In progress


blog by Kate Aksonova.


    Something went wrong.
    What is next?
    Bountiful Evening.
    Through noise.
    Roots of crisis.
    Over productivity.
    Writer’s kitchen.
    Change tools.
    Draft on paper.

      Draft on paper.


      It’s unusual when person with not best handwriting in the world starts to write about benefits of writing on paper and not of typing. I was on both sides and now I could see benefits here and there and learn how to unite this.

      Of course, posts writing and e-mails are best when printed. I still miss long written letters from snail-mail. I refused of postal-box sometime ago. It’s not fun to receive printed letters or send them yourself, it’s heartless document which you could receive from everywhere.

      When I write on computer I can’t feel the length of text, that’s the main reason of my endless posts. I notice what I did only at the revision stage, because pages just move one after another and they don’t scary you with how much you already accomplished.

      Today I finished first notebook for short story. I think I wrote half of plot which had on my mind. It won’t be as much in printed form, because of width of my handwriting and I left lines for revising. It’s not self deceit, it’s physical experience of work done. In world which makes digital everything, you just need something real, at least on first stage – unique and yours.

      In writing long hand I feel like write words, not collect letters pushing every time one or other button. I don’t know, but it adds some other rhythm and absolutely different tactile experience.

      Handwriting activity is pleasure for my nature which is crazy about stationery. Notebooks, pens, everything attractive and add other level in creative process. Writers could talk about notebooks for hours, because this is our tools. Fine, we like it and made it part of our tools.

      In handwriting experiment you could change angle and letters will look different. And colors which propose to you inks are amazing – I searched on-line. Blue with green, deep red and other shades of black and on pages it doesn’t looks like cartoon, when use it on computer it will be difficult to read. I am not against gold ink in general, but for draft I think it’s not the best decision, because in this case you should write on other color of paper.

      Love what you do and you find how to add to your work endless tiny pleasures. Happy weekend!


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      Change tools.


      Sometimes in our writing life when you can’t change place of writing, you could change tools. Like I said before, I try to write short story. All my writing is typing on computer. This time I decided to change tools.

      At first I decided to write longhand. To feel that what I write is different from posts and plays.

      I took first not finished from language studying notebooks, it happened to be Italian, and decided to write. Maybe stars were in different places and I decided it’s wrong to write with ball pen, it’s like usual notes. I want to write a short story. So it should be fountain pen, because it’s cool and more usual for writer’s image.

      New black ink I had for some time, when didn’t work as black what I had in one of the posters. Fountain pens also existed in my box with office supplies, I already forgot how dirty business is fill and refill them.

      I know it’s big step back in civilization. Typewriter I rejected as noisy and where I will find tape for it. Inks, with new idea of calligraphy as hobby, returned to shops.

      It’s stupid to count written pages, with mine wide handwriting. Even if I wrote less than usual, I feel myself different. Quantity of words didn’t compare with feeling work done. No matter that for now what I have are lines of dialogues and just enormous plot outline. In writing should be also some kind of not work, adding of play, when your fingers are dirty after refill pen.

      It’s feeling of work done and what you have is rough draft instead of heartless letters on papers. We all in live have lot of moments where we notice that communicate with wall instead of person. More “writer’s stuff” gave you new glance at your work. And fountain pen gives you illusion that you hear your thoughts, with tiny sound on paper.



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      Writer’s kitchen.


      On my experience writer’s work it’s not linear activity which starts from “Once upon a time” at first page and on final we see “The end” or “they didn’t live happily ever after”. It would be wonderful if it will be such way. Step after step you know where are you, you are focused and productive.

      In reality this process looks other way. I didn’t want to use as illustration chemical laboratory, because there are frequent some explosions during experiment. In writer’s life it’s less then common.

      I use image of kitchen, but not normal kitchen where main idea is to feed people and left them alive after it. It’s kitchen where blend confectionery and alchemy with a bit of pure witchcraft.

      When I say that I work on one project, other didn’t disappeared from my table, they find places on shelves or elsewhere and are still on my list. Story with flamenco now is in the fridge, because I need not only plot, but also deep research for dance itself. Story with jet-ski needs more details and I search for proper baker’s yeast to make scenes interesting. One more story connected with cuisine needs my not existed knowledge of culinary in French language. And I could itemize in such manner till tomorrow’s evening. For fashion story I need to learn to draw or use only basic figures which are in books and use them as mannequins.

      On the table is what I think I could do now. If it needs other details, I will put it away till find all ingredients. For stories not always works rule of kitchen when instead of milk you could use water.

      It’s messy process, but sometimes it end with results of which you are proud or satisfied enough to upload. It’s pity that writer’s work didn’t have such instrument like painter’s sketchbook, where to catch details already is enough and could be counted as proper work.


