to improve them without internet. All internet time which I have I firstly use on English, this is how it works. And of course on cleaning mail box, what I could already resubscribed to once a week edition.
I am glad that you are here. I need you. I searched for you and now I am happy that you are here. Together we will do everything. With you I could achieve much more than alone. Sorry, I am such excited that you are here. Come on, we can’t wait. I need your help, because I am not sure that everything is in such way as it should be. I waited for our meeting. I don’t want to waste a moment. I tried to figured out everything, it didn’t worked, now I have you.
If you agree, read further.
If you afraid and haven’t closest idea what’s going on – immediately turn off device where you are reading this, in other way will be problems. Booo.
For everyone who stayed, I am such proud of you. Today we already had thunderstorm and wall of rain, internet is still here – miracle, so why not use it in whole power.
Three first paragraphs of blog are my attempt to recreate beginning of the story with reader as protagonist and simultaneously main victim of writer. To be honest more fun was to outline story with different plot turning than write in 2nd person point of view. After years of blog writing I thought it will be easy for me, how wrong I was.
As for writer for me wasn’t such comfortable to grab reader by hand and run with him or her during narration. Adding sensory experience and write something like “Sorry, you stepped on the dead body of our main suspect, now please clean yourself with the rag, which is near kitchen door”. I could write everything, this is not the point. But it sounds strange and I am not sure that could convince reader to be a protagonist to this level.
Creative experiments were always my love, but here we have a pinch of out of mind. I write fiction, not resemblance of real life experience. I still want that reader was more or less sure that is not real story and result of other person’s creative imagination.
Probably I exaggerate a little, but it’s not what I want. And experience of working in not usual genre – plays, had some not noticed from first glance repercussions. I want something not usual, not simple classic narrative. Not complete death of text, but some struggles in perceiving it for sure, because it’s what Real Writer should do.
One more attempt to save “to be continued” to my plays failed. Interactive literature it’s not my cup of tea or glass of wine or flowerpot. It’s sad, because I have lot of notes and drafts. Of course I have scary idea to write normal fiction, something as mystery short stories like everyone. Why? Because it sounds much better in 3rd person point of view.
“- Damn. - He quickly searched on the wall and switch on lamp. He stepped on the dead body of his main suspect. Puddle of blood near victim’s head was main reason why he didn’t open the door. Alpha cleaned himself with the rag, which was near kitchen door. Now was time to phone to Detective and hear her laugh: “Again you have problems”.
Sounds more interesting, for my opinion. It was just writing exercise, but I think it could be count as research what to do next.
Lviv never was sunniest town on the planet, but this summer main theme became rains. Enormously strong and heavy rains, when in one minute could start real tropical rain. It gives problems with transport, internet connection and everything else.
Already we have joke about our weather. “Tourist asks little boy: How long pours the rain? - I have no idea. - Answers child. - I am only six years old”. There are also memes about necessity of submarines and other water transport. For today rains are also promised.
Probably we became too emotional about everything. Yesterday was my birthday and before that I bought candies, it’s patriotic choice in our town or better say act of rebel. There are candies from firm of country’s president and them bought only wrong people, real Lviv’s citizen choose only “Our Candies” (they are really better and cheaper). Politic we have everywhere, if listen to news it looks like everyone who has 35 years wants to be a President, some kind of rare obsession.
Because of rains and thunderstorms I have strange working routine – as working count hours when there is internet connection, never know which part of the day it will be. Usual “la vida loca”.
After I finished one text I usually do what other people do, I hope for that, research what to do with next projects. When there are too many of them, simple flipping of coin won’t work, better to start from template of roulette game, there are more options. But knowing me it will be zero and I will start anew to search what to write.
I tried to choose from additional language, still any priorities. Tried from characters – it never will work. Tried to combine different stories.
When I write play I know how it should look in the end. Write a novel – long and boring process. Write a short story – it reads like play in disguise.
Stories with multi decisions in plot it’s not normal narrative and this is interesting to me. I need some kind of challenge in work. I was proud of myself when outlined 4 different endings till didn’t read that in such texts could be 30 and more. Probably I should work on improvement of my work.
Weather and thunderstorms give changeable internet – few hours it exists and few didn’t. It also add problems in searching.
I managed to receive 14230 words in final draft and publish new text today.
Party to kill for. pdf
During reading about games I all the time asked myself a questions – why so many additions. Why they can’t use what already have? And the same question I asked myself.
I took one of finished, but not published plays and start to revise it. Before upload new, probably I should organize previous work.
As benefits of play I have it length – 38 scenes, I still need 20 words to have 14000 words. As disadvantages – jet ski with possible problems with pollution, so I changed it to eco-friendly windsurf board. Other problem was it about after Christmas party, it made story seasonal. I changed it to birthday party and it became proper for every time.
I made this tiny changes in the text, it didn’t spoil everything. When I will decide add there or not images, after few more rounds of revision, I will publish it. I should did it in January, but hadn’t enough motivation. Now, contrary I hadn’t reasons to not to publish it.
For every person there is some point or theme where you find yourself when want to recharge. Because of heavy rains and thunderstorms would be better if it will be sun, but we can’t choose.
When I think that I am ready to quit and change direction I always find myself in the my common story – I return to art. During problems in University I had two options – English language, but also did deep research in education in art history, from that time I read many books about which helped during exams at Uni.
In writing I remade it into illustration activity, not to mention artists as characters in my stories.