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      Over productivity.


      There are problems which could face only I. My main problem is ideas over productivity. Yesterday I mentioned about return to idea of magic and I remembered that in October 2017 started but never finished play about my other character – witch from “Haunted Halloween”.

      Whole morning I searched for printed draft, because it’s stupid to print something twice. This and many drafts I find – little hurray I could have. I still didn’t find notes to this text which will be helpful in my future work. I have no idea where I put them. I find notes for ten other stories and still any results for this story, I had already invented characters names and occupations. If it didn’t work I will end story from what I already write in the draft. It will bring other ending to story and other amount of characters, but it will be ended.

      Write notes it’s good idea, but what to do when all your papers are notes for other writing. Maybe I will made new rescue operation later. For now I have no idea what to do with other outlines which I found.


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      Roots of crisis.


      I think it could be noticed that I had some crisis in creative life. Now a little about roots of this situation.

      When I start to work or research about new invented story there is always counteraction or conflict of interests. Battle for my time and priority what to really write next. Usually begs for attention previous stories, characters from them. They insist on part “to be continued”. From time to time I add them in next plays but it became overwhelming and not on rules of play writing. Usually it’s wrong to have more stories for one character. Better if all characters are dead, but knowing myself I could write new text using only Horatio and Fortinbras as stayed alive.

      I mentioned Hamlet because have own problem with Ghost character. Hero from “Ghost of second husband” time to time distract me from everything and I should to write outline of his adventures with his ex-wife. As far as I remember for now I have five or six outlines of their new problems.

      To write about ghosts or magic is a little bit difficult in play. Tarot cards readings, moving through walls or spells written with red ink in Latin looks better in other narrative forms. To start with TV serial script is too much for me, it could end that all characters which I mention will need own show.

      I am not confident in description to name my attempt to write a novel. Probably it will be episodes, scenes or short stories with characters which I already had. If I didn’t invent how to tell about their adventures, they all the time will be border for next stories. I can’t name it literature, but it’s for sure fiction if I want to write text after finished plays.

      I am thinking with difficulties, because I can’t solve problem and reach some quietness or productive noise. Perhaps my thoughts not clear, but I tried my best.



      Now it's quiet pause in my noisy life and I reread morning post. I don't know if my addition will be helpful or make everything complicated.

      More explanations.

      In my behaviour could be noticed some lack of logic, but there is reason even if it needed more explanation.

      I wrote huge post about publishing industry and my problems to accept this rules. I don't think it will change in future. But what I saw in my writing - enormous problem with prose.

      I could stay endlessly in comfort of play's inventing dialogues. Descriptions are my weakness. It's my Achilles spot and I noticed how painful it's for me.

      I don't know how behave other creative people, when I see that could invent how to avoid something in thousand possibilities, there is my inner mark that I should pay more attention to it. Problem, complex with which I feel myself uncomfortable.

      My complex for now is "real" writing. I could invent script and draw storyboard - everything for not using writer's tools. When it becomes ridiculous, I grab myself together and move in that direction.

      I am terribly afraid that my prose will be weak and worse in comparison with plays, but I have to try it. Or it stay as fear near my shoulder. Of course, I hope such activity will help to improve level of revision in my plays drafts.

      I am in deep thinking to start work after midnight, the later the better - when began quiet time in buildings with many habitants. Near five o'clock in the morning life again will return to full power in other flats. Little problem - when to sleep if all other time is noisy.

      Maybe it's main reason and wish to have some magic solutions, at least in literature. Addiction to loud TV around is too strong, like I figured out when told about this problem to my acquaintances, for them is way of life. To go to sleep with sound of TV is widespread habit, terrible news for me.


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      Through noise.


      Almost half of January passed and I didn’t publish new text. For me it’s scary, because I write all the time.

      Whole previous week it was too noisy to think. Till find final buyer, neighbor gave opportunity to few people just practice they homework on piano. After three hours I could remember all mistakes which were done. Practice without tutor is just remembering your errors. When after it I turn on music for relaxation to quiet my headache and listened to piano, I notice that problem is in people, not instrument itself.

      I wrote many times that I prefer free chapters or mini-books, because it helps me to know how native write in English. If I don’t like, I just delete it and move to next text. But writers think differently. Almost daily they will send you some promotion of their text and where you could purchase them. Writing became selling business and it’s more than noticed in self publishing. There are no one who will stop them and say that should be some frequency, not daily presence if you are not from sect.

      Through noise of advices which propose to you writer’s sites also difficult to think. There should be some level of productivity, you should build platform and return previous articles to attract new visitors. Writer became profession, endlessly stressful, where you should do everything and write if it’s still possible.

      I always wanted to write Novels with big letter and lot of pages. When I wrote first stories it were nothing but plain not interesting stories. I didn’t plan to publish them. I wanted to write. First draft I wrote when I was 25 years old and it was awful, then were other texts, short stories and now I write plays on English and upload them on-line.

      All my work is wrong by proper ideas of writer’s life. I do it for myself at first place. I don’t analyze market and invent story which now is on top. My steps are wrong. I don’t believe in seminars and books which teach you everything about how business is working. Every business is system which could change in day and you can’t predict where it turns tomorrow. You know, like everyone think that in cat’s behaviors isn’t logic. If we can’t see it, it can’t be prove that it doesn’t exist. Every business is cat which behave out of our understanding.

      I read lot of articles, book excepts and tried to measure my work on rules how it should be. I failed in it. If I think about promotions, mailing lists and newsletters I don’t see there place for fiction writing. All this successful bestselling writers are people with names I never heard off. I always believe that had little knowledge about literature field players.

      For me is difficult to feel motivated or find support in their inspiring how-to texts. I never wanted to be a best-selling writer. I never thought that my work is to sell what I write. In journalistic I wrote articles which were published or not. It was disappointment or success, but I never feel myself as sale person. Main was to find a story which should be told.

      I always wanted to write. Just put on paper stories which come to my mind endlessly. Till now I have bunch of drafts which were written by hand and never I typed them. Sometimes I took one of them and read, if nothing is interesting – it ends in trash. I wanted to write literature, be part of it. I give up, I can’t chose road what they proposed.

      I never dreamed of meeting with readers, too much of them I visited as journalist. It’s torture for writer, most of public asked stupid questions and never know basic information. And that glance at writer’s eyes when they try to sell what they write. They never thought that end will be this, when wrote. Photos with people who you don’t know and they see you like prop. I saw it too much to dream about this. It’s not amazing.

      Amazing part is when you write and just want to know what will be next, what you will learn from your characters.

      What I wrote is endlessly wrong in comparison with what I should write. Be always positive and sell my future and past writing. I am storyteller, I can’t change myself. I respect my readers and don’t think that I should be at main place in their life. I believe that I could add some entertainment with telling more stories.

      Maybe it’s because I am introvert in general and concentration on public’s attitude is difficult for me. I have no idea. I just try to find myself through all that noise what should or not be done.

      Sorry if my ideas were painful for someone, I just can’t find myself in this system. I still invent stories which will be complicated as short story or impossible as plays. I think I tried enough, it’s not for me to be suitable and convenient. I will try to return to the start and write for writing, what I think will be good I will upload. All I want now is to return what I had – pleasure of creating new. I am endlessly tired with daily attempts to fit myself into some recognizable boxes. I hope that I still could be more than that.


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      Bountiful Evening.


      Today we have Bountiful Evening or Щедрий вечір. You all heard this "Shchedryk" music by Mykola Leontovych. It’s not for Christmas as “Caroll of the bells” is for today - Julian New Year (January 13).


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      What is next?


      Yesterday I couldn’t solve the problem with coding on page. It write error to remember at every line, I had to remove whole file and create new one.

      At the morning my main question was – what is next? Should I try to rebuild what I had or move forward. Usually I choose next step without turning back. This time will be the same. It’s blog posts, they are written on the sand of today to be washed away by wave of tomorrow. I am proud of previous sentence. I always proud of myself when could express smoothly thoughts on foreign language.

      New Year, new beginning and all that stuff is not impress me. Usually I drag with myself everything unfinished in previous year.

      During adding details to current play and with help other distracting factors I missed one thing. Text became outdated. I finished it in December, story took place at the first week of New Year. Conflict of story starts in the beginning of December and drags itself during all holidays season to had culmination at first days of New Year.

      Usually I write without particular time and all holidays stories I upload in holiday’s time. To return now to this, it’s wrong, because it stops my moving forward. I have few projects now with unsolved future.

      What’s next? In quiet moments I all the time think about this. I have a lot of plans and different possibilities what to do. Main idea in all of them how to make next level of creativity. For now I am not sure what could be more helpful for that. I still search and try. Some times I think that I am only few steps ahead to figure out how to make it, other days I have no idea what to do. Creativity is not only produced ideas, but also thousands of refused ideas.


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      Something went wrong.


      Something went wrong and all my attempt to fix problem with coding ended in deleting whole file. Now it's quiet and proper time for some kind of work.

      Sorry for such technical problems.

      I am not sure that could return all what was written already in January. If not, we will count it as new beginning from white page.


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