Now I watch, in translation, “L’art du crime” TV-series, amazing art-connected stories with addition of humor, such products could make only France. Of course I felt nostalgic for such kind of stories which I wrote. When I tired I want to make something simple, to receive fast finished result, as story for kids. As far as I gain some strength I always wish to make something complicated as art connected talks.
Like I read in one of articles people could not only struggle with laziness but also with over motivation and enthusiasm. This also could bring to not finished projects and overloaded books to be read in my case. When you are interested in everything you change your direction too quickly. There are successful polymaths which somehow managed their interests believing that everything connected.
For me, for now it’s a little organizing trouble. To story with fashion I added hotel from Tuscany from other play and also wanted to wider it with deeper research to winery. I received chaos, thanks for asking. I wanted to unite some stories and managed to made everything overcomplicated.
When you enter in new theme, especially which you know less than others, you have feeling that you loose yourself. Games world it’s like colorful kaleidoscope of which your head is spinning. I am not an avid player of games, Monopoly probably could count as experience.
I honestly visited one shop with games, where I recognized chess and poker – at least something. You know, I thought it’s like in perfume’s shop, sometimes you just talk about new aromas and that’s it. I mean you could try to smell everything and have your opinion. Ask questions, discuss design and have free will of choosing. Chat for chat purpose only.
In this shop I didn’t meet shop assistant, I met a gamer. She could answer to some questions, but she was type of person, you know “if I could have moment of your time and told you about...” And it was about town building game which have seven additional boxes for future gamer’s happiness.
Of course, games are a little bit different from texts, even if based on books. What I could say, that’s game design is such detailed and tactile. There was even game with Voodoo doll, I thought it should be in other kind of shop.
In pdf text I couldn’t add possibility of gaining coins or some other kind of treasures. What I have for now is adventure with possibility that everything could be other way, depending of readers wish. Definitely it won’t be me if I didn’t add few personal ideas to this structure and made it more text-looking.
Sketches of characters I added time to time, not some plastic figures for sure. Yes, I search for reason to add illustrations. Not my best idea was to read about games try to find out about rules and images. Now I have own ideas for games but it hasn’t connection with text creating, only with plot complications.
Sometimes there is a wish to learn more about shiny objects which wasn’t before in your direct interests. When you change genres it’s like you walk away from your usual room to other level where you see other directions about which you haven’t idea, when looked only on your piece of work.
Will I look further into gaming, giving it chance like for every new idea? I don’t know, now I am at home already for two days, because stupidly deep scratched leg and it looks too dramatic with drops of blood on the sticking plaster. I mean, I will need to find other shop where I could ask more questions. And probably, like with everything, I at first will start with more simple kid’s board games.
When you feel that you could make something else, for a moment you get lost, not knowing how unite your previous experience with new knowledges. Usually this somehow solves with time. Who knows, maybe I need this time of choices and trying new.
I always like to try new genres, because it will bring unique experience.
As mystery writer – to kill one or other character is nothing new. At one of writer’s site I read such slogan “I kill people for fun” and photo with smile. Little addition after comma that you are writer could be useful.
But genre of text game it’s more private, reader addressed with “you”. “You go there, see this”. Some kind of open letter. In all previous genres which I tried, reader is always passive figure. In theater “reader” even didn’t use own imagination – all is already done.
In “choose your story” is reader’s free will to go one path or another. Reader is inside story with all usually happened to someone else troubles. Long story short, I made one of the endings where reader made wrong choice and “game is over” totally, because what else could be if you said to murderer about suspicions. Never did this before, unique experience.
After that I needed to write other possibility and make chance for reader to survive, but some fun really was in it. It is unusual narration structure to me. I made outline extremely short with few endings, to begin with something.
Previous days, because of heavy rains, my summer style was based on this important part of look:
Today in the morning I went with jeans jacket on and umbrella. Returned home in real hot summer day and only T-shirt on top. Probably summer has little pity on us and it will be sun, no matter that puddles are everywhere and now we have clouds on the sky.
With sun I recharge myself. Idea of new genre gives hope to projects which were stopped because I didn’t want to repeat themes. But it doesn’t mean that I didn’t think about them.
Yes, fashion sketches because with templates I feel myself more confident.
Probably I will return and made “to be continued” to play “Fresh blood”, I already had there interesting characters. And ideas which I still didn’t realize. I want make more sketches, at first it will be in full size, later it will became only one image.
I deleted previous posts, it always helps me to clear mind.
I hadn’t strength to delete my all plays. I made them, it’s my work and I not ready to forget this part of life. Problem is I am not ready to write next hundred of theater plays. I need something new.
I am really interested in idea of stories with different possibilities in plot. I had few ideas to start with that. Which is better? Difficult decisions among drafts and that idea to refuse my previous creative life was depressing. I love characters which created, too much love them to say goodbye, even to plays not staged for now.
Today I have fresh idea, I always have bunch of them – this is how I work. My idea was to give my characters second chance in new genre. Not novels or short stories, like tried before, but in new genre of text games.
To know person is complicated, to create new characters is even harder. And here I have my little army of different characters who could live further after “curtain”. I moved characters from one play to another, now I need only to add reader in worlds which already exist.
I can’t refuse to try it, because it will give new level to my creativity.
And with place at site, I remade pdf of “Sunset in LA” and left only one photo, it makes file smaller in three times. Sunset in LA. pdf
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